Poor Bastards of Cinema: The Gravedancers (Part 2)

Last week, it was a nameless and pointless victim.  This time, it's...at least set up by the Plot.

In The Gravedancers, our Heroes are targeted by vengeful ghosts.  One of them is targeted by that of a Rapist and is in a Hospital after an attack.

This Nurse goes in to check on her....

She tries to tell the Nurse to leave, but can't exactly go 'There's a Ghost Rapist.  Run!'

Even though he/it has no real reason to, it now attacks her!

Ouch.

To end the assault, the ghost throw her through a pane of glass!

She's alive, but...yeah, not great.

This Nurse is going to need Therapy.  On the plus side, she can now prove that ghosts exist.

The moral: Nurses aren't paid enough.  Not just a fact of the Movie- just a fact.

Next time, two people dare to make out in a Horror Film.  Clichés will kill you.  See you then...

'70s Trash?: Savage Weekend (1979)

After owning this thing for Years (if not a Decade!), I finally decided to watch it.  This is Savage Weekend, a 1979 Film that really is a prototype for the Slasher Genre that is soon to emerge in America.  Some backstory on me: long, long ago, my friend and I bought the Drive-In Movie Classics 50 Movie Pack from Best Buy.  The couple we watched were less than 'Classics,' so I ended up with the set.  It's been sitting on various shelves since then and I only realized that I had this Film after the double whammy of re-checking the Set for a Movie (Voodoo Black Exorcist) and highlighting the Poster on the Site.  Even still, that was in February!  So how is the Movie after all of this time?  It's...interesting.  There are some good, clever moments inside the slow-as-molasses Plot that are worth highlighting.  The Film tells the tale of some yuppies who spend the Weekend out in the Woods to oversee the building of a Boat- as you do.  Eventually, a masked man starts picking them off one by one!  Is it one of them?  Is it the creepy local named Otis?  Is it someone else?  To find out the answer, read on...

The Film opens In Media Res with our Heroine running from someone and freezing up as they approach her with a Chainsaw.

Okay, I'm listening...

Before all that happened, we see the group preparing for the trip.  Her ex-husband (a cross between Sean and Chris Penn) is not happy about her going, but will still watch the kid for the weekend.

This, incidentally, is the first of two times that they introduce a kid into the Plot with zero payoff.

Out in the Woods, Otis is walking around talking to a tombstone about how those 'rich folks' were coming and how he doesn't like them.

On the plus side, William Sandersen is here before being typecast as a Tech Genius.

After lecturing Otis about being behind schedule and putting another guy on the Boat work to help him, the local Builder- David Gale- tells a tale of Otis supposedly tying and branding a woman.

I'd listen, but that sweet, sweet mustache is too distracting.

FINALLY a masked man starts wandering around and puts on said mask to start stalking them.

He picks off one guy- the one who replaced Otis- before a big Dinner and nobody seems to care.

One of the group is introduced in a Scene where he beats up some guys in a Bar.  This is all a build-up to...him being stabbed through the ear with a needle and dying with no fight put up.

Pointless or clever misdirection- you decide!

After killing everyone there save for one (saved by a faulty light), the killer reveals himself to be...the Ex-Husband.  They do set him up as being jealous and a little crazy, so alright.

The pay-off is this epic battle between him and Gale (who was away with his Daughter- Yancy Butler!) when the killings happened.

We finally return to the intro as Otis appears, grabs the chainsaw and...kills the killer.  Touché, Film.  The End.

I'm kind of on the fence about this one.  On one hand, the Film does play with your expectations in some pretty notable ways.  It also feels like an early Slasher- before they became all about building up the Heavy- like My Bloody Valentine or the original Friday the 13th.  On the other hand, the first 2/3 of it drag really bad and are just mostly slow Character build-up.  It's just not that interesting.  The Pacing is just so bad here that it hurts the whole Film.  You can see that they were somewhat aware of it, as they throw in random Nudity and that supposed Otis Flashback bit.  Even so, it is just not enough.  When it gets to the 'good stuff,' it mostly delivers quite well.  That's kind of what makes the first half of the Film so disappointing.  A slow build-up to nothing is almost better, since it doesn't exceed expectations.  When you know that a Film could have been better, it's just worse.  Savage Weekend is not a complete waste, but it is definitely a conditional recommendation from me.  Speaking of recommendations, I recommend that you keep the damn Boom Mic out of the shot!

Next time, I review Dracula vs. Frankenstein.  Yes, there is another one (or two).  Stay tuned...

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: Creature from Black Lake

Another chance to look at a 1970s Poster for a Film I've not seen.  I can't get enough of this exact thing, apparently.

