Sunday, May 31, 2009

Bi-Polar Cinema: Yo-Yo Girl Cop

I get the impression that it will seem like I am picking on Asia with this series. That is far from the truth. That is what 'WTF Japan' is for. They just seem to have this weird mind-set for it. Today's film does not sound like it belongs, but, oh does it indeed. It is...
This is billed as an action movie centered around an undercover lady cop who infiltrates a High School and uses a quirky weapon. Sounds fun, right? Sigh.
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The film begins with...a young person wandering the streets in a daze. People ignore her and try to go on with their lives. That proves to be a bad decision as a bomb was tied to her and she blows up in the center of Tokyo's famous square (basically Time's Square). Still having fun?
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This event leads the government to bring out a prisoner whom they think can help solve the crime. No, this is not 48 Hours. The prisoner is a young woman with a dark past who they keep in a big, open cage a la Hannibal Lecter. After some reluctance, she agrees and...puts on a Japanese school girl outfit. Right.
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She finds it hard to get in initially, but works her way to be friends with a sad young woman. Thanks, movie, we needed more. After a while, she finds out why. A friend of her's was constantly being bullied and snapped. She decided to commit suicide, although she only managed to be put in a persistent vegetative state. More fun! Our hero learns that something else came out of this incident: the formation of a terrorist cell. That's right- a terrorist cell of Japanese 'teenagers' (most of them appearing to be at least 22) in a High School. As far as the movies I watch go, this seems logical.
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Over forty-five minutes in, we finally get some real action and it is...actually pretty good. First, you get the hero's change into her battle uniform. She fights one of the ring leaders, who has similar taste, in an area surrounded by lots and lots of metal pipes. Will that play a factor? This gives the first major use of the titular weapon. It is a badge that doubles as a battle yo-yo. I wonder if mine does that? After defeating the woman, she battles the real villain and his group of armed thugs, one of whom is played by Versus' Tak Sakaguchi. Why? Who the hell knows?!?
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It turns out that the whole thing is a red herring to commit a robbery. Wait, what?!? Anyhow, this fails as well and the villain is blown up. The day is saved...although hundreds of people have still died from that first major attack.
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I really wanted to love this movie. My friends can attest as to just how much I tried to pressure them into renting it as a group. In a way, I'm really glad that they turned me down so many times. After enduring stuff like Moon Child and Feeders 2, I am glad that I did not force them to watch another misleading movie. Of course, we later ended up watching The Human Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy, so I only delayed 'judgment day' it seems. Ah well.
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Let's switch back to America and their love of dogs. This one is not so nice. Stay tuned...

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