In Your Face!: My Bloody Valentine 3-D

For once, I am going to do a film that was actually recent. I decided to take a break from films made before my birth or before any of my readers' possible births. This film is part of the recent rash of 3-D films that started in a minor way back in 2006. When will a horror film enter the fray? How about now...

My Bloody Valentine 3-D

Remaking one of the earliest slasher films in America is a given. More notable, however, is that the original film was an import from Canada. In a way, it did not get enough credit for doing so well. Will a remake change that?

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The film begins with a newspaper montage of the mining disaster. It eventually reveals that one man survived and seemingly killed all of his friends with a pick-axe. The police are waiting for him to wake up from his coma...which he does when they leave the room. They return to the hospital later and find close to a dozen people slaughtered. I guess just coming out of a coma doesn't slow you down. He rushes to the mine shaft, which is naturally hosting a drinking/sex party. Well, this feels like an 80s film so far.

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We meet a pair of couples (one cute and one bitchy) at the mine. One-by-one, people are being killed by the miner. We get some tasty deaths like a half-decapitation (upper half only) and the classic eye punch-out. They actually use a little 3-D here. The cute couple's girl and the male half of the bitchy one escape, leaving the nice guy in with the killer. He survives 1,000,000x longer than anyone else so far, but is finally trapped. That is when the two cops show up and shoot the killer full of holes. Let's time-jump now!

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10 years later, our enigmatic hero returns to town to sell his father's mine. The pairing who escaped the mine are now married and have a kid. The sheriff and the other codgers of the town are not happy about the mine situation. Oh yeah, the miner killer returns as well, making a philandering couple his first victims, as well as a midget. No, really. Naturally, the guy who was gone while the killings stopped and came back when the killings started again is the top suspect. Meanwhile, angst abounds.

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The film goes as follows: plot, angst, plot, killing, plot, angst, plot, killing. The movie lingers on the story involving the wife's feelings for the hero, her issues with her marriage and the idea that she is working with her husband's secret lover. Thankfully, we get some good 3-D enhanced killings between all the padding. If you can get past all of this, you get an interesting mystery tale and some brutal murders. Aside from the usual issue of 'serial heavies walking as running,' it is pretty logical. No teleporting Jason here.

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I won't spoil the ending for you since the film is so new. I will say this: the DVD promotion of the alternate ending is bullshit. It is the same ending, just with about ten seconds of new footage. It's not quite as bad as the 'alternate opening' promotion for Incredible Hulk though.

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Honestly, the movie is pretty good. The feeling of mystery in a slasher film reminds me a bit of a giallo film, which is a good thing. It lingers a bit too long in dramatic dialog for my tastes at times though. Any film where a midget is killed with a pick axe while a naked woman hides under a mattress is worth a rental in my book. It is a bit too 'ehh' at times, but is enjoyable as a whole.

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Let's hop back to the 80s for the first 3-D haunted house film. Stay tuned...