My Crazy Youth: The Time That She-Hulk Did a 'Die Hard'

 As the World consider whether or not to hate She-Hulk for, you know, existing, it's important to remember history.

For instance, the 1990s Incredible Hulk TV Show.

The Channel was not happy with the dark- also good- tone and wanted a change.
So Season 2 got rid of the 'Hulk is hunted' Story, She-Hulk is introduced and everything got lighter.

That leads us to the 5th Episode of Season 2 entitled...

The Leader- a recurring Villain who has yet to be in the MCU proper- decides to do a desperate move...

He takes over a Fashion Show (so technically she 'pulled a No Contest')

Why?

To raise money.
So, naturally, he spends a good million at least on securing the place...

One of the Models is Betty Ross, Bruce's Girlfriend and a Scientist.

Yes, she's naturally a Fitness Model in her spare time, since '90s.

Also involved in the action is She-Hulk, who makes way more sense as a Model, since...I mean, do I need to explain?

The attack works at first and Bruce is unable to Hulk out, leaving our Heroines to stop him.

They get help in the form of the only other Models, three other ladies who join them to become the Fashion Warriors (roll credits).

Naturally, these Super Models are bad-ass Fighters and/or Scientists...who still fight dressed like this.

Action ensues, as well as a B-Plot where Ogre- a lady Hulk-thing- wants to be pretty, but is ugly...so ha.

Hulk himself finally plays a part in the final moments, helping save the day.

So how soon until The Fashion Warriors appear in the Show?

Wow, this is goofy as hell.  

For contrast, the 1st Season had these dark, serious Episodes where Hulk is pursued non-stop by the Military and struggling to control the 'beast within.'  He can't be around his friends or family.  He brings only pain and destruction!

Now here's Betty and She-Hulk fighting The Leader's Goons at a Fashion Show.
Yep.

The whole idea is kind of fun in a dumb way, admittedly.  The Leader needs money, so he decides to spend a ton of money to get a ransom.  I know you have to 'spend money to make money,' but there's got to be a limit.  If they would have lamp-shaded this, I'd have less complaints.

Again- Betty and She-Hulk lead a team of Super Models to fight a Villain.  It's not a serious Episode.

If you needed a clear example of how the Show got changed when it became The Incredible Hulk and She-Hulk (in the style of Slimer and the Real Ghostbusters), this is it.  Also, does the human neck bend like that?

A pretty dumb Episode that is fun in a 'turn your brain off' way.  If you like the cheesy stuff, you can enjoy it.

Streaming Standard: Uncharted (2022)

 Streaming Services are convenient in many ways.  This is especially true when it comes to Films that you didn't *really* want to shell out the extra money to see in Theaters.

To that end, I finally saw...

A young man- Tom Holland- is approached by another man- Mark Wahlberg- and asked to go on an adventure.

It helps that Wahlberg knew his missing Brother and promises that the hunt will lead to him too.

It's all about tracking down some gold, which means stopping at multiple locales across the World to avoid bad guys, solve puzzles and keep moving.

While pursued by the heir to the Fortune (who's the bad guy?), they are forced to work with a third Treasure Hunter.

Hijinks ensue.

As our Heroes get closer to the treasure, the danger gets more severe and the puzzles get more obtuse.

Can they solve the hidden message of, sigh, the post cards?

As the Third Act begins, we finally get Tom Holland in the outfit from the game, so it is time for the finale!

Can him and Wahlberg get the gold?
Who will survive?
Will you get that the weird guy on the Beach was Nolan North?
Do you even know what Nolan North looks like?

To find out the answer to *some* of those questions, stream the Film now.

I debated doing this as an Immediate Response, but I *specifically* didn't see it in Theaters and would only watch it this way, so this is how it goes.

The Film is...fine.  If you're a neophyte, it's a fun, if overproduced at times, Action/Adventure Film.  It is going to feel ALOT like an Indiana Jones Film, which is both praise and a complaint.  If you don't know, Uncharted started as a Game that would essentially let you 'Play an Indiana Jones Film' (minus the Fridge Scene).  So, naturally, when you turn it into a Film, it plays like an Indiana Jones Film.

If you're comparing it to an IJ Film, it definitely wants to feel like The Last Crusade.  In reality, it's probably closer to The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles.

While I'm not the biggest fan of the Uncharted Series- having only fully played 2 of them-, I can still tell what they changed and not necessarily for the better.  As much as I like Holland, he's not *quite* playing Nathan Drake in 'the right way' to match the Games.  Something something different Mediums, I know.  The Ages are also wrong, as both Leads are too young.  At one point, it was going to be Wahlberg as Nathan Drake, which would have ironically then made him too old- as fit as he may be- for THAT Role.  As Sully, he's fine, but they never quite gel like the real Nathan and Sully.

