Quick Reviews: Swiss Army Man (2016)

Well, lots of people walked out of this one at Cannes, so it must be good!  Let's see....

A depressed man stranded on an Island (Dano) is finally giving up on life when...

He gets a companion.  Unfortunately, said companion is already dead.

Instead of letting this get him down, Dano gets hope when he figures out that the gas escaping the corpse's body allowed him to....ride him like a Jet Ski.

After that craziness, we get long, drawn out bits with Dano and the corpse (Daniel Radcliffe).  The Corpse seems to talk, albeit in Dano's voice.

A famous Writer once said that you hook or lose the audience in the first 15 minutes.  This is a good example.

Will he make a new life for himself and his 'friend?'

Or will he just go crazy?  To find out, watch the Film.

This would be a good Short Film.  Swiss Army Man is just too long for the way it is supposed to work.  By starting cold with Dano, we have no idea who he is or any feel for him.  He's just some guy on an Island that finds a corpse.  If I cared before the corpse arrived, this might work better.  On top of that, the long Scenes of 'conversations' just aren't interesting or funny enough.  The wacky stuff with the corpse (when was the last time I used that sentence beginning?!?) are kind of funny, but spread so thin that I just lost interest.  This would seriously be a good Short Film between 15-30 minutes- 45 tops.  It just didn't do it for me.  I applaud the creativity, but not the execution.  Don't expect this one to take off with most people...

Creative, but too long and not interesting enough in the follow-through.  Both too crazy and not crazy enough.

TV on the Internet- Ash vs. Evil Dead 'Confinement'

In all of the chaos last week with the Holiday, I never did get around to this one...

Back at the Bar from the earlier Episode, a Cop shows up and finds something...freaky.

Somewhere else in Town, Ash runs afoul of the Police again.  Time for jail.

All of the Main Characters- including Ted Raimi- end up there as the creature sneaks around.

Holy crap- it's Tommy Wiseau!

No, it's nothing that scary.  It is just a freaky Demon.  Phew.

With a building full of people, a crazy Demon and Ash, who will survive?  To find out, watch the Show.

Good stuff.  What they do well here is put all of the Characters in a small location with a Monster.  Said Monster is nice and freaky.  I'm not a dick, so I won't SPOIL it more than their Facebook Page does.  It is hard to top the bit where Ash got his head shoved up an ass this Season, but they come close.  You also get some stuff that moves the Plot forward and whatever.  Enough of that, Ted Raimi is still here.  I continue to be surprised that he hasn't died a horrible death yet.  You're just trolling me, aren't you, Ash vs Evil Dead?   He will die on my watch!  Blood, a little HLA and more blood- great.  Another fun Episode that gives you what you want.  I'll keep giving you what you want too- more shots of a bloody Ash.

Next time, I play catch-up.  What the Hell will Ash go through next?  See you then...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Doctor Strange (2007)

At last, another Animated Poor Bastard!

In 2007's Doctor Strange, Dormammu unleashes his last monster- a freaky swarm that looks like a *good* version of what The Langoliers was going for.  They attack NYC...

...finding this Cab Driver, who closes his window a few seconds too late.

The swarm fills up his Cab and...

...leaves a skeleton behind.  So yeah, he's dead.

Weirdly, two of Strange's other Allies are also killed by the swarm in a similar way, so we don't even need this one to show us what the creatures can do.

They just killed this Cabbie because...reasons.

The lesson: always keep your windows rolled up in NYC.  It will protect you against both interdimensional monster swarms and Donald Trump's unwanted sexual advances.

The More You Know.

