Tubi Thursday: Alien Rubicon (2024)

 After The Asylum's Predator Film was only so-so, how about their Alien Film?

As long as we get some low-budget Xenomorphs, I'm good!

A Scientist is preparing to go on Vacation with his kids.

A stop at the Observatory, however, leads to a UAP sighting and he's dragged into it.

A big, metal ball of a ship lands by New York and starts moving.

Picture Katamari Damacy, but not fun or whimsical.

It appears to be invulnerable to any weaponry.

It blasts any vehicle that gets near it.

Meanwhile, our Hero is flying around in a Helicopter with the Star of Ballistica and Mega Piranha.
Joy.

Can our Heroes find a way to stop this floating Pachinko Ball?

Will the folks over at CERN help?

Will shooting it somehow do a damn thing?

I mean, obviously not on that last one.

Now, about those Xenomorphs.  What do you got?

Sure- 10 seconds of that is enough.

Wow, this sure...wasn't what you were promising.

Scroll back up and look at that Poster again...

...and back to me now.
That's a creature not in this Film.
There's not even like a single shot of it as, for instance, the Leader of the Aliens.

Sadly, the bar for them is so low that I would have accepted that.

Instead, we get a pretty boring tale of President Michael Pare in a bunker (he's only ever in one), Ballistica Guy making constipated faces, Scientist guy alternating between pitching ideas and calling his kids & occasional shots of the ball.

A rush to a Third Act Climax does not make up for things.

When your Film is 40% Ballistica Guy making faces in an obviously fake Helicopter Rig, 20% a ball shooting lasers and 40% people pitching ideas to stop said ball, you're not doing well.

Imagine if they gave this thing an actual Premiere! 

A Film somehow less exciting and inspired than the last one.  There's a hint of a good idea hidden somewhere, but it's trapped inside a metaphorical big, round object. 
What do you call those again?