Friday, June 12, 2009

House Party: Amityville Dollhouse

While this is not the last film (counting the remake and any likely direct-to-video sequels), it is the last of the original series. Quite frankly, do you think I want to wade my way through all the crap they put out with that name on it? Okay, probably, but not right now. Let's just dive right into the last film of the series entitled...

Before I begin, I feel the need to once again address the stupid way that they extended this Series. You are no longer in the House anymore, but every random object from it can affect you! First, why are there so many?  The place was blown up!  Secondly, why would people keep buying them? Ahhhh, that feels better. On to the crap film.
The film begins by introducing us to another family. This one is a bit different though, since it a split family. Unlike the Brady Bunch, however, this one is not a happy one. The dad has a young daughter and an older, jock son, while the wife has a science geek. Ha ha ha- he knows stuff. The kids don't get along, while the parents just want to have sex. This will be another pleasant family experience, huh?
Our first source of tribulation involves the young girl's birthday and the subsequent party. A prank is set up by the older boy involving a fake spider. The kid- who looks slightly more normal than the one from Burial Ground- freaks out and hits the older boy. But wait, this is a horror film. Where is the horror? That comes in the form of the titular dollhouse. In a 'wacky twist of fate,' the dad accidentally runs over the bike he was going to give the girl. To cover, he gives her a mysterious dollhouse that simply appeared in the garage. There is trusting and then there is 'idiot in a horror film.' Guess which one this is.
As usual, crazy shit starts to happen. The young kid's rat turns giant (only shown by partial model) and tries to eat the girl. The mother starts to have weird fantasies about the older boy (not her kid) that are reminiscent of that old Diet Coke commercial. In addition to all of that, the dead dad/former-spouse of the wife shows up as a zombie and talks to the younger kid. At first, this is a really good make-up job. Then, after a minute, you realize that the teeth never move. He just sort of bobs his head to talk like the apes in Planet of the Apes.
In addition to all of the family strife/scares, we also get a subplot with an older hippie couple. They try to save the day with their use of 'natural medicine.' Yes, we get the dumb people with crystals and beads from Omen IV, just with actual abilities. The whole thing builds up to a crescendo where the youngest kid gets tossed in the fireplace...and ends up in the Amityville dimension...or something. Dad and hippie guy go in, only to be confronted with demons right out of Jim Henson's The Storyteller. Hippie dad dies, other people escape and the house burns down. This makes it the second time in only three Amityville movies I've seen in which they destroy the house in some way. Creative!
This Movie is bad, but better than It's About Time.  I don't really know how much I can recommend this one.  It has its 'so weird that they are funny' moments, but it is just as obsessed with family bickering as the latter film. Who thinks that is so damn interesting?!?  The whole conceit is ridiculous: a Dollhouse made in the image of the House is also evil.  No, really.  Just think about that for five seconds.  Does you head hurt?  It should!  It is a mix of silly and mundane.  A very forgiving horror fan can pick out the parts they like, I suppose.  If you are an Amityville completist, you have already seen worse.  At least this is kind of cool (in small doses).

What's better than a good movie? The same movie...only worse. Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. I didnt think About Time was as terrible as it should have been, so in all my terrible movie watching glory I may have to see this one..