In this case, it is yet another Bigfoot Film- albeit one that I may or may not check out.  It sure is dark there...

Spooky.  I like how they almost vanish into the creature.  It looms over them and everything they do.

I mean, I'm giving thing a lot of credit, to be fair.  I'm told that I can be 'snobbish,' so let me give the devil...er, skunk ape, their due.

As always, the original Poster...

Aside from the obvious retouches, you have to agree that there should be more black on a Poster for a Film with that Title, right?  Exactly.

As a bonus, let's see what Google tells me about the Film...

...so yeah, kudos for the work on the Poster.  You did a lot with not so much.

Quick Reviews: Yakuza Apocalypse

After all this time wondering what the Film would be like, I now know.  I'm still not sure what the point of all of it was though...

Our Hero is a Yakuza in a small Town who is both nice (for a Yakuza) and doesn't fit in.  You see, his skin is so sensitive that he doesn't have the trademark tattoos!  Also he cares for this blinded lady.

After a while working with his Boss, he experiences a whole mix of emotions.  Rage at seeing his Boss attacked, shame at being taken down by the same assailant (that bad-ass guy from The Raid) and sadness as his Boss literally has his head ripped off.

One last emotion to go: confusion as his Boss' head is still alive and bites him!

He is now a Yakuza Vampire! 

When he bites people and they die, they come back as Vampires...that are also Yakuza Members in their minds.

That's...different. 

After all this initial set-up, the Film gets...weird.  I know it started out that way, but gets so much more!

The Villains include this guy who dresses like a Witchfinder (and speaks English), an actual Goblin and the whole thing builds up to a big evil coming to town...who's a person in a frog mascot suit.

The thing just keeps going and none of it really makes much sense.  The frog fights the Vampires and this is somehow signaling the end of the World.

I can't really SPOIL anything that I can't explain, right?  The End.

I honestly don't know what this is.  The premise is fun.  Mixing a tale of Yakuza Members and Vampires is interesting.  They come up with and play off some interesting ideas.  For example, the Boss kidnaps Criminals until they forcibly convert to good...whereupon he feeds on them.  Why the first part?  Because Yakuza blood is apparently not as satisfying or nutritious.  I don't know or care why this makes sense, but it is interesting.  The Film, unfortunately, goes completely bonkers about halfway through and I never really could follow it. Our Hero converts the entire Town, so a Yakuza with white goop that leaks from her head (for no clear reason) plants seeds with said goop to grow new Civilians.  The effect used to show it is some sort of weird Stop-Motion thing...but it's followed by a shot of the other Yakuza's being confused.  It makes it seem like she was just imagining that last part...but I guess she wasn't.  I also don't know why the ultimate evil is a person in a frog suit.  I don't know why they are wearing a second frog mask underneath.  I don't know why peeling a sticker off of their belly button makes a big laser shoot out.  I don't know why it suddenly grows like a Power Rangers Villain (and returns to its suit-wearing form).  I don't know why the Film just kind of stops abruptly.  Yakuza Apocalypse is interesting at first, but I can't make a damn bit of sense of the final product.  As much as I want to, I can't recommend it to most people.  It's...all but nonsensical, even by Miike's standards.  It does give me some great advice to apply to my own life though...

If you can make heads or tails of this, you may enjoy it.  I wanted to like this a lot, but ended up just more confused than anything!

TV on the Internet: Ash vs Evil Dead- 'Unfinished Business'

Ash vs Evil Dead is one of what feels like the 6,000,000 things in my life, but I still make time for it.  I just...take longer.

In any event, here's your Teaser for Episode 4...

In the wake of what happened last Episode, Ash is visited by his Ghost Dad.  It's time for some suddenly-important backstory...

As for Ash's Daughter, her and Kelly have some trouble with a new Deadite.  Can they survive?

As for Ash, his ghostly visitor takes him to...a Hardware Store.  What secrets lie in the basement and how will they affect the future?

As for Ruby, she is still super-evil, but we see a little more nuance to her when she talks to this lady in the Underworld/Hell.  Can she be stopped?

To find out, keep watching the Show.