Sleep Tight: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4- The Dream Master

I hope you weren't getting too comfortable when you slept.  Today's Film is A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, the 1988 follow-up to arguably the most popular Film in the Franchise.  Well, it is either that or the 2010 Reboot.  This time, Freddy is inexplicably-back and kind of gets side-tracked.  3 and a half Films in, they released that there was only a finite number of kids that could be possible victims.  Unless they kept adding new Adults to the original kill list, this would just get silly.  Their solution: have Freddy just decided to kill people for no purpose.  I would ask what his motivation is though, since, while he was a killer in life, he didn't exactly target the same victims.  It is kind of like that Film I saw where the Ghost of John Wayne Gacy molests a Woman- only slightly-less stupid.  From this point, he's just some crazy killer with no goals other than to kill- how interesting is that?  To the Film's credit, they do acknowledge the continuity; well, most of the time.  They somehow mix up Freddy's House (which presumably burned down) with Nancy's House!  On top of that, the transition between Films is vague and in need of some real explanation.  This one is notable for being the second highest-grossing in the Franchise, so that must make it good, right?  It is from the Director of 12 Rounds, Cutthroat Island and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, so that must help.  To find out just how good this Nightmare is, you'll have to read on...

Kristen is back and she's...not the lady from Medium.

Yes, our future Oscar Winner is not back.  The reason?  Well, there are about six stories and none of them actually make sense/cover it.

She knows that Freddy is dead (not until Part Six!) and is scolded by her fellow Dream Warriors to get over it.  She can't.

She's joined by a slew of new people, including Asthmatic Girl, Karate Boyfriend, Exercise Girl and Not Sam J. Jones.

Apparently Kristen made friends fast in the, I guess, a year since she's been out of the Institution.

Freddy returns when one of the Warriors' dog appears in a dream, digs up Freddy and pisses fire on him.  Freddy is apparently eternal now...although we still don't know why.

Is this sillier than Jason reviving via lightning 2 years prior?

So Freddy is back and he wipes out the two other Warriors in one night, since Kristen is keeping herself awake.

My questions...

1) Why does the 'mute' guy talk now?
2) Why does he fall for the same trick again?!?

Kristen is killed next, but only after she brings her friend Alice into her dream and gives her the powers.  Why they work differently here is anyone's guess.

Also, isn't Alice awake here?  That means that Freddy made something happen in the waking world?

This leads to Freddy now killing a bunch of new people because...reasons.  He at least keeps his creativity up, even if the foreshadowing for their deaths is so on the nose this time.

Alice has a new version of the Dream Warriors powers- the ability to use the strengths/traits of her dead friend's.  Dial H for Movie Heroine, I guess.

After trying to beat Freddy with some kicks and a Chekhov's Tool from her friend, she uses a Dream Master trick (hurray for the Title) to trap Freddy and free all of the souls he stole.

He's dead for real now...until the next Film (or 3).  The End.

Pretty good, but getting a bit formulaic at this point.  The Elm Street Franchise is a tricky one.  On one hand, it works well by using Dream Logic to allow for creativity.  On the other hand, the stuff outside the kills is kind of lazy.  Characters are introduced, their fears are set up and Freddy later exploits them.  They always seem to tease that they are going to do something new, but never quite commit to it.  In Part 3, the whole Dream Warriors thing is a bit of a letdown for me.  They set them up as having unique abilities, but none of them help them actually beat Freddy.  In this Film, the Dream Master stuff doesn't help or add all that much.  Kristen tries the trick early on, but Freddy still gets her.  It really only factors into the end, with Alice constantly being stopped from interceding.  It is the awkward mix that happens with all of these Slasher Franchises- you want a Hero, but you also want a set number of kills.  Some are better at this than others.  Alice definitely tries to be a Heroine, but really only saves one guy in the end.  The way they handled the transition in Story, as noted, is still odd.  If Freddy was manipulating Kristen there, did he have to?  If she didn't see him in the dream, would he not be able to target her?  On top of that, he intentionally targets everyone around her first!  The first 3 Films have pretty unique feels, while this one feels like too much of a rehash much of the time.  It is still good as far as these go- it just isn't unique.  Speaking of unique, they use footage of Reefer Madness II: The True Story (a Comedy Re-Dub from 1985) in one dream, but turned down the dialog from said Film on all Video releases.  They didn't *remove* it though, so enjoy these useless Subtitles...

Next up, a fairly-recent Film that has flown under the radar for most.  It has 'Superman' fighting Nazis- what else do you need?  Stay tuned...

