This is just painful. I don't what else to say. Okay, that's a lie. I have a whole thing planned on the film, but I thought this would sound better. I should just be honest with you guys. Let's just jump to my review of...
To begin with, the title is sort of a lie. The lady villain is actually the grand-daughter of the famous scientist. When they cannot nail down the title without problems, what hope is there for the rest of it? Find out.
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The film begins with the title villain and her old henchman working on an experiment. They are attempting to put a random guy's brain in a corpse. This consists of putting a ridiculous bike helmet on the guy and having sparks fly off of a bunch of machines. It fails...just like her attempt at maintaining an accent. This only gets worse.*
We cut to Jesse James serving as a sort of Don King figure to his big, burly pal. He manages the guy (played by a guy named Cal Bolder) to a victory in the classic game of shirtless boxing in the middle of the street. Tired of the small money, he arranges a stage coach robbery. Unfortunately, this coach pattern is as ill-conceived as the plot. They have a fake coach that fires a shot in the air when the coast is clear. What if there was a robbery and shots were fired? Shockingly, this stupid plain fails, but not before Cal is shot.
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Jesse and his big henchman ride away, seeking medical help and escape from the law. Despite a long journey, Cal seems just fine in, spite of a bullet to the gut. This is still not the most illogical part of the film though. The film cuts away to a poor Spanish family that is living in a village that is pretty empty. In fact, they appear to be the only one. Maybe it has something to do with the close proximity to a science lab. They leave, but the young lady heads back when she meets Jesse and his pal. Why? Wait and see.
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When she sees Cal's injury, she says that she knows a person who can help: Frankenstein's grand-daughter. Wait, what? She just fled the town and now goes back there! There is lazy writing and then there is this. So Cal is getting taken care of while Jesse attempts to romance the young woman. The age difference appears to be on par with Entrapment. So yeah, you know what is going to happen. Cal gets turned into the monster and kills the lackey when he has a change of heart. The girl tries to save the day when the monster turns on Jesse. She actually proves more useful than our hero, actually managing to kill the villain. Jesse rides off, apparently deciding to leave her alone in a village. The End.
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I barely survived this piece of crap. I did not even cover a lot of it, such as the random sub-plots involving a sheriff, the double-romantic entanglement plot and the side-plottings of the scientist's assistant. On top of that, the film is famous for its day-as-night shots, wherein a covering is put on the camera to simulate nighttime in mid-afternoon. One thing saves this movie: Joe Bob Briggs. As an underrated comedian, he makes the movie bearable and actually is legitimately informed. He has only done a handful of DVD commentary tracks, including his great one on Samurai Cop. Don't even try to watch the film without him!
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Let's take a trip over to Japan and see what America's favorite ape did. Stay tuned...
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