If you don't know the Games, you might really enjoy the Film.  It has a few too many random twists just to be twists for my take- a betrayal I won't SPOIL makes ZERO sense- though.  It was fun and it was fine...but will I remember it?

In case you thought I was exaggerating about how much they changed the Characters, see how Fortnite released TWO skins for the Characters- one for the Film and one for the Games.

Much like Sahara, you'll probably enjoy this fairly-light romp if you don't know the source.  If you do, however, the changes and feel might be a bit distracting. 

New Streaming: Creepshow- The Last Tsubaraya

 After too long of a break for no clear reason, let's get back to breaking down...

This is the tale of Art, obsession and greed.  

That's basically just the Modern Art Market, but also...

A rich Mogul buys a once-thought-lost Painting for a hefty sum.

The catch: nobody can see it beforehand.

He throws a big Party to celebrate his purchase and makes sure that only HE gets to see the Painting.

It's not about owning a Painting- it's about owning a one-of-a-kind experience for him.

Well, that and being an asshole.

Of course, this is Creepshow, so you know that his actions will have consequences.

What has he unleashed?
Can he stop it?
Will I be rooting for the Monster?

To find out the answer to the first 2 questions (the other one is an obvious 'Yes'), stream the Segment now.

It's good to have you back, Creepshow!  As always, we get a nice, juicy bit of a Morality Tale.  Did you expect something else?

The Segment gives us a guy who's easy to hate, plenty of reason to hate him and then puts him in danger.  What's not to love?  You get enough hints of him once being a normal human, so he's not a completely-cartoonish Villain.  He's only like 96% one.

The idea of cursed/evil Artwork- be they paintings or statues- is a good subject for this Series.  The idea of people abusing their wealth sure continues to ring true as well.  I'm almost disappointed to learn that the Artist in question here is not real.  That said, he is named after the Co-Creator of Godzilla, so I'll take it.

Classic Creepshow fodder is always good and this is no exception.  Now to get some nice pictures to share with the kids I know...

Next time, I tale involving Spiders.  These always end well, right?  See you then...

New Streaming: She Hulk- Attorney at Law- Episode 1

 Are you ready to please the fans and annoy the incels?

I know I am.  It's...

In the Show's Open, we meet Jennifer Walters who just wants to work her big case.

She, however, realizes that this is a Show and that we can't focus on that Plot until we know how she's, well, you know...

We see the accident that changed her life forever and it's not pretty.

She struggles with the change and Bruce's feelings about how she's handling the whole thing.

Is he right to worry?

We return back to the Case and, well, something big happens to put her ideas and Bruce's to the test.

Will she pass or fail?

To find out, stream the Episode now.

A fun exploration of Character and a nice introduction to the MCU.  She Hulk the Character is unique in alot of good ways.  She has a Career.  She doesn't affirm to be a Hero(ine).  She will still, however, help people when she needs to.

Many, many people are sure to get hung up on her comparing her real life struggles to Bruce's and there is sure to be a split on obvious lines.  That said, is she wrong?  I mean, is she really?

Putting that part aside, they really give us a good insight into both Hulks, which is nice.  We get all of the setup we need and we get to see her break the 4th Wall.  Do we need more?

I'm excited to see the direction they go with, as they seem to want to tell a good Story, build up the MCU and address Fan Theories..

Next time, Jen deals with the fallout and a new opportunity emerges.  It's the past and it's come a-knocking.  See you then...

Tubi Thursday: She Demons (1958)

 As we're getting more Superheroines represented in Comic Book Films/TV, why not feature some more?

Oh- Tubi doesn't have any.

In that case, here's...

It's 1958.  Things are going great!

Well, unless you're our Heroes- a rich Lady, an Asian Helper, a white Explorer and the Black Helper- who are stranded on a lost Island.  

Well, at least the US isn't about to bomb it.  Oh...they are.

Shock of all shocks- the Black Guy dies first.

To be fair, they left him alone on the Beach in a Horror Film.  It was either that or the titular Blanket Bingo.

Also on the Beach, they find...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*breaths*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*sigh* They find the body of a She Demon.  It's that or someone killed Penny from Pee Wee's Playhouse.

They meet the other She Devils, who are less silly-looking at the moment.

They hired Dancers, so they are going to dance.

They will also look at the Camera constantly, so f##k you, 4th Wall!

They find out that this is the elaborate plan of a Nazi Scientist who turns lava-based heat into power...that only runs a machine that converts lava-based heat into electricity.

You have to walk before you can run.

