Friday, March 20, 2009

4th and Goal: Critters 4

We're just over halfway through. Must...survive...movies.
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Another series had been pushing its luck by trying to keep going. They had changed the setting three times and needed something fresh. When in doubt, go into space! This is the case with today's film...
This title should tell you all you need to know, huh? Well, it is actually better than it sounds. Anyone who really likes sci-fi and cannot handle sub-par acting may not agree. That is certainly reasonable. But still, screw you anyways.
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The film starts off with the dorky hero of the first three films- he has Robert Englund Syndrome, I guess- getting stuck in a pod with the last two of the Critters. He gets frozen in hibernation for over fifty years. Holy Futurama, Batman! This is where he stays until the pod is opened. I wonder where this is going.Oh, right. Meanwhile, the pod is found by the crew of a salvage spaceship. The crew consists of a lecherous Captain, the black lady navigator, a drug addict, a questionable science expert and a kid. Yeah, a kid. Well, he's about 15, but still...really? I should mention that nobody on the ship are related to him. So he's on the ship...why?
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They call in a company, who is very happy to get the pod back. The tiny crew goes to a space station, which is oddly unmanned. They wander around while waiting for the boss to come. The captain has the good idea to open the pod. Yeah, he dies. The deaths come intermittently throughout, though the small cast plays against the idea of a big body count.
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All of this builds up to a strange third act. The boss comes back, complete with a group of guards right out of 'Fallout 3.' The scientist decides to yell at the evil businessman. Yeah, he dies. Our nice heroes trick the guards into being killed by the beasts. Hurray for moral ambiguity! All the monsters die and the villain dies too. The film ends with the kid, the un-frozen schmuck and the lady flying off to safety...until the idiot hits the controls. So they're dead now? I don't get it.
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This definitely could have been worse. Then again, so can Stage 2 Diabetes. I cannot wholeheartedly recommend the movie in all good conscience. Fortunately, I don't have one. Rent away, suckas!
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One more to go & it involves a demon. Who could it be? Oh, I don't know. Could it be...SATAN. Stay tuned...

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