Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Rare Flix: Ghoulies III- Ghoulies Go To College

I'm like the Indiana Jones of bullshit films!  Today's film is Ghoulies III, a film I was almost sure that I'd never get to see.  I know- big loss, right?  I just had to complete the series though- dammit!  I'd gotten to the point where I asked Maynard where to find it online.  As it turns out, all of the Versions he could find were Dubbed in German.  Yes, it was proving to be impossible to find a John Carl Buechler film in English!  While seeking different crap at a MovieStop (aren't I always?), I found the creatively-titled Horror Collection 8-Pack.  It has some good stuff- Waxwork-, some bad stuff- 976 Evil II-, some amusing stuff- Class of 1999 and Chopping Mall- and some rare stuff- Slaughter High and a mystery film.  It also has some film called The Unholy that I have never heard of in my life.  Keep an eye out for that, unless it's just boring.  It's a non-Asylum film with Ben Cross, so it may turn out well.  What didn't turn out well is Ghoulies III.  Granted- I had low hopes for it.  That said, it's stupid as all get up and doesn't even begin to set up the fourth film.  I kind of assumed that this film would set them up being turned into midgets in masks.  Alas, it does not, proving that Jim Wynorski was just being a cheap, lazy Director.  Big shock.  This film is basically what would happen if you threw the Ghoulies into Animal House, only you excised all of the interesting characters and replaced them with 'That Guy Who Was In Caddyshack, But Nobody Remembers His Name...So We Call Him That Guy Who Was in Caddyshack.'  Seriously, do you know his name?  No cheating!  So yeah, this is going to be dumb.  To see if you should try as hard as I did to find this film, read on...
The Ghoulies spend nearly 20 minutes of the film trying to get released.  Apparently it's a joke that they keep getting stuck in the magical toilet that they came from.

Seriously, it's the THIRD film, so you can skip on the build-up.
At the College, it is Prank Week.  Why they don't just get rid of the Students that do this on a yearly basis is anyone's guess. Oh and that's Kane Hodder.  Weird.
The late Kevin McCarthy plays Dean Vernon...I mean, a different guy who's a Teacher (that's different) who is annoyed at the pranks.  Since he's the best part of this movie, he naturally plays second fiddle to just about every character.  Sigh.

He gets a hold of the magic comic book that controls the Ghoulies, which gives the film a loose pretense to have him show up every four to five scenes.
The narrative is split between our dull as dishwater hero and the Ghoulies.  They're pretty much just cheaper hand puppets than in Ghoulies II, but not as cheap as in Ghoulies.  Yea?
Stupid comedy ahoy.  That makes up most of the film, really.

Well that and scenes involving our hero fighting with our heroine, the pair hooking back up and then arguing for no good reason.  It's lazy and repetitive.  It's also lazy and repetitive.
Oh and the Ghoulies are perverts.  On the plus side, they don't imply that they have sex with a lady like they would do in Ghoulies IV.

Seriously, that happens.  Ew.
Rather than waste any time on the plot, here's a look at some of the odd, incidental casting here.  In the green hat, you have Jason Scott Lee and that guy with the bowl cut is Shaggy aka Matthew Lillard.

That's weird, right?  'Bruce Lee' and 'Shaggy' as College Nerds.
With less than 20 minutes remaining, our heroes are finally aware of the Ghoulies existing.  No, really.

It all boils down to McCarthy doing some weird ritual to get magic powers or something.  We already had a lady get wrapped up in her own tongue and die, so I don't question anything at this point.
In the film's only neat moment, McCarthy becomes...this thing.  I'm not sure how or why, but good.

Naturally, this all just ends in an anti-climax.  How this sets up Ghoulies IV is still beyond me.  The End.
Laugh, damn you, laugh!  This film really succeeds or fails based on whether you find it funny.  I know that's kind of an obvious statement, but it bears mentioning.  Other than some tits and some decent puppeteering moments, that's all it has going for it.  It didn't exactly make me laugh all that much.  The film is just so uninspired and...I'm not surprised.  The Ghoulies series has never done much but be a Gremlins rip-off.  It's not the worst series to do this, but it is a lot more prolific.  Did this really need four films?  No, no we didn't.  The film has some decent moments, but is mostly just crap.  It also commits the cardinal sin of reminding you of films that you could be watching instead...
Next up, another Anthony Hickox film.  It's got Vampires, little kids and shoot-outs...apparently.  Stay tuned...

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