Immediate Response: Doctor Strange (2016)

I couldn't wait.  Time to pierce the veil and warp Reality...

The Good

* The Film nailed the crazy visuals of Steve Ditko.  It goes balls out with the stuff!
* Cumberbatch and company do a great job with their Characters, giving you grounded people in a crazy, magical World.
* The Film is paced well and somewhat shorter than you expect from these Tent Pole Films.  Hurray!
* For all of the Drama, the Film is actually pretty damn funny.  The Marvel Method works!
* The Film feels unique, only using the basic formula to ground their own Story.
* Their Villain is actually kind of deep, having a solid argument for his evil ways (sort of).

The Bad

* It is a shame that they don't Rachel McAdams more.
* While it doesn't affect the Film, can I just ask why Cumberbatch couldn't just be British?
* I got a real Green Lantern (2011) vibe from one part of the Film.  I liked that one though, but many people do not.

So yeah, I don't have any major complaints.  It is fun, kind of deep, fantastic and all kinds of well-made.  Stay for the Credits too!





Fun Fact: the Villain in the 1970's Doctor Strange was Jessica Walter aka Mallory Archer.  Time flies!

Quick Reviews: Doctor Strange (2007)

Why go outside with other people and sit in a Theater when you can stay inside by yourself and watch this Animated Film Version instead...

In NYC, Stephen Strange is working at a Hospital overrun with mysterious comas.

After seeing weird visions, the Doctor crashes his car and injures his hands.  Ouch.

After losing everything, he ends up in Tibet alongside Baron Mordo, Wong and the Ancient One.

A coming conflict with Dormammu leads to some internal issues as Strange learns his powers.

Now embracing his destiny, Strange picks a good time to become a Sorcerer, since...

Dormammu is here!  Will he be able to be stopped?

To find out, watch the Film.  The End.

Good Direct-to-Video stuff that holds up pretty well.  In the early 2000s, Marvel was all over the Animated Video Market, while DC was all over TV.  In the present day, Marvel is all over TV and DC is all over the Animated Video Market.  Marvel can take solace in the Billions of Dollars that their Live-Action Films bring in.  Speaking of which, how does the 2007 Animated Version match up to the 2016 Live-Action one?  Well, I'm not a cool enough to see it in advance, so let me just talk about this one.  It sure beats the TV Movie Version!  They do a good job with the basic Strange Origin Story, while also giving you a parallel Plot.  It helps keep the pacing good and make things more connected.  Strange is spotted by the Mystics *before* the accident, which explains alot more in a concise way.  They try to give you a pretty big Story for roughly 70 minutes (as opposed to the 95 that the DVD Case promises.  It mostly works as the Story is more about Strange becoming the Hero than it is about Dormammu.  Another thing they do nicely is make the stuff with Wong and The Ancient One seem a little less-dated.  Wong isn't a Man Servant- he's a Warrior Mystic in his own right.  The Ancient One is still your basic Chinese Mystic-type, but fits more in the mold of Characters like Yoda.  They also get away with more than usual thanks to the PG-13 Rating- bonus.  All in all, 2007's Doctor Strange is a good, solid tale that doesn't disappoint.  Here's hoping that Cumberbatch and company keep pace.  Speaking of keeping, here's hoping that their Film also takes place in Helm's Deep...

Good stuff that plays with the basic Story in some good ways.  A mostly-forgotten Film that deserves some love.

Quick Reviews: The Mermaid (2016)

It is appropriate that the biggest Film in China make it over the U.S., even if it is nearly a year later...

 

A super rich guy has bought an Island, but is chastised for doing so since it is blocked off for building due to environmental concerns.

He's cleared that up, however, and feels comfortable.

A strange young woman makes a move on him at a Party and he's bemused by her.

The catch: she's a Mermaid from the Island he bought who is supposed to serve as bait in a Honey Trap Plot.

Yes, she did wear a fake tail over some pants, socks and shoes that were covering her real tail.  No, that's not completely silly.

