At last, I have the complete Story. This is totally a Sequel. This is Spiders 3-D, a 2013 Film that is about, well, you know. Granted- there is a Film called Bug that is about people on Meth AND there is a Film called Spider that is actually a Psychological Thriller with Ralph Fiennes. There's also a Film called Star Chamber, which is actually a Legal Thriller, so why not?!? So yeah, this is the last Film about Giant Spiders for a while. Once you pop, you just can't stop! This time, Boaz Davidson is back again and we have Tibor Takacs, whose Films I haven't covered since 2012. As a refresher, he's done a ton of these Syfy Channel Films like Killer Rats, Mega Snake and Ice Spiders. There's also a shared Lead from that last Film- the poor dude can't escape Spiders! If you like better Films, he did also did both of The Gate Films too. Do we have anything else besides Giant Spiders? Nope. To find out what we've got, read on...
A Satellite crashes into New York City and nobody seems to notice.
I couldn't find a shot of it, but this random Google Image is better than what the Film has.
It crashes into the Subway and it is here we get the first big problem of the Film.
In short, they have one Backlot Set to use. They ALWAYS go back to the same Block.
I guess the money was all spent on CGI and Radios.
Investigating the incident, one of the Workers is attacked by a CGI Spider and killed.
This leads the Government to block the area, which, yes, is just this one Block.
I guess just take another Train. Also take one that is not located in Bulgaria, where this Film was shot.
Under the City, Government Agents monitor the various-sized Spiders. They want/need a Queen to be born because something something webbing as armor.
Again- there's 'Science' in this so silly that it needs like six more quotation marks. So, in other words, '''''''Science!'''''''
To ground the Film (pause for laughter), our Hero and Heroine are a divorcing Couple who have to rescue their Daughter- stuck in the Quarantine/Lockdown- and her friend.
Oops- just the Daughter now!
The Spiders finally get out and start killing people.
Confusingly, the Soldiers are sent to catch them and not kill them...which is why they shoot at them.
Mind you, the guns do nothing, so...good call?
Can he rescue his Wife- who is good at running away from things- and Daughter?
Or will the Queen of all Giant Spiders- who clearly wants to be the Cloverfield Monster- end them all?
To find out, watch the Film. It is new enough to avoid SPOILERS, but it is also really predictable.
A pretty silly Film that gets mired a bit in weird Plot Points. So we have Giant Spiders- check. We have a Government Experiment- alright. Now we have evil Russians operating in NYC- um...okay. They want Giant Spiders to make webbing for armor (or something)- huh?!? The whole 'conspiracy' angle really doesn't add all that much. Why not just have Giant Spiders get loose? Do we need all of the attempts at social commentary that don't really work in a Film called
Spiders 3-D? No. Seriously, I'd almost take all of the stalling in
Spiders 2 over this- almost. If you can get past all that nonsense, the actual CGI and Action is pretty good. As I mentioned, there's Budget discrepancies here. The CGI Spiders honestly look pretty good in small doses. It is just a shame that everything else looks so cheap here. Imagine a terrible, low-budget Film like
Suburban Sasquatch, for instance. Now imagine if someone spent $7 million to make *just the Sasquatch* look realistic. It's still cheap as hell and awful, but it now has a 'photo-realistic' Sasquatch. Is it good? No. As a B-Movie that tries to be more, I can respect the Film to a point. As it is,
Spiders 3-D (which I watched in 2-D, to be clear) is kind of fun, but never truly feels good or cohesive. Just don't tell that to whoever was mocking up the DVD Promo Art- he's in it to win it!
Next up, I cover a different kind of Giant Animal- Electric Eels. Find out how you can make a Film about them with faulty Science and confusing tonal shifts. Stay tuned...
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