Alright, if you wanted the silly Chinese Film to look like an Oscar Winner, you get your wish.
It's the 2017 Film by...Mark Polonia. Yep, the guy from Feeders 2 and Peter Rottentail.
Oh boy.
The only Plot you get is that Shark-Human Hybrids that can walk on land.
You don't really SEE any of them...so...yea.
The Budget is...I'm going to guess $20 and a few cases of White Claw.
You don't really SEE any of them...so...yea.
As such, you get mostly just POV Shots and 1/5 of a second shots of a puppet. That and them clearly just squirting fake blood from a Ketchup Container onto random objects.
So here's one of the few funny shots.
Our 'Heroes' eventually go to track down the Sharks- who apparently just escape off-camera when they feel like it.
This just involves them wandering around for long, long takes.
Hey look- another funny shot.
It wasn't worth the wait, so you're welcome.
The pair finally track down the last one, who changes model from the puppet to the brief CGI Model, and kill it near a Cabin.
Plot Twist- the guy becomes a Human-Shark Hybrid.
Double Plot Twist- he dies in like 50 seconds.
Double Plot Twist- he dies in like 50 seconds.
We get some Sequel Bait and we're out.
Ouch. Just ouch.
In 2017, there was only one Polonia Brother- Jon died in 2008- but the Films didn't slow down. As such, Mark churned out copycat Film after copycat Film. For instance, a Camp Killer Film with a Clown that has IT in the Title. Ouch.
In contrast, this is just a piece of shit. It's not funny. It's not a ripoff. It's just a series of unfunny 'Kill Scenes' with little payoff. Yell at the camera. Off-camera shark. 'Blood' squirted. Yawn.
The fun of watching terrible CGI is barely-there. It's just a chore to get through. The Score- which I'm sure is stock and never matches the Scenes- is nice. The Establishing Shots- which were clearly bought as Stock Footage- are also nice.
I guess points for using good stuff...but alot of points lost for making terrible stuff to surround it. Why not just make a Film about the real Land Shark- it is still more convincing!
B
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