Canada is a nice and friendly country, right? Not always. Aside from Celine Dion, they have occasionally punished us for our lack of universal health care with horror movies. This one is not that bad, but it manages to be creepy enough in certain places to affect one of our favorite childhood icons. It is called...
Those of you expecting a film in which a doll tries to kill a whale or a pair of anthropomorphic tricksters will be letdown. This is basically Child's Play 326, with a couple twists tossed in.
*
The film begins with a child murderer burying a body. Is that not creepy enough for you yet, viewers? He does this is the most torrential rainstorm since George Clooney went fishing, but still manages to get caught. When they find him, he has not buried his son...he has buried the doll. Wait, what? It will make sense later...sort of...but not.
*
We jump time a bit and find the puppet-smothering man in jail. Our heroine is a pro-bono lawyer trying to help the man with his appeals. He says that the doll turned his son evil and he had to do it. She passes him off as crazy while the doll remains in evidence. Somehow, she has to hold it for a weekend (don't ask) and it gets mistaken for one of her daughter's birthday presents. She agrees to let her keep it for a while, since she is unhappy in the wake of divorce.
*
Despite the doll clearly being a midget at times, the girl loves it and names it Pinocchio. That's all the pretense for the title you get, America. She takes it with her everywhere and it becomes her only real friend. Eventually, a girl at school picks a fight with her. After she leaves, her bike is damaged, causing her to crash. Around this time, our younger heroine learns that the doll can talk. He apologizes for causing the accident, but doesn't seem sincere.
*
This goes on for a little while. It does escalate fairly nicely though, to be honest. The girl talks to the doll, the mom thinks she is crazy and someone gets hurt. Eventually, the mom's boyfriend is pushed down the stairs by Pinocchio...somehow. He ends up in the hospital, but the film is not done with him yet. Pinocchio asks the girl to cut his strings, which leads him to become a midget again and run to the hospital. Somehow, he sneaks in, turns off the life-support and leaves, all without any detection. If you think that hospital is bad, wait about six more reviews.
*
Eventually, the mother finally decides to take the 'state's evidence' away from the kid. It doesn't go well. Pinocchio attacks her and she must fight for her life. They make this a little less funny than it sounds thanks to dark lighting. Eventually, the lady fights off the puppet (hehe) and discovers...her daughter. They seem to imply that the daughter did it all, but the mom doesn't believe it. Of course, she has no proof. The End. Seriously, it just ends like that.
*
This movie not bad, but it is not that good either. The biggest star is the brunette from "Seaquest DSV," so that should say it all. The film has some nudity in it, though it is from the babysitter and not the busty lead. Despite this wasted opportunity, you can do worse than watching this movie, as long as you accept it for what it wants to be.
*
It is Mondo time again. Get ready for the classic song once more! Stay tuned...
No comments:
Post a Comment