Monday, May 11, 2009

Dos Ex Machina: Evilspeak

This Satan fellow really gets around. He has been a force in every country, from England (Satan's Slave) to Spain (Alucarda) to Indonesia (The Killing of Satan). His stops in America have been more famous, although today's subject is one of the few exceptions. Why have we completely forgotten about...
I will preface this review by stating that a lot of this plot will seem very contrived. That is all.
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In an elite military school, young boys are turned into men a la Robert E. Lee or Ulysses S. Grant. Then there is our hero. He is clumsy, out of shape and going prematurely bald. The best and the brightest, my ass! Actually, it is stated that he only got in because of his family's legacy and he sure knows it. He is disrespected, pushed around and generally talked down-to. This sure won't end in a bloody rampage, right?
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Left to his own devices, the young man discovers a computer that is used to catalog old religious artifacts. While in the basement, he discovers numerous Satanic works. That is sure odd to have at a Catholic school, isn't it? Maybe it has something to do with the intro of the movie showing a heretic (played by Richard Moll) being decapitated over one-hundred years ago. Fed up with being messed with, our young hero begins to learn a spell of power. It requires some stuff that is not easily found. More torture, I guess.
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This movie is full of characters that are just unnaturally mean. Our lead discovers a puppy that he keeps down in the attic. After a night of drinking and carousing, the tormentors wander down to the attic. They see Clint's Commodore 64 out with instructions on how to summon Satan. Seeing that he needs innocent blood, they naturally grab the puppy and kill it with a sacrificial dagger. Wait, what?!? I've heard of angry drunks, but murderous drunks are a new thing to me entirely. This pushes our hero over the edge and to finish the spell. Crap is going to come down now, people!
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After a long build-up, super-evil Clint is born. He first causes a nail on a statue of Jesus to drive through the forehead of the Chaplain. Blowing a hole in the floor, he emerges through it a la Cathy Rigby. He is a bit creepier than her, with his hair matted back and sword in hand. A bloody and vicious series of killings takes place. Oddly, nobody survives this and there is no comeuppance for our hero/villain. Um...okay. The End.
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This movie is a strange, strange thing. It is basically a rip-off of Carrie, but with a guy and Satan. It has the same pacing of its inspiration and works like any other revenge film. The difference is that his tormentors go above and beyond the normal call of duty for a bully. The message is also odd: Satan will solve all of your problems. A curious film that all interested parties should see at least once.
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You want parody films really need? Lots of nudity. Stay tuned...

2 comments:

  1. I wasnt a fan of this one, the gore at the end was pretty sweet but I found the build up to be lacking and you hit the nail on the head with the bullying being completely ridiculous. I wanted more Satan action and sooner, anything to keep the pace moving.

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  2. They definitely take too long to get going.

    In fairness though, there are numerous films that do that and NEVER get to the good stuff. Just look at "The Gardener" or "Blood Freak."

    In case you hadn't noticed by now, I really hate "Blood Freak." If I wanted to waste my time, I'd do it playing video games.

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