Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mondo Spaino: Alucarda

Satan is very popular...in cinema, that is. In most other places, he has nicknames like The Prince of Lies (America), the Deceiver (England) or Pitchfork-Scary Man (Japan). I'd apologize to the Japanese for that one, but they still owe me for 964 Pinnochio. Big Red plays a part in this film as well...
The film begins a young lady (Justine) being sent into the middle of damn nowhere. They are somewhat vague about why, but, given that she is from a family of Spanish Catholics, you can draw a pretty good conclusion. They dump her off in a private monastery that appears to be carved out of a cave.
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She quickly meets a new pal named Alucarda there. The girl is a bit odd, appearing for all intents and purposes to be an unrepentant Goth chick. Why is she there exactly? They do what all new friends do: go out in the wood and buy magical items for a man who appears to be half-Satyr and half-Hunchback. Of course!
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That night, Justine passes out mysteriously and is sent to her room. Alucarda begs and moans until she can stay with her alone. That is when all Hell breaks loose. The satyr-back appears out of nowhere, the ladies' clothes come off in a hurry and gyrations aplenty ensue. This is the high-point of insanity for the whole movie. In this five minute or so scene, the women cut themselves and drink a little of each others' blood, the sky rains blood and a massive Satanic orgy breaks out on the lawn. As suddenly as it starts, it ends abruptly as well.
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The girls start to act weird, including speaking Satanic verses in mass. Their cure is to tie them up to a pair of crosses, strip Justine (again) and proceed with more blood-letting (via numerous cuts over her body). This is after covering her with leeches the previous night. Yeah, she dies. Alucarda vows revenge, but I'm sure that nothing comes of it.
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Apparently I was wrong, as the young lady plots a gruesome revenge. In the meantime, she spends some time with a nice doctor (played by the villain from "Mansion of Madness") and his blind daughter. Summoning up her power, she heads back to the monastery for revenge. Faster than you can say 'FLAMING NUNS,' the lady has numerous women of the church running around on fire. Around the same time, Justine comes back to life in a pool of her own blood, but is killed again. It's the thought that counts, honey.
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I won't spoil the finale for you. I mean, save for the fact that more people get lit on fire and a giant cross plays a part in it. This movie is just plain weird. The freak-out scene takes place with almost no warning and ends before you can really process it. The story is really shallow (girl meets girl, girls worship Satan, everybody dies) and simplistic. This is another great release from Mondo Macabro, a company that hope lives forever. They give us good DVD transfers, obscure movies (Bollywood horror!) and a great trailer reel.
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I'm going to take a look at a genre that I have really not touched yet...mostly because they are sticky and gross. Stay tuned...

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