'70s Trash: Voodoo Black Exorcist

Well, since it is February, I might as well talk about this thing.  Long long ago, I bought a Drive-In Movies Set from Best Buy.  To this day, I've only barely scratched the surface of its content.  It contains Action Films, Slasher Films, Suspense Films, Horror Films and even a Film about the Mormon Trail!  Hidden amongst all of those is a Film with a great Title- Voodoo Black Exorcist.  Somehow I've never watched it until yesterday.  The Film was actually made in Spain, but messed with in all sorts of ways for this American Release.  It includes some hilarious dubbing- the high point being a serious, Spanish Man given a Capote-style Accent-, cutting and a Print that appears to have been left in the dankest of all Cellars for the last 40 years.  To be fair, the Film is only called that here and is actually titled Bloody Voodoo.  Weird aside: this was called La Vengeance du Zombie in France, but comes on the same Disc as Vengeance of the Zombies (which itself is also Spanish)!  The Plot is, well, The Mummy.  They just changed the location and set it mostly on a Cruise Ship.  To find out just how bad this weird thing is, read on...

In the Cold Open, a man and a woman get romantic until her husband shows up.  The two men fight and the latter somehow falls on a spear at an impossible angle.

The survivor is killed and tossed in a sarcophagus, while the women is also killed.

Oh yeah, I should mention: this 1973 Film uses Blackface to achieve the 'reincarnated lovers' bit.

An obnoxious narrator- probably not in the Spanish Version- says that 1,000 years has gone by since then, which is shown by footage of Space Shuttles and Rockets.  Yes, NASA B-Roll in a Spanish Zombie/Mummy Film!

Our Lead's sarcophagus is found on an island and brought onto a Cruise Ship...as you do.

As fate would have it, they hire a 'local' to do a 'native' dance on board.  This just happens to be a magic combo of Music and dance that can revive the dead.

Say what you will about Evil Dead, but it could have been sillier than the Tape Recorder!

So now he's back (and tinted less black) and he alternates between normal form and left out in the sun too long form.  So yeah, he's Karloff...on a Cruise Ship.

Reincarnated lovers, fate, magic- you know the deal.

The Mummy goes on a killing spree or two between hiding out in human form.  While the bad Paper Mache heads for decapitations are bad, this takes the cake.  Say 'Hi' to the Cameraman and, I'm guessing, the Director!

Skipping ahead, they get to an Island where the Mummy plans to restore the woman's memories.  One potential victim there proves to be too much when he wields...a fire hose.

In other words, just imagine the bit with the Cat from the Brendan Fraser Mummy...but in the 3rd Act of the Film!

It all leads to a climax in an admittedly-nice Cavern where the Secondary Lead goes for the most obvious route- roasting the Mummy (and the woman in his arms!) alive!  Now you're just ripping off Brainiac!  The End.

 Pure, silly trash.  This is a ridiculous knock-off of The Mummy.  The only thing they added was lots of random boobs, bad Characters (at least in the Dubbing), Blackface and an overuse of the term 'Primitives.'  I don't know how much of this I can blame on the people behind the original Film, as it was changed quite a bit by the time I saw it.  That said, they did put a Spanish Man and Woman in Blackface for the Plot.  Is there a reason why this had to start in Nigeria, thus 'necessitating' the decision?  No.  It could have easily just been a Pacific Island where the natural shading of their Actors would have matched.  So that was just pointlessly-Racist.  Is there a selling point for this Film?  It is stupid and ridiculous.  If you can get past some elements, it could be enjoyable for a Bad Movie Night or some laughs to you in private.  I will mention this: they replay nearly the entire Dance & Murder Ritual about six times in the Film.  After the initial one, they replay it seemingly at-random when they show the Mummy walking around.  I hope that ugly red filter pleases you...

Next time, a look at a Film that is so weird for its Casting.  It also connects to this Year's Oscar Race, so why not do it now?  Stay tuned...

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: Savage Weekend

As the weekend approaches, here's hoping that yours is a good one.  It could, you know, be worse.

For example, take this one...

Oh crap- Death is back.  He finally figured out that I cheated in that Chess Game!

Yeah, this is obviously a masked killer and I can only hope that he looks this cool.

You know, I do own this one.  I suppose I could always look...but I won't (yet).

Here's the original...

Most people with a Time Machine would go back and meet famous people.  I'd use it to make it illegal for people to fold up Movie Posters like this.  It makes this so much harder for me!

