Quick Reviews: Dead Rising- Watchtower

Are all Video Games destined to be bad or at least underwhelming?  Well, I didn't even hear about this one until last Week, so let's see...

In a Cold Open, we see our Hero (Jesse Metcalfe) under siege by Zombies.  What happened?!?

A few days earlier, he was inside a City under siege due to a Zombie Outbreak.  Chaos will ensue...

During all of this, previous Hero Frank West- played by Rob Riggle- is at the News Desk.

While he was the lead in the first Game and brought back by popular demand in a spin-off of the Sequel, he does pretty much nothing here.  Yea?

Alongside a mysterious woman and a sad Mom (Virginia Madsen), he hopes to make it out alive!

In his way, Mr. Z, a Gang Leader who has stepped up in the last year that the City has been in lockdown.

Oh and about 53,954 Zombies!

On top of that, there is a secret to why the Zombie Outbreak got so bad over the last few days.  What is it?

Obviously, I ain't saying a thing.  No SPOILERS, n00b!  The End.

Some good Action and Story, but nothing great.  The good part: a surprisingly-deep Story and some good Zombie killing.  Considering that the Games are all about Zombie killing, they sure as hell better have plenty of the latter!  I will say that you don't get the big pay-off in the form of the unique combination weapons until quite a ways in.  I guess it is just for dramatic effect, but it is a tad disappointing.  The B-Plot of the Film is kind of interesting and balances out pretty well with the main one.  Honestly, if the main one didn't have all the Zombie action, this one would be better!  Metcalfe and company do a decent job, but don't impress all that much.  Speaking of which, this Film was Directed by the man behind Tasmanian Devils and Leprechaun: Origins, so it isn't exactly mind-blowing.  There's also my Pet Peeve- CGI Blood.  Yes, it is around alot, but I still don't like it.  Ultimately, the Film is good, but not great.  Considering how low my bar was, this is actually a big achievement!  If you like the Games, you may want to give it a look and decide for yourself...

Nothing all that great, but a decent enough Plot and some fun moments.  Could be better and worse.

TV on the Internet: Ash vs. Evil Dead- 'Bait'

After a few days, I might as well move on to the next Episode of Ash vs Evil Dead...

In the aftermath of the attack on Ash's Trailer, there is certainly some explaining to do!

When one of them runs off with the Necronomicon, a driving they must go!

Meanwhile, the B-Plot continues as this Detective is just behind our heroes.  Keep waiting for this Story to sync up!

Ash and his friend go to check on our Heroine's Mother, who is seemingly back from the dead.  Cue awkward Dinner Party...

Naturally, I won't SPOIL what happens.  I'm not that much of a dick.  Don't worry, Ash!

A solid follow-up.  Now that all the crazy has been set-up, we get to a slight reprieve.  Nah- just kidding.  You get a few good Deadite kills here, lots of blood and Tom Cruise's ex-wife.  The Plot moves forward a little bit, which is good.  I'm still waiting for the B-Plot to catch up with the A-Plot, but I'm sure that it is coming.  Who is Lucy Lawless' Character exactly and will she be a help or a hindrance?  The Show has the challenge of making everyone else as interesting to us as Ash is.  I hope that they are up to the challenge.  At this point, all of the Supporting Cast is just being built up, so time will have to tell on that one.  There's still plenty of time for good Character Moments in this one alongside the splatter, so it is a win-win.  It remains to be seen now if I will get to see more of this face...

Will I cover more of this Show?  Do you want me to?  Hit me back- provided you aren't just Spam.

Quick Reviews: Terminator- Genisys

I'm back!  After this Film finally came to Video (since I wasn't paying for this in Theaters), I decided to go back to the Past with...

In the year 2029, John Connor (now not played by a young Actor with drug problems) sends Kyle Reese (now not played by Chekov) to save his Mother...and bone her.

When he gets back to 1984, he discovers a T-1000 (now Korean for some reason) and a Sarah Connor that is now inexplicably-badass.

It all ties back to someone having sent ANOTHER Terminator back to kill Sarah earlier and someone else sending a T-800 to save and raise her.

