Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Rare Flix: Abducted by the Daleks

This is most definitely NOT canon!  Today's Film is Abducted by the Daleks, a 2005 Porn Parody (of sorts) involving the Doctor Who Universe.  While I'm sure that there must be a real one by now (I trust the Internet), this one was done right around the time of the Series' revival.  There is no Doctor here- just the titular Daleks.  Why is a 2005 Film already 'Rare' you ask?  Well, it wasn't exactly done with the proper Copyright and laws are a bit trickier in the UK.  To that end, it was blocked on sites like eBay before the name was changed to Abducted by the Daloids.  On top of that, they used real props, as to making their own.  While there is no Skaro in here, the Director did credit himself as 'John Skaro' for this one.  Ha?  The Story involves some women (one of whom changes Actresses mid-way through), the Daleks and some light BDSM.  This is kind of on the fence of being real Porn, hence my willingness to review it.  I'll leave actual Porn to the other 99% of the Internet (and The Cinema Snob).  Is this worth getting possibly sued over?  To find out, read on...
On a dark night, four Eastern European Women are out for a a fake car.  This is fooling nobody, guys!
When their car is stopped on the road, they split up and wander around.  What could go wrong?
The answer: Daleks!

Weirdly enough, this and Looney Tunes: Back in Action have a commonality- illegal Dalek use.
For some reason (let's blame the Daleks), the first woman strips and is later captured.  Hi, Lawyers!
Two more are later captured as the Film's clear motive is shown- Nudity.  That's pretty much it.
The first one is turned evil (or something), but this is mostly just an excuse for nudity and light whipping.  This never came up on Doctor Who!
The one eventually escapes, only to run into this weird alien Farmer guy...
..who the Daleks beam up to their ship in a laughable effect.  Bob can do better!
She later escapes further and tells her story to the Police...while still naked...and is interrupted by the arrival of an off-screen Dalek.  The End.
Weird, but not much to talk about.  The idea of this thing is weird.  The fact that it actually got banned in the UK for a while is interesting.  The actual 'Film' is...meh.  It is mostly people talking heavily-accented English with one of the worst Scripts you can find.  As far as rare gems go, this is not one.  It is certainly good for a laugh- at first, anyways.  The actual thing is 55 minutes long, so it definitely runs longer than the joke merits.  Naked ladies and Daleks- that's pretty much it.  Nobody really does anything all that sexual, so it isn't quite Porn.  If you are seeing it for the ladies, they are...alright, but that kind of skinny that makes you wonder if they are healthy.  In other words, they didn't do much for me.  Seeing the Daleks in something like this is funny and strange, but it only goes so far.  Besides, hasn't this happened already?
Well, it can't get any more random than that, right?  Well, let me try to up the ante then.  Stay tuned...

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