Quick Reviews: Batman- Gotham by Gaslight

Another week and another Batman Animated Film.  Hallelujah.  This won't happen again (sadly), so let's see what the Adult Version looks like...

In this Elseworlds Tale, Jack the Ripper has shown up in Gotham and he's killing again.

Having read the Comic today, it's interesting to see the big and little changes.  For example, Bruce Wayne and the Ripper both show up in Gotham at the same time there, but not here.

Batman is here to help the poor and stop the evil.  Big points for his steampunk gear too.

As Bruce, he tries to save the City with his money.  He also plays up his Playboy persona to great effect.

Enjoy this one Scene in the daytime too.

Batman works the case with Gordon, who doesn't want him in Jail, but also doesn't trust him much.

In the Comic, he's drawn to look like Theodore Roosevelt.  Just like in Dylan Dog, I'm sad that they changed it.

The Ripper proves to be a much more potent threat than Batman expected.

Can Batman stop the killer?  Can he save his City?  Can he look any more bad-ass with those steampunk goggles?

To find out, see the Film (as you should).

Another enjoyable Batman Film.  This one is obviously very different than the last one I watched.  In that one, Batman worked with Scooby-Doo and Shaggy.  In this one, he's battling a Serial Killer who cuts up Women that he calls 'whores.'  Yeah, this is an R-Rated one.  On the plus side, nobody is melted by magic shit (literal, not figurative) like the last one I saw (Justice League Dark).   This one works quite well for a number of reasons.  First- the look.  The 1989 Graphic Novel was drawn by Mike Mignola (of Hellboy fame) and they really nail it.  This isn't the first time that they've matched the look of the Film to the Artist's, but this one just worked extra well for me.  On top of that, the Steampunk Setting is a nice change of pace from normal Gotham.  It sure is brown, but I can live with it.  Second- the Acting.  Bruce Greenwood plays a great Batman, having done so previously in Under the Red Hood and Young Justice.  He has a good balance between older, serious voice and super-gravely one.  He'll never replace Kevin Conroy, but he's the right guy for this Film.  Everyone else is also quite good, from Jennifer Carpenter to regulars like John DiMaggio and Grey DeLisle.  There's no weak link here.  If you like a stylized, continuity-free Batman Film that is a bit darker, check this one out.  You won't get two more different Films featuring the same Character so close together again, so enjoy it.  Finally, the return of blimps to Batman!

Batman and Steampunk is a great combination.  This is the first Elseworlds Tale and it is nice to see it given a highlight.

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art?: Subway (1985)

As a fan of Christopher Lambert, it is always interesting to see his non-Highlander Roles.  In this case, it is a Film made before he even started down that road.

Let's see if this lovely Box Art can sell me...

Lambert with a Lightsaber?  Lambert with a Lightsaber!

Get on my TV, Movie!

As always, the original...

An old, washed out Box just needed a touch-up.  That's why I'm here.

Quick Reviews: The Shape of Water

After great Reviews and about a dozen Oscar Nominations, do you really need me to Review this?  Well, I am anyways!  Let's see if the hype matches the reality...

During the Cold War, a mute Woman named Eliza works on the Cleaning Staff at some sort of Military Lab/Installation.

With the arrival of a scary man (Michael Shannon- who is way overlooked!) comes a mysterious asset that they want to study.

This guy is not Abe Sapien's brother.  Instead, he's a Fish Man with an implied past similar to a Universal Character.

So are we ever going to get that Creature from the Black Lagoon with Scarlet?  Dark Universe or not, it could still be interesting- assuming it is even necessary at this point.

Our Heroine is initially just curious about the creature, but then starts to feel feelings for it as the men torture it and they both stare longingly at each other.

What will happen to this creature?  Can he be freed from his captivity?

Well, that's kind of obvious, isn't it?  The bigger question: why is he trying to help her?

To find out, watch the Film already!

A good Film.  This should be obvious by now, right?  The Film looks great, feels unique (even if it borrows from other Films) and is just great.  Del Toro knows how to make Films look pretty and colorful (helped by those around him, of course).  His last big Film- Crimson Peak- was also pretty, but just not as interesting as he must have thought it was.  I wanted to like that- I really did!  Likewise, Pacific Rim was fun and great-looking, but fairly-shallow.  Thankfully, Water bucks the trend and manages to be both!  While nowhere near her first role, Sally Hawkins really breaks out in a big way in this Film.  She never speaks (since she's Mute), but she is so good.  You really have to see her.  Likewise, Shannon, Octavia Spencer, Michael Stuhlbarg and Richard Jenkins are all good here too.  It really is a shame that Shannon was overlooked!  The Creature F/X are naturally quite impressive and Doug Jones works his usual magic here.  There's also enough of a look/feel difference for this not to just be Abe Sapien again- in spite of my earlier joke.  The Film just really, really works.  Go see it already! Now, be honest- who hasn't been in this situation? 

