Hard-Boiled

Hard Boiled

This is a movie for any person who has a major fetish for sparks and explosions. On the off-chance that this does not exist outside of a David Cronenberg movie, I will do more to sell this movie. John Woo- you know, the guy with the doves- made his name with this highly-acclaimed cop film. Unlike Infernal Affairs this film is more about Chow Yun Fat diving around and shooting than it is about police corruption and intrigue. If you note, I did not say in what manner this film is acclaimed. This movie has guns out the wazoo; in contrast to Izo, which literally had swords coming out of the sphincter. Hard-Boiled does have a fairly complex plot; at least it appears that way on the surface. In reality, it is merely a road map of shoot-out to shoot-out. Mr. Fat does a good job portraying Officer Tequila, though there is a reason why his other acting gigs are far more touted. This guy is about as nuanced as an Archie character, to put it bluntly. A film like this does not lure you in with these elements and everybody knows it. Like any popular Will Ferrell movie, the whole package serves only one purpose: entertainment. If you are in the mood for crazy, John Woo action and a plot that actually makes sense, then pick this movie over Mission Impossible II. Mmm, I smell a lawsuit coming. While I await frivolous legal recourse, let us venture onto the review proper.

If you should not bring a knife to a gunfight, what about a caged bird? According to Mr. Woo, the answer is yes; Maya Angelou be damned! Tequila and his surely-not-going-to-die partner are inconspicuously observing a criminal deal going down in a restaurant with very lax aviary restrictions. Before I go on, it is best that you sit down. The deal turns sour and a shooting breaks out. It is at this point that the police were wise for sending Margarita and not MacGyver. Bullets are flying and civilians are dying. Before you can say "that was an odd moment to rhyme," our hero bursts into action. Johnny Walker's refusal to be shot proves to be his greatest attribute, though not to underplay his fashion sense. He and his partner do a good job of blasting bad guys, all the while making peace with the idea of "acceptable losses." The climax of this whole shebang, literally, comes when one villain tries to flee down the stairs. Using his ability to break logic and common sense, Chow slides down the handrails, shooting all the while. This is just the beginning of the absurdity to come.

Cop clichés live on, even in mainland China. Officer Martini works in a police station filled with most of the caricatures you expect to see. His chief, for one, views him as a loose cannon. Considering his penchant for pulling out his cannon and firing into a crowd of people, the assessment is somewhat apropos. In a weird twist, our protagonist is not assigned to a young, rookie cop to 'learn the ropes' with him. Of course, why would anyone want to have a second cop like him on the force anyhow? Instead, Guinness opts for the whole 'lone tiger' thing. If it were me, I might have chosen an animal that whose genitalia are not harvested as an aphrodisiac for Asian businessmen. Detective Vodka also has an unrequited love interest, a cute gal who never really rises above the limited role she is given. That is less of a cop cliché and more of an action movie one, but work with me, people! In addition, there is Tony Leung Chiu Wai, who is the real enigma of the story. At first, he appears to just be one of the bad guys. When he manages to actually live through a gun battle, it is apparent that there is more to him. In actuality, he is an undercover cop, besides being a great shot as well. Given how long the film takes to make this reveal, what I am saying it is not too much of a spoiler. As any fan of John Woo knows, plot details are usually his fifth priority.

If you want to see Chow Yun Fat running around in a hail of gunfire, this is Heaven…or whatever they believe in over there. When he learns of a criminal buy going down, his natural assumption is to rush in by himself. He must know some sort of ancient Chinese secret. If Mr. Whiskey was a superhero, his power would be the immunity to stray gun fire. The sheer level of sparks in this scene is enough to make the creator of Highlander think it is excessive. Being the one-man Ghost Recon team that he is, Cognac takes out numerous bullet-absorbents and keeps on coming. By the way, he also has a whole bunch of grenades now too; run like hell! When that man has shrapnel-based explosives, it is like pissing off the star of Walker: Texas Ranger a recipe for pain and destruction. This scene almost makes you empathize for all of those nameless flunkies. It is the first time that I think that a scene could actually be described as an orgy of bullets. The main bad guys get away, making sure to leave time for some betrayal and back-stabbing first though. Our hero also manages to survive, though that was pretty freaking obvious.

Of all the films I expected to be a comedy of errors, Hard Boiled was not on the top of my list. These cops often display Keystone-esque feats of stupidity that makes you wonder how they got hired in the first place. You would think that in a country with that many people, they could find people who do not commit quite so much justifiable homicide. Jingoism aside, it does make for some pretty good laughs. The idiocy ranges from the generally stupid- taking off your flak jacket right before I guy bursts in and shoots you- to the astonishingly-bad – like how they deal with an electronic-lock on a door before the big face-off. The crux of this movie's Darwin Award-worthiness involves their protection of a mob snitch late into the story. The undercover cop, when forced into a situation where his 'comrades' want the man dead, shoots him in a non-vital area and chucks him into the water for Rum to rescue. Later, they are covertly guarding him in his hospital room; good so far. When an assassin sneaks into his room to kill the guy, he finds only an empty room and quick death. Being the bright guys they are, the duo celebrate their own cleverness, all the while ignoring the man they were protecting. As you might expect, he gets killed in a sneak attack while they are not watching. I do not have any faith in the Witness Protection Program now. Thanks, John Woo.

If you are a fan of action movies and are not afraid of a heaping, helping dose of absurdity, Hard
Boiled is a must-see movie. I was not exactly expecting a lot from the movie, given that most films with that level of Indy hype tend to be a let-down, so it was pleasantly surprising. Chow Yun Fat really does not have much to do in the movie, save for jumping around and firing off prop guns. Admittedly, if I could pull it off, that would be enough for me too. For this movie, it proves to be just fine. Oftentimes, action movies can be a letdown in the long run; having great action scenes in the beginning, but appearing to putter out when it comes to delivering the coup de gras. That is not the case here. The ending action scene in the film is an extended bit involving the siege of a hospital. You have to give a guy credit for staging a 30+ minute scene like John Woo did. As for the rest of Boiled" it is not exactly a slouch either. After you watch this movie, there is no question about why he became the darling of the action movie market. One could debate how well he has since lived up to his reputation over the years, but that is another matter altogether. That guy with the stubble and the minor in Film Studies is not lying to you when he says that you need to see this movie. However, that bit about Ayn Rand being the greatest author of all time is bull-crap. In summary- explosions good, Atlas shrugging bad.