The Gang keeps trying to kill the man, but keeps running into problems with his Security.  They even work in some random Commentary on our obsession with weapons...

The Mermaid falls for the man and is now having second thoughts about killing him.  Can he be swayed to do the right thing?

...or will greedy Industrialists (including the Film's one white guy) take matters into their own hands first?  To find out, watch the Film.

Funny, but about as subtle as a fireworks show.  (The) Mermaid is a wacky and random Comedy with an environmental message to it.  Yes, the Country who's air is not meant to be breathed by Humans is going to tell about how to save the environment.  Makes sense to me!  It is mostly about weird sight gags (like a bit where our Hero keeps avoiding being killed), weird moments (like a Merman with Octopus legs cooking his own tentacles for cover) and just general wackiness (a guy with a Jetpack).  It is very, very wacky.  They don't have much time for anything other than that, so don't expect much.  It is a good Film- just don't expect anything but constant-craziness.  The Film made over 2 billion Yen (over $500 million U.S.), so expect a Sequel or 8.  You know what more Comedies need?  If you guessed, leftover footage from The Cove, then you'd be...right?

Really silly, but usually-funny stuff.  Stephen Chow Films are never subtle and this is no exception.

Quick Review: Batman- Return of the Caped Crusaders

After so many years, it is nice to see the Classics make a return.  Since it is officially out now, I might as well Review it...

The 4 worst Villains in Gotham reunite for the first time since Batman: The Movie.

Sorry, Egghead- you didn't make the list, but you do get a Cameo.

Enter the Dynamic Duo!  They go right into action...after stopping to obey Traffic Laws and avoid Jaywalking, of course.

Naturally, we get the Batman-style Death Trap, made extra cheesy for this adventure!

The Plot here is actually kind of complex and large, so I won't SPOIL any more.  It goes places you wouldn't expect- that's all I'll say.

What is the master plan of these four felonious fiends?  How does a Prison factor into it?

Can the Dynamic Duo save the day or is Gotham going to be struck by the villains' vile vices?  To find out, watch the Film.

Come on- laugh a little.  This Film is designed to be one thing- fun.  They nail it well, giving you all of the ironic kitsch you come to expect from the Batman '66 license.  You get to see all of the Classic Villains- and Louie the Lilac-, all the Heroes (save for Batgirl, although there is a good reason) and all of the Supporting Characters.  The mix of old and new Voice Actors works well here.  The new Voices do a good job of matching the old in all of the major, important ways.  They even get The Riddler and The Joker's laughs right- kudos!  The Film is chock full of nods to other iterations of the Character as well.  In one Scene, they cleverly reference the 3 different Catwoman Actresses from the Show, while in a later bit they poke fun at the end of The Dark Knight Rises.  Batman himself even uses some lines from other tales like Batman (1989) and 'The Dark Knight Returns.'  No, really.  An Action Balloon even pops up called 'Sprang,' no doubt a reference to Dick Sprang.  If you know the Original Show (and own it, like moi), you'll love this.  If you are younger or don't know the Show, you'll still love it (you'll just miss the extra stuff).  It is deep enough to be interesting and silly enough to be fun for everyone, a win-win.  It will also help us wash the taste out of the last Animated Film out of our mouths...

Damn fun Film that really takes advantage of the source material.  On top of that, the Film was bigger and deeper than I would have guessed!

Photoshopped Rip-Off Cover Art: The Day After Halloween (1979)

I found this online awhile ago and was going to do stuff with it.  This seems like the best day to show it...

 A couple things to note right off the bat...

1) The Film is not like 1978's Halloween at all.  It is a general Thriller.
2) It is not even set on the day in the Title!  The Date plays no part in the Story.
3) It was originally called One More Minute and/or Snapshot, before coming to the U.S.
4) The Film is actually Australian

Lastly, I decided to have some fun with this thing and spruce it up a little.  I didn't quite finish in time, but it is definitely an improvement.  Take a look...

Given that it is too late now, maybe I should cover this one a year from now.  Sounds like a plan.