My question: why didn't the T-1000 coming back in T-2 cause this problem?

I won't SPOIL this one (more than the Trailers did, anyways), but I will tell you that you get big, action set-pieces, CG and the Golden Gate Bridge under attack- again!

With yet another new Terminator model (they are worse than iPhones!), can the gang survive and stop the Machine Army?  To find out, you know.

Lots of headaches with so little reward.  The Film isn't shot badly.  It has good CG Effects (generally), big set-pieces and some good ideas.  While I question alot of *why* it happens in the Story, this Sarah Connor is good to watch.  Honestly, Emilia Clarke is arguably the best part.  Everyone else can be a little flat (Jai Courtney), underused (Matt Smith), one-note (Schwarzenegger)  or generally-inconsistent (Jason Clarke).  The biggest issue is the Story.  It *could* have been really interesting, but just leaves so much unanswered.  One of the reasons- besides lazy Screenwriting- is because this, like many Films, was designed as a Trilogy.  We'll see if China convinced them to make a follow-up, but it is doubtful.  I was tempted to just make this Review out of questions raised by the Story, but I obviously didn't.  While I'm on the subject...

- How does the T-800 know about the time-line change?
- Who sent him?
- Is there a third Time Machine?
- How does Sarah know about her previous-timeline self?
-How did the other Sarah's upbringing set-up John Connor's personality and thus an alternate one?
- How does the T-800 regenerate his arm tissue later?
- How did the timeline change make the Machines decide to send back the T-1000 as Korean?
- Lastly, how did the timeline change make Bill Paxton into a different guy entirely?

Not a good Film overall.  It just raises way too many questions without satisfying its Audience in return.

New Import Flix: Sifu vs. Vampire (2014)

Almost as crazy as something that came out of Japan.  Today's Film is Sifu vs. Vampire, a 2014 Horror-Comedy from China that is pretty damn weird.  The Film appears to be an attempt to do a modern version of one of those Taoist Priest vs. Vampires Films that were big (in China) in the 1980s.  In this one, some would-be-gangsters end up caught up in a conflict between two Masters, a Mob Boss and a Vampire.  It is wacky.  It is really wacky.  It is relentlessly-wacky.  The thing couldn't be more tongue in cheek if I could taste the air on my tongue with my mouth closed!  It appears to have some real money and Production Values behind it, so it looks the part.  Is it one big, bad joke or something worth checking out?  To find out (without SPOILERS), read on...

These are our Heroes.  They are bad people...but act funny, so root for them?

They are also Master Pick-Up Artists.  I mean, check out these winning lines...

A conflict with their Boss brings in a Master of the Taoist Arts and, well, this line.

Since this Film is like 60% Plot and 40 Wacky Bits, let me focus on some of those.  For example, this person who clearly didn't watch the same Film that we did...

The Boss needs to re-bury his Grandfather, since he became a Vampire and is prophesied to doom humanity in about a week.

My bigger issue: why does this guy have THREE COPIES of 'Cinderella' and TWO COPIES of 'Home'- all within a 4-foot radius?!?

He later becomes a Vampire, proving that there is one thing worse than a Movie Producer/Mobster!

As the Vampire Army grows and threatens...well, a small part of Hong Kong, the made-up Film manages to change Titles.

With a powerful Vampire on the loose and preparing to doom us all, can our Heroes stop it?  The End.

Almost too silly for its own good.  It is hard to balance Horror Comedies out, you know.  In this case, they constantly throw silly shit at you, but also want you to feel like there is peril.  See the problem?  You can't realistically give me a Sad Ghost Girl Sub-Plot and then a Scene where the Heroes wait outside to throw poop at a Taoist Master.  It feels weird, you know.  There are some good Gags and Set Pieces here, so it is not like this is a total failure.  Someone clearly put some work into this...but it is just so loud and insistent.  If you connect with the Humor more, this won't be a problem for you.  You'll think that I'm just some dick who didn't get the jokes.  If you like MUCH more Comedy than Horror, this one is right up your alley.  If nothing else, the Film not only manages to date itself by year, but the exact day in which one Scene takes place...

