Back again for Worst of the Worst, and today I'm providing my take on Astro-Zombies M4 - Invaders from Cyberspace.
...what is with the M, by the way? I didn't ask that last time, but why is it "M4" and not just "4?" Just one more strange thing about this series, I guess.
So...let's start with one minor good note: Unlike Astro-Zombies M3, they do at least realize what part of the plot they should probably be focusing on this time. There are lots of scenes of Astro-Zombies attacking people in this movie.
There are in fact far too many of them.
The saying "be careful what you wish for" comes to mind.
There's just too much of it before we get to any real, actual plot...we get repeated, endlessly repeated shots of Astro-Zombies attacking random cities in various countries, all so people could use their vacation footage, I guess, and then footage of news reports about the attacks (some of which are handled decently, others of which are just awful - I particularly loved the one lady who was trying to act as a reporter reporting on a horrible disaster, but was all smiles the whole time, probably super-excited to finally get to show off her foreign language skills on film). Over. And over. And over.
But really, this is a good thing compared to the prior movie. A large portion of this film is people getting attacked by Astro-Zombies, and considering that the entire point of this sort of movie is to show people running from and/or being killed by the monster of the film until someone finds a way to survive, that's good. It is, in that way, anyway, an improvement over the prior film in the series, which focused the majority of its runtime on people squabbling over a nonsensical cloning project and only got around to having Astro-Zombies attack in the closing portion of the film, shortly before the Astro-Zombies themselves were wiped out with extreme ease.
But...the problem is that this film still doesn't get the other part of this story concept, which is to have a group of characters that we reliably follow through the attacks and can on some level root for - characters that will make us feel suspense as we worry over whether they will live or die.
We get flashes of it, mind: There's a couple who kind of start out looking like they'll be the ones we follow in constant danger throughout the film. The film really doesn't focus a whole heck of a lot on them, though, and after an initial attack or two, when it does focus on them they tend to not actually be in much danger. They do get attacked again near the end and end up finding how to stop the Astro-Zombies in the process, if I recall, but they just don't have a full plot.
Similarly, there's a bit of build to the possibility of the president's family being in danger, but...uh...nothing really seems to go anywhere with that. They even take away one of the kid's smartphones, and he just pulls out a spare (because...uh...don't you carry a spare smartphone at all times?) and nothing comes of that.
Instead, as Al noted, the film decides to focus on repeatedly starting plots with characters and then just killing them off and unceremoniously ending the plotline. He highlighted probably the best case already - a guy who steals critical technology from a research lab, uses it to contact the Astro-Zombies and try to ally with them, and just gets killed by them instead. We spend an inordinate amount of time on him for a plot that really doesn't end up relating to anything or mattering in any way whatsoever. No one goes looking for the tech he stole later, the Astro-Zombies don't seem to use it to accomplish anything, he doesn't cause any trouble for anyone, and no one else in the film cares that he's dead. It is an entirely pointless little side plot that looks like it should be at least moderately important, gets a lot of screen time, and then just ends without being of any consequence. We even have a further little side plot with his loser brother who is trying to become a music star...who dies like 30 seconds after the first guy dies.
To be very clear here, this isn't a case where the guy's introduced stealing something, works the rest of the film to try to accomplish his plan, receives a lot of character development, has interactions with other main characters where he is a threat to them, and is then undone by his own evil plot. That's what would happen in a good movie...or at least an acceptable one. No, in this film, he steals the stuff, goes home, argues with his brother, summons an Astro-Zombie, and gets killed off. There's no story break there and no point where he gets involved in anything else in the film. We just run straight through his little plot and find out it was meaningless.
Also his accent changes like four times over the course of his participation in the film.
That's the worst example in the film, probably, but this happens pretty frequently. Characters are introduced into the film for no purpose other than to die to Astro-Zombie attacks, but we spend more time on them than is necessary for that purpose. This would be fine if we were talking about following a few storylines through the film...say, 3 different sets of characters, each of whom had some run-ins with the Astro-Zombies and escaped a few times, only for some to finally be killed as their plots resolved and others to finally escape...but that's not what's happening here. What's happening here is that we keep being introduced to characters, following them slowly down the street or hearing about their life goals or otherwise spending a few boring minutes on them, and then they just get killed off unceremoniously and no one cares in the slightest.
At least this film doesn't waste quite as much time on any of them as M3 did with the plot about the author who thought the Astro-Zombie was his brother or whatever that was.
Oh, and that's not all! There are characters who don't die but still don't matter in the slightest! In particular, there's this remote viewing group that the military and/or research guys bring in midway through the film to find out more about the threat. They produce a drawing of an Astro-Zombie.
Which has already been clearly shown drawn on a whiteboard in the military briefing room in a prior scene.
In other words, the remote viewing group serves to tell the military guys precisely what they already know. We spend a pretty lengthy segment on this group, and even show them starting another job afterwards, like we're building to something else...and then absolutely nothing happens with them again. They are entirely, blatantly pointless.
