Alien(s) Ant Farm: Xtro II

Let me address your first question right away. This is not classified under 'WTF Britain?!?' because it is a Canadian production. Basically, the breakdown is this: the director somehow retained the title rights, but not the story rights. 80s lawyers were quirky, I guess. So, he sold the idea of making another movie to a Canadian production company. So if you were looking for a real sequel to Xtro, you are...well, you are a weirdo. This is...

Xtro II: The Second Encounter

An important thing to note about this movie from the start is that it is really trying to be the iconic film Aliens. This was a common trend in the late 80s and, let's face it, it has never ended. It was just more blatant back then. This is something that I will cover in-depth at a later date.

*

The film begins with a really long helicopter shot throughout the credits and ends up at a secret military base. Despite them having as many pipes as Space Mutiny, this is not in the future. A bunch of scientists are working on inter-dimensional travel. They are doing a new test today to coincide with the Secretary of Defense paying a visit. The experiment goes horribly wrong as the inter-dimensional astronauts are seemingly lost. This immediately brings us to the biggest plot hole of the movie.

*

They establish early-on that this is the second time that this experiment has been done. The first time was in Texas and ended with one astronaut survivor and a blown-up base. So, of course, they do this again. Of course! I know governments can be stupid, but this is ridiculous. I suspect that there is a deeper reason for this though. By establishing that this is the second attempt, they are implying that this is a real sequel...albeit to a film that doesn't exist. It's real predecessor is about an alien kid killing people with a mutant clown. If only...

*

One survivor comes back just in time for the other lone survivor (from the last experiment) to be sent in to help. Unfortunately, his acting is just really, really bad. Jan Michael Vincent's performance is more wooden than Pinnochio's dick. Oh and he's our lead. Kill me now, alien!

*

The plot boils down to this: running around, shooting at nothing and death. Everything else is just window dressing. One really funny part is when they bust out the giant robot-arm gun from Aliens. Make your copying less subtle, movie! Ironically, that guy dies first. That and the woman who suffers the alien bursting out of her chest, only to later be found as a burnt-out husk are the standouts. Plus, you get a plan that involves one soldier (Krychek from The X-Files) and the frail scientist (really) hand-climbing up elevator cables to blast an exit. Shockingly, they both die. That alien refuses to go down.

*

In defense of the movie, the alien looks menacing at times. He also looks amazingly similar to the giant fly monster from The Fly II. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? If you like the 80s model of giant monster that barely moves (see the Cyclops alien from Contamination), then it is a good thing. If you like good effects, it is not. At least he gets blown apart and everyone lives happily ever after. Or do they? The last shot is the possessed/evil computer saying something scary. Wait...what?!? The End.

*

This movie sucks... but in a very funny way. The alien is silly and oddly indestructible, even when it is shown as a flaming corpse. The acting and effects are, well, bad. They are at a good level of silly that you can laugh at them without crying...at least, not much. The film really tries to be Aliens, but ends up more like Alien Contamination. 80s VHS title release jokes never get old!

*

What goes better than porn with killer plants? Actually, most things do. Too late for this movie. Stay tuned...