Next up, more new Flix to keep me saying the word SPOILERS.  Before Tarantino's Film, what other Western could 'Snake' be in?  Stay tuned...

TV on the Internet: Ash vs Evil Dead- 'El Jefe'

Halloween has come and gone, but why not cover this now?

I may not have Starz, but I do have a few of these Episodes to watch, so let's see if this is groovy or, well, that 2013 Remake...

Time has moved forward and Ash is...older.  He's not so much an Action Hero these days, it seems.

Meanwhile, the Deadite menace seems to have returned (for reasons I won't SPOIL) and they are just as mouthy.

They come for Ash and they don't always come in ways that you expect...

 Later, Ash recaps his Story for the Audience...I mean, his Co-Worker.

Well, he recaps Evil Dead II...since Raimi and company don't fully-own Army of Darkness.  Oh well.

As Evil comes to Ash's door, can he step up to be the hero that he once was.  We've got a whole Series to answer that question...

A Story that has actually aged with grace- hurray.  The Story of Evil Dead is generally pretty simple.  There's an evil Book, it makes Deadites and bodies explode.  It isn't Shakespeare- at least not his early work.  Raimi and company did a good job keeping the original Films' mix of Horror, Humor and Action.  They don't reinvent the wheel here, but who was asking for that?  Who'd want an Evil Dead Film that was grim, dour and all about people being unlikable?  Oh, right.  I will admit that the CG Effects are a little....well, not good at times.  These are TV Level Effects, so just bear that in mind.  The Make-Up Work, on the other hand, is actually still pretty sweet.  It is clearly where Sam Raimi- who Directed this Episode- feels most comfortable.  After all, how else do you explain Oz: The Great and Powerful?  While nothing too surprising, Ash vs Evil Dead proves that there is still more in the tank.  Hopefully it can keep it up and make their multiple Stories- two right now- link up properly.  You don't want to be the last one to see this, right?

Can Episode 2 keep up the good work?  We'll both find out seen enough...

Holiday (Non) Fun: Monsters- Dark Continent

The true evil is to let companies keep making Direct-to-Video Sequels like this!  Today's Film is Monsters: Dark Continent, the 2014 Sequel to Gareth Edwards' surprise hit.  He was too busy making the world's most tedious Godzilla Film, so he merely serves as an Executive Producer.  In other words, they paid him some money to go 'Yeah, I'm cool with this.'  Why don't I get that kind of offer?!?  This Film jumps ahead some time and basically changes the facts to suit their needs.  When in doubt, cheat!  This is being highlighted today due to it focusing on some Soldiers.  I've had worse excuses to review a Film- right, Pocahauntus?  With more money and attention being presented to this one (on the Video Market, at least), will this fail or fly?  To find out (mostly), read on...

In the time since Monsters, the World has basically gone all District 9.  Dog-fighting- how classy!

Our Heroes are 4 Soldiers who, let's be honest, are kind of assholes.  Thanks for your fictitious service...but you are really unlikable for the most part.

 Now here's the rub: the Monsters are now in the Middle East...somehow.  How did they get out of Mexico again?

The other question- why are people still fighting with the U.S. Military when they are Lovecraftian Monsters walking around?  Prioritize, people!

As the action (occasionally featuring the Monsters) escalates, can our Heroes survive?

Or will the stress (and all the violence) be the end of them?  No SPOILERS here, so...the usual.

War is hell...but probably more fun than this one.  Monsters was not a great Film, but it had a unique feel.  For better or worse, Edwards had some interesting ideas for the Film.  This one- not so much.  Just imagine if the second half of Full Metal Jacket (the part people barely remember) took place with random Monsters showing up.  The creatures barely do anything here, so it is almost a wonder why they are here.  I believe the term 'contractually-obligated' is appropriate here.  Supposedly the Writer had pretty much free reign for the Story, as long as the Monsters showed up.  That feels about right.  The first time our Heroes run across the creatures, they fly past one and laugh.  The second time: they kill it with some Shotgun blasts.  No, really.  You can demystify the things to a point, but this one goes past it.  The things look cool, but just don't do enough to make this worth it.  On top of that, the Tone is super-bleak, the Characters aren't likable and the Film just isn't all that fun to watch.  It could have been something interesting, but it just kind of...well, sucks.  The best part- when they flat-out copy a Scene from the Original for no good reason.

