'90s Trash: Skyscraper (1996)

No Rock to be seen anywhere!  This is Skyscraper, the 1996 rip-off of Die Hard (as opposed to the 2018 rip-off of Die Hard).  In the new Film, Rock has a fake body part that defines his Character.  That's basically the same thing here, it just isn't the leg!  This is Anna Nicole Smith's finest hour!  She's not only a Star (with Above Title Billing), but she's also an Associate Producer.  It is still for *this* Movie, but its something.  The Story is, well, a barely-changed version of Die Hard.  It's almost a Funhouse Mirror version of it, as all of the stuff is there, but doesn't quite look the same.  Bad guys still take over a building and a lone Hero(ine) must stop them.  I'll go in to the differences in the actual review, but there's no mistaking the influence.  It's probably a dumb question to ask, but, is this good?  To find out, read on...

ANS is playing a Helicopter Pilot- contain your laughter- in Los Angeles who shuttles rich folks around.  What a nice, 'everyman' job to have.

Some bad guys are after some MacGuffin (does it really matter?) and violence ensues.

I don't say this enough, but DAMN, Stunt People have dangerous jobs.  Look how close that explosion is!

Immediately following that, ANS goes home and takes a shower.  Why else was she hired?

The Cop role is taken by her Boyfriend Character, who knows he's close to something big, but the henchman won't talk.

They make you think its not Die Hard by only getting into the titular Building about 40 minutes in.

There you go.

Oh and it is during the day, so that's...not a huge difference really.

After inadvertently helping the villain get the stuff he needs, ANS is finally in peril and somehow manages to slide down the building and swing into it using a metal coil.

It sure is a good thing that she took that Urban Base Climbing Course, I guess.

We do get a flashback to show her boyfriend teaching her how to use a gun.

And yes, this flashback does also include the second of three Softcore Sex Scenes.  It was important that she remembered all of that- clearly!

Seriously though, they hit Die Hard nearly beat-for-beat in the second half, including the long, blond-haired and foreign villain being killed by a cowardly cop (a Security Guard here) & the guy who betrays our Hero(ine) only to be killed by the bad guy.

After lots of silly fighting and about three deaths via falling, the main Villain falls to his death...and somehow isn't turned into paste from a 70-story fall!  The End.

Bad, but inoffensive stuff.  Well, there is the part where ANS gets raped, so...mostly-inoffensive stuff.  She obviously kills the guy, but it is still a weird way to insert the third and final bit of sex here.  Speaking of which, ANS does little to dissuade from the idea that she was only cast for certain reasons.  She tries in this one, but her emotional range is about as big as Donald Trump's hands.  It really boils down to happy, mildly-concerned and trying to sound angry.  It's not for lack of trying, just talent.  In her defense, she's not exactly surrounded by the best of the best.  Nobody is *that* good in this Film, so maybe we can chalk some issues up to direction.  The whole thing always kind of looks cheap.  On the plus side, that does give you some gritty-looking explosions and stunt work that you wouldn't get now with CGI.  There are far better showcases for this kind of thing, of course.  Skyscraper is not a good Film.  It can be somewhat enjoyable if you are a fan of '90s Action Films and cheese though.  The continuity, naturally, is a bit off...

Next time, I attempt to get things back on track.  That just means more trashy Movies, most likely.  Stay tuned...