Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Pornedy: Flesh Gordon

Yeah, I am going to have a hard time with this one. This cult film has a big reputation among fans and is unknown among casual viewers. It is also hard to talk about this film in a serious manner, but I'll try with...
The film begins with a long banner explaining that the film is a satire based on the 1930's serials. They make it very clear that it is no way related to them and made for comedy. Why the long explanation? This was made before the landmark case of Hustler v. Falwell that established fair use of parody. Now that we feel smarter, let's dumb it down.
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A sex ray is being fired at random points on the planet Earth. As you can imagine, it forces people to break out into orgies. Top scientists have tried to find a way to stop it, but keep getting distracted somehow. A reporter and a young man (Flesh) rush to the home of a crazy scientist hoping that he has a way to stop it. It turns out that he does, but the trip does not go uninterrupted. If you ever wanted to see Dale, Flash and Zarkoff humping, this is your movie. They arrive on the planet to discover a powerful dictator with a stupid name.
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As a not-so-subtle parody, the names in the movie are all innuendos. Aside from Flesh Gordon, Dr. Zarkoff is now Dr. Jerkoff. Ming the Merciless is now Wang the Perverted. Oh and the planet Mongo is now called planet Porno. Yeah, let's move on.
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Our heroes are captured by Wang and sent off into different areas: Dale to his harem, the Doctor to his science lab and Flesh to death. Naturally, our virile hero does not die, though he does lose most of his clothing in the fight. The Emperor's daughter takes a liking to him and puts him to use. Being the pure hero, Flesh has sex with her and then goes to save Dale. He rescues the Doctor and joins forces with Prince Baron...I mean, Prince Precious in his brand new outfit.
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The climax...I mean, conclusion of the film involves Wang's super-weapon, Flesh's space ship and a giant monster. Why not?!? One side note: the monster is voiced by Craig T. Nelson, of The Incredibles and Action Jackson fame. He is the best actor in the whole movie. In the end, good triumphs, evil loses and lots of people run around naked. The End.
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This film is not that good, to be honest. If you can accept all the freaking nudity, it has some moments of good humor. It will certainly not appeal to casual film fans by any stretch of the imagination. Honestly though, I cannot say that I failed to have a good time. Would I share this good time with others? Probably not. You don't count.
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Let's get away from dirty people and talk instead about dirty rats. Stay tuned...

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