I hope you thanked a Veteran today...and avoided disappointing stuff like this.  Sorry, Movie.

New Flix: The Final Girls (2015)

FINALly, a good Horror Comedy!  Today's Film is The Final Girls, a 2015 Horror-Comedy that goes all META on our asses!  The Film is about some people who end up getting sucked into a Horror Film.  Naturally, laughs ensue.  On the plus side, it is not Midnight Movie.  It comes to us from the Director of...alot of stuff I haven't seen, but also the last Harold & Kumar Film.  One of the 2 Writers actually has some good Horror Credentials though, so that's something.  The Screenplay comes to us from Joshua John Miller, a Child Actor from a number of notable Films.  He was in Halloween III and was the Child-looking Vampire in Near Dark!  He was also in Teen Witch, Class of 1999, Death Warrant and Meet the Hollowheads- that's more interesting to me though.  Aside from just that, his Mother was in such Films as Necromancy and Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill, while his Father played 'Father Karras' in The Exorcist and Exorcist III.  This inspired him to create a key Plot Point in the Film...which I will discuss later.  The Film is full of people you may or may not recognize such as Adam Devine, Thomas Middleditch and Malin Akerman.  To find out (without SPOILERS) why this one may be a hidden gem, read on...

This woman- Ackerman- was in a Friday the 13th-style Film called Camp Bloodbath.

Years later, she has a grown up Daughter who begrudgingly attends a Screening of the Film on a bad Anniversary.

A fire breaks out, leading to our Heroes trying to make an Exit through the Door behind the Screen.

However, this backfires in an odd way as they are now IN the Film!  Why couldn't it be Baywatch- The Movie: Forbidden Paradise?!?

The Film-within-the-Film features a killer named Billy- who's more like the guy in The Burning!- who isn't quite sure what to do with these new people, but you can bet that his default action is killing!

Can our knowing Heroes survive a Film full of dumb people, a killer and this very-slutty girl?

Here's the rub: our Heroine is conflicted about escaping the Film since her Mother is here...and she is dead in the real world.

They have to make a plan to escape and take out Billy all the same.  Can they do it...

...or will Billy prove to be the world's toughest burn victim?  To find out, watch the Film.

 Good, funny stuff.  I didn't go into this one with very high expectations and was pleasantly-surprised with the results.  Horror Comedies are so much harder to do than people think.  I've ranted and raved about this subject a number of times, so let's skip it.  Sufficed to say, this one turned out to be really good.  The Humor comes from its bizarre and funny Characters.  The overall situation is still Horror, so you don't really lose that.  It is a tricky balance, yes, but they manage it pretty well.  It still tends to skew more towards Comedy than Horror, so bear that in mind.  The Cast all does a great job with their Roles here.  Half of them are playing the Cliche Roles of 1980s Horror Films, while the other half actually turn out to be fairly-deep Characters.  The biggest surprise here is the actual sentiment that they manage to work into the Story.  Supposed Miller was inspired by the idea that he could see his Father in Films, even if he actually died in 2001.  There was apparently some disputes between certain Distributors as to what kind of content would be in the Film.  One of them wanted the Film to be Rated R, but lose the whole Sub-Plot with the Mother.  The one that finally let us see the Film let them keep the important Sub-Plot, but cut the Film down to a PG-13.  The end result worked out quite well, so I guess I can't complain.  The Film has all sorts of great sight gags and bits that I wouldn't dare SPOIL.  If you like the Slasher Genre and can laugh at it, I highly-recommend this one.  If nothing else, it will hold you over until an actual Friday the 13th comes out...

Next up, I cross the seas for a Horror-Comedy Import.  Will it be able to keep the streak alive?  Stay tuned...