Another thing...this is one of those films that is just terrible to watch if you've actually watched a prior film in a series. This film features the exact same general as the previous film, but he now seems entirely unaware of what Astro-Zombies are...despite the fact that he was in charge of cloning them in the prior film. I can only assume he's supposed to be a different character...that looks and dresses exactly the same. Or that Astro-Zombies M3 didn't happen, which...is probably a safe bet, actually, considering that nothing about its ending seems to apply to this film in the least.
...of course, the Astro-Zombies themselves, who can talk now by the way, reference some events from prior movies, so...uh...I guess some stuff happened and some didn't, and it's up to the viewer to guess?
Overall, the film is just really incoherent...and inconsistent. One moment Astro-Zombies are popping through computer screens, the next they're attacking by electrocuting you through your cell phone, the next they're being sent bodily through space...what exactly is their method? And once people figure out that cell phones are a danger, why does everyone keep using their cell phone? And when they do...why do Astro-Zombies just kind of stop attacking that way?
The film's conclusion is ridiculous, but it flirts with being the good kind of ridiculous, at least for bad movie fans. There is something honestly funny about seeing people moving around like they're in an epic gun battle in the streets, except that they're using mirrors against aliens with laser beam eyes. It doesn't make much sense, but I found some parts of it pretty amusing - people do all the things you'd expect to see in a gun fight, using cover, popping out for quick shots, all that sort of stuff, but they're holding little hand mirrors.
It just goes on too long, gets too repetitive, and features Astro-Zombies willfully aiming directly for the mirror - it's fine to have the lasers hit the mirrors when the person actually brings them up defensively just as the Astro-Zombie is firing, but when the person is clearly holding this tiny little hand mirror in place while the Astro-Zombie is taking aim, uh...wouldn't it just aim somewhere else? We're not talking about floor-to-ceiling mirrors here, these are little fist-sized hand mirrors. There's plenty of room to shoot something that's not defended.
Also, did the Astro-Zombies just forget how to use melee weapons? They spent the last movie attacking in extremely repetitive ways with machetes...I don't recall any of them using one as a backup weapon here. Seems like if your laser beam eyes turned out to not work you might at least try something else, right?
I know it sounds like I'm asking a lot of a movie named Astro-Zombies M4, but this is pretty basic stuff. When you're putting together a fight scene or chase scene or what-have-you, these are things you have to consider. You can't just film the same exact thing over and over and over - characters will have different strategies that alter over the course of an action scene. If one thing doesn't work, they'll stop trying it and try something else.
That's both appropriate realistic strategy and a method to ensure that the viewer doesn't get bored out of his dang mind by watching your film.
I'm torn on whether Astro-Zombies M4 is better than Astro-Zombies M3. It has more action, which tells me that the people making this mess at least better understood the whole point of their movie...but it's also less organized and more prone to just introducing plots that go absolutely nowhere. I think in the end I have to say it is a slight improvement, but...very slight. It is better than M3, but still not a watchable film.
So...let's start with one minor good note: Unlike Astro-Zombies M3, they do at least realize what part of the plot they should probably be focusing on this time. There are lots of scenes of Astro-Zombies attacking people in this movie.
There are in fact far too many of them.
The saying "be careful what you wish for" comes to mind.
 |
| Seen here in a bit cut from the Film. |
But really, this is a good thing compared to the prior movie. A large portion of this film is people getting attacked by Astro-Zombies, and considering that the entire point of this sort of movie is to show people running from and/or being killed by the monster of the film until someone finds a way to survive, that's good. It is, in that way, anyway, an improvement over the prior film in the series, which focused the majority of its runtime on people squabbling over a nonsensical cloning project and only got around to having Astro-Zombies attack in the closing portion of the film, shortly before the Astro-Zombies themselves were wiped out with extreme ease.
But...the problem is that this film still doesn't get the other part of this story concept, which is to have a group of characters that we reliably follow through the attacks and can on some level root for - characters that will make us feel suspense as we worry over whether they will live or die.
We get flashes of it, mind: There's a couple who kind of start out looking like they'll be the ones we follow in constant danger throughout the film. The film really doesn't focus a whole heck of a lot on them, though, and after an initial attack or two, when it does focus on them they tend to not actually be in much danger. They do get attacked again near the end and end up finding how to stop the Astro-Zombies in the process, if I recall, but they just don't have a full plot.
Similarly, there's a bit of build to the possibility of the president's family being in danger, but...uh...nothing really seems to go anywhere with that. They even take away one of the kid's smartphones, and he just pulls out a spare (because...uh...don't you carry a spare smartphone at all times?) and nothing comes of that.