Considering the caliber of Director, it should be no surprise that this is good.  On the other hand, he's following his least-critically-successful Films, so good on him for proving people wrong.

Pilot Wings: Black Lightning

After Green Arrow, The Flash, The Atom, Black Canary, Firestorm, Killer Frost, Supergirl, Hawkman, Hawkgirl, Kid Flash and even Rip Hunter, the CW finally went 'Okay, it is your turn, bro.'  Black Lightning debuted a few weeks ago, I decided to start watching/covering it in some form now.  Seems logical, no?  The Character comes and goes in the Comics, sometimes only showing up for Event Comics and other times being part of the Justice League.  He's also most notable for being the guy that Hanna-Barbera replaced with Black Vulcan, since it's Creator- Tony Isabella- owned a stake in the Character and they'd have to pay him too.  Ouch.  With so many Superhero Shows/Films, will this one stand out?  Let's check out the Pilot and see...

Jefferson Pierce is a High School Principal and all about making a great future for his City.

While divorced, he has joint custody of his two Daughters and all is great.  Right?

Well, there are two things to know...

1) The City is in the midst of a crime spree by a gang called The 100 (not this one).
2) Pierce used to be Black Lightning, until he retired 9 years ago.

After a pyrrhic return to action, he sees his friend and costume/gadget maker.  Yea, James Remar is not playing a Villain (maybe?).

A big moment brings Pierce back into action as Black Lightning (now with new duds).  Will it be the start of a good thing or the beginning of the end for him?

To find out, start watching the Show.

I liked it- not shocking at all.  Even at its most banal- like the iffy Episodes of Legends of Tomorrow- I generally like the CW Shows.  I can't always keep track of all of them- I'm mostly sticking with The Flash right now-, but I do still like them.  This is no exception.  It was a big decision to have this NOT be set in the 'Arrowverse.'  Does it pay off?  I could go either way.  On one hand, it helps the Show feel like it is trying to do its own thing.  It doesn't feel like it needs to have the Connect The Shows thing- like how every CSI Show did- to make you interested.  On the other hand, it is set so far away that I don't see why it had to be separate.  Supergirl had to stay separate (in Universes, that is), since Superman and her both exist.  How does Superman not just show up Damien Darkh or a City in the midst of a super-drug-fueled riot?  This one could easily be connected, but also be its own thing.  Maybe name-drop the Arrow as being another example of why Vigilantes are bad.  It doesn't help or hurt the Show much to be separate or connected, all in all.  The Story is strong, the Acting is good and the limited use of big Special F/X was good.  I have no real complaints so far.  Now, whatever you do, try to blend in...

A really strong start for a Series.  Can it take the place of Luke Cage in our hearts?

Rare Cover Art: Alien & The Fog

I always like to see rare, random Posters.  For every famous one, there's a strange, one-off one that stands out.

Looking for Posters for The Fog, I found this double-bill Poster...

Neat!

Who wouldn't to go to a Theater and see these Films together?  I'd want that now in 2018!

Here's the original...

It just needed a little love.  That's why I'm here.

Quick Reviews: The Snowman (2017)

Is this one of the worst Films of 2017?  Will it make my worst of *my* 2018 List in December?  Let's see...

Harry Hole is a depressed, alcoholic Detective who keeps his job due to past achievements.

This would be more important if we knew the guy and if this wasn't based on THE SEVENTH BOOK IN THE SERIES.  Come on!

Plus, Harry Hole.  Tee-hee.

After a long absence, a Serial Killer known as The Snowman (not to be confused with The Iceman) returns and seems to have a grudge against Harry.

He must have very cold hands though.

To make things hard to follow, we get random cuts to the previous investigation into the killer from 9 Years ago.  The Detective- Val Kilmer (and his awful Voice Dubbing).

I don't dare poke fun at the man for his legitimate illness and how it affected him, but...wow, this is distracting.  Even in a good Movie, it is jarring.

Speaking of jarring, how about a drawn-out, pointless Sub-Plot with J.K. Simmons?  

Great.

Can Hole and his new Partner- with her own secrets- find out who the killer is before too many die?

