Quick Reviews: The Snowman (2017)

Is this one of the worst Films of 2017?  Will it make my worst of *my* 2018 List in December?  Let's see...

Harry Hole is a depressed, alcoholic Detective who keeps his job due to past achievements.

This would be more important if we knew the guy and if this wasn't based on THE SEVENTH BOOK IN THE SERIES.  Come on!

Plus, Harry Hole.  Tee-hee.

After a long absence, a Serial Killer known as The Snowman (not to be confused with The Iceman) returns and seems to have a grudge against Harry.

He must have very cold hands though.

To make things hard to follow, we get random cuts to the previous investigation into the killer from 9 Years ago.  The Detective- Val Kilmer (and his awful Voice Dubbing).

I don't dare poke fun at the man for his legitimate illness and how it affected him, but...wow, this is distracting.  Even in a good Movie, it is jarring.

Speaking of jarring, how about a drawn-out, pointless Sub-Plot with J.K. Simmons?  

Great.

Can Hole and his new Partner- with her own secrets- find out who the killer is before too many die?

Will the final showdown be epic or just watching snow melt? 

By the end, will you even care?

To find out, watch this (arguably) modern anti-Classic.

This is not good.  To be clear, there are many ways to be a Bad Movie.  

You could be Arty, but so in love with your own nonsense that nearly nobody can 'get it.'  

You can be cheap and just look terrible.  

You can try to fill too much Plot into too little time and just confuse your audience.  

You could be an Ed Wood Film.  

The Snowman isn't quite any of those.  At its best, the Film is shot well and looks nice.  Having just recently seen the Episode of Black Mirror set in Norway, this felt familiar.  Unlike that Episode, all of the Drama is lacking here.  For starters, we are beginning way too late in a Character's journey and just told stuff that happened.  We don't feel for Harry like we need to for this to work.  

If they had made a good Adaptation of a previous Book (or six) and we saw how he got to this sad, pathetic state, that would be different.  Instead, it is just 'See this drunk cop- know that you should feel bad about this.'  I really didn't.  Another thing it does is just simply cheat with the mystery.  Without SPOILing too much, one Character's big reveal is obvious the moment they give you a slight hint...so they just don't give it to you for no reason until halfway through the Film.  

There's obviously an issue with the Editing, as a good chunk of the Film was not actually done (anywhere between 10-20%).  Things like Pick-Up Shots (showing a man going to a Car) are missing, so the Film is extra-choppy at times.  

It is not unwatchable and, if anything, seems worse than it actually is because the good parts- like the Cinematography- are so good.  If it all sucked, it would just become a nebulous void.  

This is what it would be like to watch one Back-Up Dancer at a Michael Jackson Concert messing up every third move...but be the only one doing it.  Make sense?  

In the End, this is, well, bad.  I'll let Chloe Sevigny sum it up with her facial expression here.

To be honest, I was hoping to have a more visceral reaction.  It is mostly just pretty, but emotionally numb (when they aren't dubbing Kilmer, of course) and listless.