Thursday, March 22, 2012

Lance Henriksen Week: Sasquatch

This is what I was expecting!  Today's film is Sasquatch.  Just let that sink in for a second.  When the name of the movie is that on-the-nose, what kind of hope is there?  I suppose they get points for honesty.  Mind you, there's also a film called Suburban Sasquatch, but I'm not giving that movie any points.  This film, however, gets some points for a completely silly Deus Ex Machina that is just damn hilarious.  Lance is the star here, although he is surrounded by a giant cast.  Given the subject matter, you'd be expecting them to basically be cannon fodder for the monster.  You'd be...mostly-wrong.  To find out if the movie can match up to Abominable, read on...
In the Intro, a plane crashes in the Woods.  The lone survivor is targeted by a Bigfoot.  Check out this monster P.O.V. footage...
The search is called off...after some vague amount of time that happens during the Credits.  Looks like it's time for dad to come looking.
Lance Henriksen is the head of a major bio-tech company.  He hires a bunch of people to help him find his daughter...and something else.
The people are being watched in the Woods.  Oh, did you establish the monster already?  This is completely pointless- and better done in Abominable?  Okay.
The Sasquatch continues to stalk the people.  Note how the creature's P.O.V. vision is different now.  That makes sense.
Eventually, the group finds the device that Henriksen was after...and not his daughter.  The device can scan you...and bring up your entire medical history in seconds.  No, really.

This guy gets drunk and killed.  There's no other way to follow up this device than that.  Anti-Stealth Radar Detector.
In a plot point that will show up in the other Lance Henriksen Meets The Sasquatches film tomorrow, he sees a video of his dead daughter and is sad now.  He's more motivated to kill the creature though.
This Sasquatch is actually kind of cool-looking.  I have no idea why he is bald though.  Skunk Apes truly are like us...I mean, other people.

As it turns out, the Sasquatch is after them because they have the Bullshit MacGuffin Device.  Why?  Because the plane crash landed on his kid/wife/someone.  This all ties together seamlessly!
Even though he could kill the creature, Lance destroys the device, keeping us from having a device that could save countless lives.  Make sure to appease the Sasquatch...dick.  The End.
You know that horror films are about killing people right?  My first problem with this movie is the pacing.  We get some suspense at the beginning, but that's followed by a long section of just 'getting to know' the cast.  They are not necessarily bad characters, but these moments should not feel forced.  It's like the 'Make people introduce themselves' scenes in films like Blood Monkey- they're just bad.  My second problem is how they pace the kills.  For one thing, there's not a lot of them.  I'm all about not killing pointless side characters- see Poor Bastards of Cinema- but is there a reason to put nearly 10 people together out in the Woods if you aren't going to kill most of them.  They take out a bunch of them, but mostly at the End.  By that point, it's hard to care.  Lance, however, is good in this role.  He's done this character before, but he does it well.  While I disagree with his character's motivations in the finale, he does a good job of conveying them.  I still can't get past the fact that he has the medical equivalent of the Philosopher's Stone in his hands, but destroys it to make the sad Sasquatch happy.  I should also mention that him and the others sell out the one guy who mentions the Sasquatch (in Post Credits text crawl), leading him to look crazy.  Jerks.  Overall, this movie has good ideas, but is more interested in doing character studies.  I'll pass, thank you.  Take us away, pointlessly-spinning shot of a woman undressing...
Next up, the final film in the Lance Henriksen vs. Sasquatch trilogy.  Tim Thomerson and Lance Henriksen go out into the Woods...and bore me to tears.  Stay tuned...

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