Will he kill our Heroes?

Not exactly.

He wants to use the girl- who's real name is Irish BTW- for some experiments, so he won't kill her.

Of course, he's hoisted by his own petard- in this case the Lava- and everyone lives happily ever after.  The End.

A bit of silly, schlocky fun.  It's not going to win any Awards.  It wasn't meant to.

  

You see, it's Director was told that his last Film- Giant from the Unknown- wouldn't be sold to run anywhere without a 2nd Film to run as a Double-Feature.  So he took $65,000 from his advance and shot this in 6 days.

The Film was designed to emulate Men's Magazines from the time, so it included all of the stuff you'd expect.  It's got Nazis.  It's got an Island.  It's got Dancing Ladies.  It has monsters.  It's a 'Check all of the Boxes' Film, not a 'Make Your Passion Project' Film.

Sparse positives include the fact that Sammy- the Asian Lead- is not a Houseboy.  It's a big thing for 1958, alright.  Otherwise, the Film is pretty damn stock, but in a fun way.  

There's also a hint of what the Plot of Eyes Without a Face in here.  It's probably a coincidence, but that's neat.

In summary, She Demons is just schlocky enough to be fun without being too embarrassing.  It's the right kind of cheese, so not limburger.  It also teaches what happens when you mix up sticky tape with bandages...

A silly, but also pretty nothing Film that will amuse you.  You can do worse, if we're being honest.

'90s Class?: Desperado (1995)

 Let's make that Movie again, but now we'll spend 1,000% more money.  This is Desperado, the semi-Remake, but mostly Sequel to  Robert Rodriguez's first Film.

Since he spent $7,000 for El Mariachi, he got a big deal to make Films with *gasp* a real Budget.  Now he's got $7,000,000 to make this one.  What's changed?

Well, he's not doing 80% of the work, having separate Cameraman, Stunt People and isn't being pushed around in a wheelchair to do tracking shots.  It's the sweet life!

Desperado is most known for being the break-out Films for its Stars- Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek- and for showing what Rodriguez can do in the Hollywood System.  The result was a big hit that I definitely rented from a Blockbuster at some point.  Good times.

Is bigger better or is the Indy original the best?  Let's find out...

A man- Steve Buscemi- goes into a Mexican Bar and builds up the legend of The Desperado.

Who is this mysterious, gun-toting Mexican badass?

He's the Lead from El Mariachi, as seen in this reenactment of the Ending of said Film.  This also gives us the one-off appearance of that Film's Villain.

Since she was never trying to be an Actress, this is the 2nd and last Credit held by this Actress.

The new Villain is supposedly the big Boss that was over him in the last Film, but I don't really recall that being a thing.

He's played by a great Character Actor here, but was originally going to be Raul Julia, but his health got too bad for him to do it and he died before Production started.

Man, that would have been a helluva better Final Film than Street Fighter, no?

Banderas here is playing doing the same thing he- as a different Actor- saw Azul doing in that Film.

Of course, that ended with his sudden, violent death, so...why not emulate someone better?

On the plus side, these shoot outs are still fun and physics-defying after 25 years.

He gets wounded in that fight, but manages to keep going.

His action put enough pressure for Not Raul Julia to send more people in AND for his Boss to do the same.

He saves Hayek from being stuck in the middle of a shoot-out, so she takes care of him...kind of like that lady in the last Film.

Oh right- she runs a Bookstore here and not a Bar.  It's totally different.

In a neat bit of misdirection, we get Danny Trejo as a Mob Hitman that is actually taken down by the Mob Boss' own men.

Of course, they telegraph this twist by asking what the 'hired gun' looks like to avoid this happening...and then it happens.

It's almost a really clever idea.  Almost.

Here's a Scene where we learn about how Not Raul Julia is bankrolling Hayek's Book Store, but this time it's not about romance- it's about transferring drugs.

After he figures out that she was hiding Banderas, however, he turns on her like his lower man did in Mariachi.

This time, however, we get a big shoot out, since Rodriguez now has money to spend on this.

Banderas finally sees Not Raul Julia and realizes a big twist- it's his Brother.

So, to be clear, that random Mariachi guy was secretly the Brother of a Drug Czar in the last Film?  Okay...

He calls in his two friends- one of whom was the Lead in Mariachi- for a big shoot-out.  You will believe that you can fire rockets from a guitar case!

After that, he...calmly enters his Brother's Ranch and lets himself be outgunned?  Okay.

He tries one last (or first) time to talk him down, but eventually shoots the villain dead...and then the Film cuts to the next Scene.

This was done to cut the Film from an X-Rating to an R... but at least is a unique flourish.

