Supergirl
Many of you are thinking 'this is a superhero film- putting magic in this movie would be stupid!' Yes, yes it would.*
In the wake of Superman II's success, the Salkynds got a young woman, put her in tights and tried to siphon off money from their cash-cow franchise. This is an early example of what the internet calls 'an epic fail.'
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On a neighboring planet of Krypton, peace is prevalent. When danger comes their way, they send a young woman from their planet to the save haven of Earth. Nah! I'm just kidding. She pretty much just leaves when a McGuffin crystal goes missing. I had you going for a moment though, didn't I?
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The first kick in the pants that the movie gives us a random news headline about Superman being out in space for some stupid reason. Thanks, movie. I'm sorry, but your Superman is in another castle. Don't fret, people. I'm sure that this movie can give us something to make up for this, right? They give us...Faye Dunaway? Swing and a miss.
*Our villain is an eccentric rich lady who also happens to be a witch. She tires of normal life...well, normal life for Faye Dunaway. Her life gains a purpose when she discovers the crystal of random-convenient powers. While our heroine wastes time in a prep school (heroically, mind you), our villain schemes to get it. When our plot finally makes Supergirl do something, the evil lady lashes out in the most horrific way...trucks.
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The evil witch attacks our hero with magically-controlled construction equipment when she finally sticks her nose in the plot. What ancient druid spell allows you to do that again? If you think that is bad, check out her follow-up: super-fast tilt-a-whirl. Seriously? Are you really trying? I don't think you could kill Beppo, the Super Monkey. By the way, that is a real character.
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The worst attempts at magic are actually much more subtle. A sub-plot involves Jimmy Olsen (the only hold-over from the Superman series) attempting to seduce Lois Lane's sister Lucy. First off, their parents must really love alliterations. Secondly, if you were really Superman's pal, you wouldn't even attempt to 'hit that.' I'd sick Iceman and the Smallville version of Parasite on you, if they weren't already played by you. Look it up, people.
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This movie is bad- plain and simple. It is sort-of funny to laugh at, but only if you have a really, strong will. It is bad, dated and silly. There is no real redeeming factor, even with Peter O'Toole's glorified cameo. Unless you love crap like Howard the Duck, avoid this movie.
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If you think that was a bad use of magic, wait until you see the world's two laziest wizards. Stay tuned...
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