Thursday, May 28, 2009

Captain's Log: Visiting Hours

Star Trek was a good show, although it had its sketchy moments. T.J. Hooker was not. Boston Legal was a really good show, albeit silly and erratic in tone. I give you all of this information to give you a good idea about the star of all of these: William Shatner. His films have had the range of good (Kingdom of the Spiders), quirky (Incubus) and bad (The Devil's Rain). Today's film is none of those though. It is...
The film begins with a woman giving a stirring speech on a network news show. When a film immediately reminds me of The Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf, it is not good. Our lady does not turn into a white wolf, but, instead is rebuked by her boss (Shatner). He tells her that it is dangerous to talk out about a person that is still on the streets and refuses to play the video. Keep this in mind. She goes home, but finds her roommate/sister/this movie never really explains her importance has left the house a mess. After a long build-up, a threat reveals itself as...
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Shirtless Michael Ironside covered in earrings! If that is not scary, nothing is! He chases her around, stabs her a couple of times and, finally, thwarts her escape via Dumb Waiter. Rather than killing her, he lets her live another day, which turns out to be in the hospital. She is told that she has to undergo surgery to fix her wounded arm and her boss visits her (fulfilling the second of his five scenes). She is befriended by a nice nurse, but her attacker is still loose. Disguised as a flower delivery man, he gets into the hospital and finds the woman's room. He sees a woman on life-support and cuts her tube. It turns out that they moved our heroine, although the whorish nurse is killed for investigating. Not Whore Nurse!!
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This movie tends to venture into numerous side-plots that feel unrelated at this point. Our villain picks up a woman at a soda joint. She comes home with him...because a balding Ironside in a vinyl shirt is irresistible, but it turns bad and fast! He rapes her and then the scene cuts. We also get a glimpse of the nurse's home life, which includes a daughter and a young lady who looks like more than just a babysitter. Maybe it's because she suddenly sits down next to the woman on her bed in only a towel that makes me think that. The woman is divorced, which apparently I care about. Plus, we get Ironside at an old folk's home with his dad. We get Psycho IV-style flashbacks to sort-of explain the villain's motivation. Where did you go, plot?
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I have to address one glaring problem with this movie: the premise. It is built entirely around Michael Ironside's ability to blend in and get into any building. Is he at all inconspicuous? He never once stops making his evil face, but wears glasses or different uniforms. Picture Ted Bundy. Now picture him in glasses. Would you automatically let your guard down around this person? Hell no. In fairness, this is sort of a Catch-22. The guy looks really creepy and is effective in the role. He is simply not believable as a master of disguise, glasses or not.
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The movie does get pretty good in the finale, although some stuff is a bit sketchy. The villain tricks his way into the hospital, while the police find his apartment thanks to a very elaborate group of subplots. Basically, the girl he raped goes to a Free Clinic that our nurse just happens to work at one day a week. She later comes to the nurse and proves useful to the plot. He attacks our heroine again, but she manages to flee. She is tricked into taking the elevator into the basement, which appears to be the same one from Clonus. In a stupid twist, it is also where another one of his victims is being treated. Really, movie?!? She manages to trick the man and stabs him to death. No, wait! He's still alive for one last...never mind. He's dead. The End.
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In all honesty, this movie is pretty good. It is for that reason that it avoided being classified as '80s Trash.' Shatner is barely in the movie, but does liven it up when he appears. Ironside is very good at his role, even if it is barely-written. He is solely a crazy man who hates strong women due to a past incident. No complexity here, people. The pacing is pretty well and it does not always jump right to the killing. If you can accept the absurdity of Ironside sneaking past everyone, you can have a good time.
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You want more Mondo and more Macabro. Okay. Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. Im a fan, I think it definitely ranks as one of Ironsides best performances. Great review!

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