Thursday, May 14, 2009

Bi-Polar Cinema: Hard Gun

I hate it when movies lie to me- plain and simple. I can accept stupid premises (The Dragon Lives Again), questionable premises (Attack of the Giant Leeches) and insane ones (Death Trance). What I cannot stand is when a movie says it is one thing and is another. That is the case with today's import from Thailand...
The format is going to be a little different here. I am trying to properly represent the tonal changes. Bear with me.
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The movie begins with the police surrounding a building full of criminals. The villains suspect something, but do not do much about it. Eventually a shoot-out/karate fight breaks out. This is actually a pretty good bit, if maybe a bit too rehearsed-looking. A bunch of people are killed, including the crime boss' brother. Since our hero shot him, things will get rough.
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Cut to a few years later, the cop is on vacation in his hometown with his dad and sister. She has a conniving friend (who appears to be about 40) who likes to go gambling with her. The dad catches them and a chase ensues. Insert Benny Hill music here. Oh wait, they actually did. Yes, they give us the stupid music and a sped up chase scene full of 'comedy.' Movie- either shoot someone or shoot me!
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We get more 'comedy' for about 20 minutes, which I will gladly gloss over for you. Basically, more funny faces and sped-up running. Oh thank God, some serious stuff!
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After far too long, the crime boss and his new henchman (Tony Jaa) show up looking for our hero. Ooh, this is going to be good.
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Holy mother of God, more comedy! Why why why?!? Our three heroes (if you count the bad comic relief guy) are confronted by bullies. They proceed to have a 'comedy' fight on a playground.
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Hey look, the villain is back. He is confronting the hero's dad. I can't wait for...
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Son of a...more comedy?!? The bad comedy fight turns into a comedy chase into a soccer field. They proceed to play *sigh* 'fighting soccer.' This hurts.
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Once this crap ends, the villains kidnap our hero's sister and beat up his dad. Father, son and *sigh* comedy guy with crooked teeth go to save the day. They split up, hopefully leaving the idiot to die. I'm not so lucky.
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Our hero chases the lead villain and has a shoot-out with him. This movie is finally getting...
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The fat guy with crooked teeth is stuck on a big rock. Ha ha hurting.
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Finally, our hero and Jaa have a fight. It is actually quite good. There is not quite the same level of polish and sheen that we would get later in Ong-Bak, but it is still good. This does not last nearly long enough before both Jaa and the boss are shot dead. Movie over?
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No, we still need closure on the bully plot-line. Sure. The only pay-off here is the bit with the dad switching from beer to milk. He...I mean, his stunt double does a spin kick and chases off the guys. Now is it the end? Yes.
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This movie really hurt me. I can accept Tony Jaa not being the lead or even that big of a player. I enjoy other Thai action films without him- i.e. Dynamite Warrior and Chocolate. If this was an action movie that he was only a bit player in (Spirited Killer), I could deal with it. This...was just a painful exercise in waiting for the good stuff. It is Human Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy all over again. Now you see why I called this Bi-Polar Cinema, don't you?
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Let's move on and discuss something good...or a film by Uwe Boll. Stay tuned...

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