Saturday, January 29, 2022

'90s Trash: Savage (1995)

 Can Avi Nesher make a worse Film than Doppelganger?   Is that really a question that needed answering?!?

His 1995 Film called Savage is notable for being Co-Written (or fully Written) by NPR's Peter Sagal.  He talks about it here.  

The Plot is a big old mess involving murder, people remembering that they used to be a Caveman, VR Games, a famous Actor's Daughter and Aliens.  Do I need to say more?

This is...

A man- French Kickboxer Olivier Gruner- is living happily with his wife and son...until someone kills them.

If you're wondering why he's not killed, um...reasons?
It's now 2 years later and he's been comatose in a Psych Ward the whole time...until a TV plays someone singing 'Amazing Grace' and he escapes.

FYI this becomes the Theme Song of the Film, with at least 3 different versions.  The Soundtrack Album must be epic!
He runs out into the Desert (which is near the Los Angeles-based Hospital?) and ends up in a Cave.

He sees paintings of Cavemen with marks on themselves, a laser light show, briefly morphs into a Cro-Magnon for like a second, gets a matching mark and leaves.

All caught up on the Plot so far? 
He ends up in the City now and across from a young Cop- Cary Grant's Daughter (he had her at 60)- who nobody respects.

Our guy escapes from holding and back into the City...but now with an awful haircut 'inspired by Don Mattingly on The Simpsons.'
I should mention that this Film is set in the fictional Present.

So he goes to a VR Booth to play a game by the evil Corporation that killed his family.  Oh right- we don't know that last part yet.
Why did they do it?

Well, this guy on the right is trying to activate some sort of alien tech, so the Creators summon 'a Savage' (I guess that was the freak out in the Desert?) to stop him.

This lady in the middle knows nothing and is first seen fully-naked having sex.  Classy.
His Henchmen is the Racist Neighbor from Raising Arizona.
The man activates some sort of device to do...something with lasers.  Hey, if they don't know, I don't know!

Can the Savage stop them with his ability to super-leap and ineffectively throat bite people?
He does so by...smashing the device with a rock.  Hey- he had to jump over a small pit filled with fire too.

The Aliens- just drink them in, folks!- thank him...and the place blows up.

You're welcome...assholes!
Grant drives away and, I guess, sees him miles away in the distance.

See the future adventures of The Savage in...nothing.  Nothing at all.

The End.
In case you couldn't tell, this one is a mess!  It's the kind of Bad Movie that is not only silly and ridiculous, but also pretty incomprehensible.

If you tell me a terrible Story, at least do it in order and with context!  The 'Savage' stuff is not explained until at least halfway in.  The reason for them killing Gruner's family comes even later (their farmland included the Cave).  The Villain's Plot is never quite explained- something to do with ascending- and they even include the Lady Executive to be told everything as our Audience Proxy.  For some reason, they STILL can't make the Plot clear until the end!

Gruner is not great in this role.  Sagal talks about how he was given one clear direction- don't include the letter 'R' in his dialog (since he pronounces that letter differently with his accent).  Fun stuff.

If you enjoy sheer insanity and don't expect to know what is going on, check this one out.  For the more picky Bad Movie Connoisseur, avoid this one.  Hey look- E. Honda from Street Fighter is here!

Next time, I segue from Cavemen and Aliens to Werewolves.  See what Twilight was before Twilight was a thing.  Stay tuned...

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