Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Rare Flix: Project Vampire (1993)

Almost 6 years after featuring the VHS Box Art, I finally review the Film!  Today's Film is Project Vampire, a 1993 Horror Film.  You'll never guess what it is about.  The Film tells the tale of some new-age Vampires trying to take over the World.  Naturally.  Their plan is to turn people into Vampires, thus leading to that Ethan Hawke Film that most people don't remember.  In their way, a Nurse and some guy.  Oh no!  From the Writer and Director of...just this Movie and featuring the Star of...mostly just this, comes...a Film.  I shouldn't shit on the Director too much- he is a Propmaker.  According to IMDB, he has WAY more Credits at that (although many are also Uncredited...so huh?) than anything else.  Whatever works, I guess.  I'm expecting some damn good Props in this one now!  To find out just how many ways I can be let down, read on...
As the Credits roll, 3 Scientists run around at night.  What are they running from?
Well, they found out that their Boss was a Vampire and he wants them to help make a 'turn people into Vampires' serum sold as New Age Medicine.  Alucard Seed Oil?

One escapes and ends up with this Nurse.  Sadly, it is not Rosario Dawson.
The other 2 end up back with their evil Boss and his eye-patch wearing henchman, who's human.  It sure is blue in here.  Is this the foreshadowing of Underworld's blue Color Correction?!?
The evil dude and company want our Lead, since he has some of the serum.  They don't want the truth to get out, after all.

I mean, really, who'd want to see a Planet of the Vampires?
This guy is a Chemist who helps our Heroes.  He also helps set back the Asian Culture by 20 years with his stereotypical broken English schtick.  He was born in Los Angeles.  混蛋
The plan: sell a serum that will make you live longer.  Yeah, but you have to wear those puffy shirts and hang out in Nightclubs waiting for Blade to show up.  Worth it?
When the stereotype and the Nurse are captured, our Hero mopes into action!
 All kidding aside, they battle the evil Vampire guy eventually and get him outside, where he suddenly turns into a different guy and gets burned up.
In the aftermath, our Heroes...just kind of run away.  The End.
 Pretty disappointing stuff.  Where's my naked Vampire Lady coming out of a Sci-Fi Machine?!?  That doesn't happen.  It's so weird- VHS Boxes have never lied to me!!  All joking aside, there's not much to say here.  The Budget is low and the creativity isn't that high.  You don't need alot of money to make an interesting Film- just look at The Amazing Bulk.  Note how I didn't say 'a good Film' there.  The premise has potential, but the pay-off isn't there.  There isn't much Action, the Acting isn't that great and the whole thing just feels kind of meh.  What a disappointment.  On the plus side, they managed to kick this guy out after last call...
Next up, a Holiday Film from South of the Border.  Viva crappy Movies!  Stay tuned..

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