(Once) Rare Flix: All The Boys Love Mandy Lane

Is the story behind a film more interesting than the film itself?  Today's movie is All The Boys Love Mandy Lane, a film who's existence has taunted people like me for years.  The film was made to be released in 2006, but only recently came out on DVD.  Confused?  Well, here's the short version.  The Producers turned down a deal from Miramax and went with someone else.  That company went bankrupt and the film rights were left in limbo for a long time.  Who's to thank for this film seeing the light?  Johnny Depp.  He had nothing to do with the film then and he still doesn't.  However, the film stars Amber Heard, who he's now dating- something that instantly raises her profile.  You have a movie starring 'Jack Sparrow's' girlfriend- a Studio wants to release it!  Thanks to Anchor Bay, this urban legend of a film is now available to watch.  Was it worth the wait?  For me, not so much.  It's...not a bad movie, really.  I just really found myself not caring about these Characters and what happened to them.  There is a fine line in Slasher Films, after all.  You want real characters so that their deaths have meaning to a less cynical audience.  At the same time, you want broad, silly characters that can have funny deaths for the cynical 'gore-hounds' out there.  Am I just hating on the movie or is there something to it?  To find out (with only relative SPOILERS), read on...

This is Mandy Lane.  She's apparently the epitome of the 'unattainable High School hottie.'  In true cliche fashion, she has one friend: a dorky, loner who pines for her.  Let's just call him Not Ducky.

Not Ducky convinces a Jock to do the 'I'm a Golden God' trick, which apparently ends in him hitting the pavement and being hurt and/or killed.  Time jump!

Some vague time later (did I miss a Time Card?), the big focus is on a weekend retreat and the main characters trying to get Mandy Lane to go.

After establishing that they are all terrible people, she says 'yes.'  Alert the media!

After a shit-ton of filler (more than a Hamburger in a Dive Bar!), we finally see a person (not the black guy- shocking!) get attacked and killed.  It was nice of them to sexualize the whole thing and to kill off the second-least-terrible person here too.

They make sure to tell the lone 'adult' to not call the Police, since the kid is not supposed to be partying at the Ranch.  Is this a bigger plot point?

No.  No, it is not.

While this bit is part of a bigger 'Ooh, scary' moment, I choose to use it to sum up my feelings on the film so far...

For the last half hour or so, we get some action as the killer reveals himself/herself and starts to finally do something.  Hurray!

Naturally, someone ends up in a pit full of bones and animal parts.  It wouldn't be a real Horror Film without that cliche.

I won't SPOIL this Ending for you, since the film is new release/old.  I will say that a Horror Sequel (made years later) steals its thunder a bit though.  Enjoy this vague shot.  The End.

Seriously, don't make us wait so long.  If this film was really released when it was made, it might have stood out more.  While I loathe Miramax for some of its business strategies- like buying those Oscars-, they certainly have good distribution.  Unfortunately, you can't undo past mistakes, so we're just now getting this film.  It is nothing special.  There- I said it.  The worst thing I can say here is that I was just apathetic towards the whole thing.  There are no major issues with how it was shot, Edited or Scored.  The whole thing is just 'meh' for me.  You could argue that many films would have suffered if they had sat on a shelf for 7 years.  Would Ginger Snaps have been as big a deal in 2007?  Would Maniac (the original) been as shocking in 1988?  Would Dude, Where's My Car? have been as epic if it didn't come out until 2007?  Okay, that last one kind of fades out.  The point remains the same.  I'm glad that All The Boys Love Mandy Lane is more than just a film in my Save Queue.  As far as the film itself, I was not impressed.  It makes me wonder how I'm going to feel about movies like Evil: In the Time of Heroes or Embodiment of Evil when they get imported to America sometime in the next Decade.  I'll leave you with this shot of the one scene that every High School-Based Slasher Film must have (although they aren't naked)...

Next up, the Canadians give us something crazy to watch.  That's right- Manborg!  Stay tuned...