Instead, as Al noted, the film decides to focus on repeatedly starting plots with characters and then just killing them off and unceremoniously ending the plotline. He highlighted probably the best case already - a guy who steals critical technology from a research lab, uses it to contact the Astro-Zombies and try to ally with them, and just gets killed by them instead. We spend an inordinate amount of time on him for a plot that really doesn't end up relating to anything or mattering in any way whatsoever. No one goes looking for the tech he stole later, the Astro-Zombies don't seem to use it to accomplish anything, he doesn't cause any trouble for anyone, and no one else in the film cares that he's dead. It is an entirely pointless little side plot that looks like it should be at least moderately important, gets a lot of screen time, and then just ends without being of any consequence. We even have a further little side plot with his loser brother who is trying to become a music star...who dies like 30 seconds after the first guy dies.
To be very clear here, this isn't a case where the guy's introduced stealing something, works the rest of the film to try to accomplish his plan, receives a lot of character development, has interactions with other main characters where he is a threat to them, and is then undone by his own evil plot. That's what would happen in a good movie...or at least an acceptable one. No, in this film, he steals the stuff, goes home, argues with his brother, summons an Astro-Zombie, and gets killed off. There's no story break there and no point where he gets involved in anything else in the film. We just run straight through his little plot and find out it was meaningless.
Also his accent changes like four times over the course of his participation in the film.
That's the worst example in the film, probably, but this happens pretty frequently. Characters are introduced into the film for no purpose other than to die to Astro-Zombie attacks, but we spend more time on them than is necessary for that purpose. This would be fine if we were talking about following a few storylines through the film...say, 3 different sets of characters, each of whom had some run-ins with the Astro-Zombies and escaped a few times, only for some to finally be killed as their plots resolved and others to finally escape...but that's not what's happening here. What's happening here is that we keep being introduced to characters, following them slowly down the street or hearing about their life goals or otherwise spending a few boring minutes on them, and then they just get killed off unceremoniously and no one cares in the slightest.
At least this film doesn't waste quite as much time on any of them as M3 did with the plot about the author who thought the Astro-Zombie was his brother or whatever that was.
Oh, and that's not all! There are characters who don't die but still don't matter in the slightest! In particular, there's this remote viewing group that the military and/or research guys bring in midway through the film to find out more about the threat. They produce a drawing of an Astro-Zombie.
Which has already been clearly shown drawn on a whiteboard in the military briefing room in a prior scene.
In other words, the remote viewing group serves to tell the military guys precisely what they already know. We spend a pretty lengthy segment on this group, and even show them starting another job afterwards, like we're building to something else...and then absolutely nothing happens with them again. They are entirely, blatantly pointless.
Another thing...this is one of those films that is just terrible to watch if you've actually watched a prior film in a series. This film features the exact same general as the previous film, but he now seems entirely unaware of what Astro-Zombies are...despite the fact that he was in charge of cloning them in the prior film. I can only assume he's supposed to be a different character...that looks and dresses exactly the same. Or that Astro-Zombies M3 didn't happen, which...is probably a safe bet, actually, considering that nothing about its ending seems to apply to this film in the least.
...of course, the Astro-Zombies themselves, who can talk now by the way, reference some events from prior movies, so...uh...I guess some stuff happened and some didn't, and it's up to the viewer to guess?
 |
| How did Ted V. Mikels forget how to make Films?!? |
The film's conclusion is ridiculous, but it flirts with being the good kind of ridiculous, at least for bad movie fans. There is something honestly funny about seeing people moving around like they're in an epic gun battle in the streets, except that they're using mirrors against aliens with laser beam eyes. It doesn't make much sense, but I found some parts of it pretty amusing - people do all the things you'd expect to see in a gun fight, using cover, popping out for quick shots, all that sort of stuff, but they're holding little hand mirrors.
It just goes on too long, gets too repetitive, and features Astro-Zombies willfully aiming directly for the mirror - it's fine to have the lasers hit the mirrors when the person actually brings them up defensively just as the Astro-Zombie is firing, but when the person is clearly holding this tiny little hand mirror in place while the Astro-Zombie is taking aim, uh...wouldn't it just aim somewhere else? We're not talking about floor-to-ceiling mirrors here, these are little fist-sized hand mirrors. There's plenty of room to shoot something that's not defended.
Also, did the Astro-Zombies just forget how to use melee weapons? They spent the last movie attacking in extremely repetitive ways with machetes...I don't recall any of them using one as a backup weapon here. Seems like if your laser beam eyes turned out to not work you might at least try something else, right?
I know it sounds like I'm asking a lot of a movie named Astro-Zombies M4, but this is pretty basic stuff. When you're putting together a fight scene or chase scene or what-have-you, these are things you have to consider. You can't just film the same exact thing over and over and over - characters will have different strategies that alter over the course of an action scene. If one thing doesn't work, they'll stop trying it and try something else.
That's both appropriate realistic strategy and a method to ensure that the viewer doesn't get bored out of his dang mind by watching your film.
 |
| Why the hell was I in this Film? |
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