Will the final showdown be epic or just watching snow melt? 

By the end, will you even care?

To find out, watch this (arguably) modern anti-Classic.

This is not good.  To be clear, there are many ways to be a Bad Movie.  

You could be Arty, but so in love with your own nonsense that nearly nobody can 'get it.'  

You can be cheap and just look terrible.  

You can try to fill too much Plot into too little time and just confuse your audience.  

You could be an Ed Wood Film.  

The Snowman isn't quite any of those.  At its best, the Film is shot well and looks nice.  Having just recently seen the Episode of Black Mirror set in Norway, this felt familiar.  Unlike that Episode, all of the Drama is lacking here.  For starters, we are beginning way too late in a Character's journey and just told stuff that happened.  We don't feel for Harry like we need to for this to work.  

If they had made a good Adaptation of a previous Book (or six) and we saw how he got to this sad, pathetic state, that would be different.  Instead, it is just 'See this drunk cop- know that you should feel bad about this.'  I really didn't.  Another thing it does is just simply cheat with the mystery.  Without SPOILing too much, one Character's big reveal is obvious the moment they give you a slight hint...so they just don't give it to you for no reason until halfway through the Film.  

There's obviously an issue with the Editing, as a good chunk of the Film was not actually done (anywhere between 10-20%).  Things like Pick-Up Shots (showing a man going to a Car) are missing, so the Film is extra-choppy at times.  

It is not unwatchable and, if anything, seems worse than it actually is because the good parts- like the Cinematography- are so good.  If it all sucked, it would just become a nebulous void.  

This is what it would be like to watch one Back-Up Dancer at a Michael Jackson Concert messing up every third move...but be the only one doing it.  Make sense?  

In the End, this is, well, bad.  I'll let Chloe Sevigny sum it up with her facial expression here.

To be honest, I was hoping to have a more visceral reaction.  It is mostly just pretty, but emotionally numb (when they aren't dubbing Kilmer, of course) and listless.

Quick Reviews: Scooby-Doo & Batman- The Brave and the Bold

I tend to like Animated Batman better than Live-Action Batman these days.  Will this combination of a Franchise that will never die and my favorite Batman Series keep the trend going?

The Scooby Gang meet up with Batman- from The Brave and The Bold Show- as he saves them during a case.

It turns out that their latest case was a set-up for them to join a group of Investigators led by Batman.

The group- which includes Martian Manhunter, Plastic Man, Black Canary, The Question and Professor Chimp- meets to work on each other's unsolved crimes.

Working on one case, the group is attacked by a mysterious crimson figure with a grudge against Batman!

Separated from the other Heroes, Batman shares the tale of his first case- also his only unsolved one.  Does it relate to this new one?

As a fun side-note, they make Batman look like his original Comic Book appearance here.  Yes, even the purple gloves.

When the group is framed for a crime during the investigation, can they work together to save the day?  To find out, watch the Film.

A fun return for arguably the best Animated Batman from Television.  I know that it is sacrilege to call anyone but Kevin Conroy's Batman the best, but I just love Diedrich Bader as Batman from his Show.  For me, it is the perfect balance of Adam West's silly Batman and the Comic Book Version.  He has the crazy gadgets and skills, but also talks about Civil Service and loves alliterations.  Scooby-Doo is, oddly enough, a Character I've never loved that much.  Yes, even though I've watched what felt like 100 of these Scooby-Doo and (Insert Name Here) Films, I'm not a huge fan.  When you team up with KISS and the WWE (twice), I'll watch.  As far as this Film goes, it uses the best Characters from The Brave and The Bold to great effect.  Aquaman is always fun in these and he continues to be so here.  They also use a ton of Batman Characters here- including The Mad Hatter ('66 Version), Penguin, The Joker, Clock King, Harley Quinn (below) and Catman- to make you really 'feel at home' here.  As a fan of that Show, I loved how this felt like it was part of the Universe.  As far as the Scooby gang goes, they do have fun with their tropes- like Shaggy saying that they are 'Usually called "Kids," often followed by "Meddling"- and make them feel at home.  It's also funny to think that between the last one of these- the 2nd WWE one- and this Film, I watched Matthew Lillard in Twin Peaks!  If you are the younger Demographic for this one, you should have a great time.  If you're a fan of either Show, you should have a great time.  I like to enjoy the little things in life like Batman Cartoons...or tying up a lady villain so hard that you knock her out.

A fun romp featuring Characters from The Brave and The Bold.  If you miss the Show like I do, check this out!