Time to be in that 3rd Film that even I barely remember (and I saw it in Theaters!).  The End.

A fun, vibrant Film that doesn't exactly have alot of depth to it.  Desperado is full of big Action Set Pieces, explosions and the like.  That's all good.

If you need more than that, you might find it a bit lacking.  You get hints of a stronger Story with Hayek essentially reprising the role of the Female Lead in the last Film.  It just kind of stops right before the end though, so...no such luck.

For his part, Banderas plays a cocky, but also fallible Hero.  He's not always great at his job.  He sometimes gets lucky.  He always gets away with things though.  Like Hayek, he gets a little bit of depth, which is also rehashed from El Mariachi.  This one at least has a payoff and we're spared the Dream Sequences from the last Film.

As a fun, '90s Action Film that can be a bit unconventional, the Film delivers.  If you just so happen to need more than the outline of a real Story, Desperado might be a bit shallow.  Like all '90s Indie Films, it does also have Quentin Tarantino for no discernable reason...

Next time, random DVD drawing got me a Chinese Film that owes a bit to Seven Samurai.  Hey, if America can milk that Story, so can the Chinese.  Stay tuned...

Lost in Translation?: Boltneck (aka Teenage Monster)

 Gutentag!

Germany is good for many things and one of them is Film Posters/Box Art.

What did they do with this possibly-copyright-infringing Film?
Let's find out...

So...you just flipped the image?  Weird.

According to Google, their Title is now 'Frankenstein Lives.'
I mean...yeah, he's the Scientist, so that's kind of how the whole process begins.

As I've heard in the past, the Frankenstein Story was always big there- obvious German roots in the Story and all- so this re-titling is no surprise.

I also like how they put 'Deadpool' under Reynolds' name, but did nothing for Shelly Duvall or Judge Reinhold.

They know where the money is...and it's not with Troop Beverly Hills fans.

Tubi Thursday: Swamp Thing (1982)

 With the Rifftrax Live Show tonight (already happened, but go with it), I thought it might be good to look back at the original Film.

What was Swamp Thing like before he returned?  Let's see...

A Doctor- Alec Holland- is working on a Plant Growth Formula out in the Swamp.  He meets the new Tech Person- Adrianne Barbeau- and they hit it off.

Of course, there's not much time for romance when...

Dr. Arcane- who shows up disguised for no reason at all- blows up the place, burns Alec and seems to get his win.

Of course, the titular Swamp Thing shows up to save Barbeau from the bad guys.

The Lead Henchman, by the way, is David Hess.  He's the guy from The Last House on the Left and it's sort of knock off House on the Edge of the Park.  Also this Film about the Munich Olympic Killings, which came out just 4 years after the real thing.

Our Hero is slowly-remembering who he is, while the bad guys keep coming.

Barbeau keeps getting put in peril and escaping so much that she must have PTSD!

Thankfully, the pair- despite Holland being wounded- find time for love.

Also Tubi is *currently* showing the International Version, so it is the one with Nudity it it.  In case you were wondering.

It all comes to a head as our Hero escapes the House with Barbeau.

Arcane saw how the formula turned Alec in Swamp Thing, but also turned his henchman into a little person...so he drinks it.

Now he's...um, a Werewolf that comes out of a fleshy cocoon and uses a sword...I guess.

Can he overcome the tragedy and save the day?

Will the Film explain the fate of the other people in Arcane's house?

To find out, stream the Film.

It's still a fun, if uneven Film all around.  It goes for a strange vibe- a sort of love letter to 1950s Sci-Fi.  Weird that it's based on something NOT MADE in the 1950s, but whatever.  Craven and company bring a unique feel to this one, for better or for worse.

The Pacing can be a bit odd and it feels like maybe they weren't quite sure what to do with the middle of the Film.  Everyone kind of wanders around the same Swamp parts, some action happens and everything resets to norm until the turn with Swamp Thing being captured.

The Finale is where things get bonkers, as people mutate, explosions happen and a Wolfman finds a Swamp Thing in the muck with a sword.  It's where you really feel like you're watching a Wes Craven Film.  It's just kind of a shame that the Sequel sets up so much mayhem...and delivers so little in reality.

As far as this Film goes, it's right on the edge of being good, but also cheesy and bizarre.  It's definitely not for everyone.  As a (hopefully famous) Alec, I always like Films about Alecs though.  Yes, I'm biased.  I also like Films with weird pig-wolf-guys, which is why I kind of enjoy Masters of The Universe and, well, this...

A curious hiccup in Wes Craven's career- he made Nightmare in 1984- that still delivers.  It's kind of cheesy, kind of weird...but I like it still.