House Party: Amityville 1992

Counting the remake, there are 9 Amityville films, five of which do not even feature people being in the actual house. Why so many? Scholars will ask this question for eons and, perhaps, may solve it one day. The odds are that we will solve such questions as "Why does God kill puppies?" and "Why did they make Halloween III?" will be answered first. Until that time, let us delve into the film that is...

Amityville 1992: It's About Time

One thing to note is that the DVD tries to cover up the anachronistic nature of its title. In the 'definitely note edited' title sequence, it reads like this....
Amityville ___

It's About Time

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Anyhow, the film sets up its really odd plot in quick order. A man is moving into a new suburban residence with his two kids. His female assistant is helping him out, but the situation is not all that happy. Simply put: the guy is a complete jerk. The lady wants to leave, but something puts a stop to that...

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Dog Attack! A seemingly-nice dog chases down our lead and gnaws at his leg like it is made out of Snausages. In the film's first real gore scene, he knocks the dog's eye out in the process of defending himself. When the family tries to confront the dog's owner, the animal is completely fine. Whaaaaat?!?

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The film gets really hard to follow at this point. It is basically made up of weird hallucinations and 'scares.' The problem is that every one of these scenes end with the character being in a normal room again with no sign of the weirdness. So...did it happen or not? The film's non-committal nature when it comes to the gore and such is unsettling. Should I be scared or annoyed? Make up your damn mind!

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I have managed to go this far without mentioning that the whole film is a giant pun. You see, the craziness is related to an antique clock that came from the Amittyville house. Yeah, that's really how they kept the film going. The previous film was a mirror...apparently not realizing that emulating The Boogeyman is not a good idea. I just thought that you should know.

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I am going to spoil the ending for you...if anyone really cares.

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After numerous weird things, including the famous death by truck ornament, the girl molesting herself (don't ask) and the guy sunk into the black ooze from Star Trek: The Next Generation, everything resets. Yeah, you read that right. The family, having memories of what happened, quickly smashes the clock before it is put in. A happy ending? Well, it is for me. The damn thing is over!

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When you leave a horror film confused and annoyed, it is not a good thing. This is like Izo, only without a scene of Mother Earth being raped. You can do much, much better than this movie. On top of that, it is does not have any major funny scenes to laugh at. It just hurts. Let's move on.

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There is one final film in the original series. Let's hope it's somewhat better. Stay tuned...