More bloody good fun.  Ash vs Evil Dead does a nice job of giving you short- by Network TV Standards- doses of both crazy, emotional and fun stuff.  You get Ash with his physical comedy.  You get Ruby's sardonic wit.  You get Kelly's gruff, but fair attitude.  We also get one more- hopefully not the last- bit with Lee Majors being a mean, sarcastic dick.  You really do see how Ash could grow up to be the way he is when he you see his Dad.  For the bloody stuff, this one was a bit more sedate.  We get a Deadite and once nice head explosion- making Tom Savini proud-, but this is mostly about the weird and serious.  Kelly is really conflicted by all of this and not sure how to handle it.  Ash does care for his Daughter.  Even when he won't say it, Brock really does care about Ash.  Credit where credit is due, they keep things fresh with the Deadites and other Monsters.  In this case, we get some wall tentacles, which stand in contrast to the stuff they used before.  Ruby adds a new wrinkle to this whole Story- no SPOILERS- that I liked and am curious to see play out.  No matter who wins, we'll all enjoy the trip.  I'll leave you with this glorious '90s burn by Kelly...

Next time, evil is both adorable and deadly.  Can they save themselves, let alone the World?  See you then...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: The Gravedancers (Part 1)

A pair of victims so forgettable that I completely forgot about them when planning the next Update.

In this case, it is literally one that the Studio forced to be here.  The Director- Mike Mendez- didn't even Direct the Scene!

In The Gravedancers, a bunch of people are targeted by Ghosts for the titular slight.  Before all that, here's this Pre-Credits lady.

A ghost keeps tormenting her until it finally kills her!

This is followed by...a time jump.  Wow.

To clarify, the Studio wanted the Film to be the start of a Series.  Presumably different victims and ghosts every time.  Seems fine.

As such, they needed to make it a 'pattern' with this pointless kill.  I'm not even sure that she has a name!

The moral: don't be a Character added for Studio-mandated Reshoots.  I hope that helps.

Next time, a more clear victim meets a bad fate.  You don't have to die to qualify, but it sure helps.  See you then...

Lost in Translation: Starcrash

I love Starcrash.  It is silly, cheesy and ridiculous.

That might be why I love it.  Who knows?

In any event, it was not above getting some odd Covers from other Countries.  Sometimes, they were just plain, well, misleading...

...did they watch the Movie??!?

It looks like a Film where Doc Savage and Barbarella join in on the Star Wars.  That's a very specific bit of Fan Fiction...that probably exists already.

Bonus point: I can check Colombia off of the list of Countries featured on the Site.

Now, of course, for the original insanity...

Obviously I'm biased, but, come on, mine is better, right?

*Almost* Immediate Response: Isle of Dogs (2018)

I saw this on Saturday at the lovely Tampa Theatre in its limited release.  Now that I have time to actually talk about it, let's see how it was...

The Good

* Wes Anderson's style is as present as ever, even in Stop-Motion.
* A slew of talented Actors deliver great performances, from Bryan Cranston to Jeff Goldblum to Harvey Keitel.  So many great Actors!
* The Story is silly, but also full of not-so-subtle Political Subtext.
* While it is beautiful and fun, it also has heart.
* The mix of non-translated Japanese, translated Japanese

The Bad

* Some could say that this suffers from the 'White Savior' Trope.  My counterpoint- the Japanese boy is the main Hero.
* Why do some Dogs understand Japanese and others don't?  It's a weird thing, right?
* It could be argued that the Film deals heavily in caricatures (possibly stereotypes) of the Japanese.

I really liked it, so I can't nitpick that much.  It's fun, has some depth and has some real heart.  If you love quirky Films and love Animation, check it out.

'Deep Blue Sea' Moments: The Gravedancers

While the Movie was a mixed-bag of serious and goofy, The Gravedancers has given me plenty of material.  Aside from the Review, I can milk at least three more posts out of it this Month.  Let's start with this one...

As a quick refresher, people got drunk and danced on some graves.  These were the graves of killers, who now want revenge for this slight.

One of them is an obvious homage to Lizzie Borden.  She's not friendly.

Our Heroes try to fight her off after she possesses their dead friend- Ghost Power #42- but to no avail.  They do the next best thing- run away and hide.

After running from a different ghost, they return to the room and look around for Not Lizzie.  One of them tempts fate...

...and gets an axe in the back for her trouble!

Yep, the ghost was on the ceiling.  Thanks for the heads up, Lionel Richie!

Just to note: this is also supposed to be an ironic death.  You see, the woman sabotaged a previous attempt to send the spirits back, since she wanted more concrete proof of the ghosts.

So she 'stabbed them in the back' and a ghost literally stabbed her in the back.  Get it?

Next time, who the hell knows?  I don't get these very often, so wait and see...

Holiday Flix: Stephen King's Sometimes They Come Back

For one reason or another, I've not done this Movie as an Easter pick.  You could almost say that on the 3rd Year it rose.  Ha ha- sacrilegious.  Today's Film is Sometimes They Come Back, a 1991 Film based on a Stephen King Story.  A Film based on a Stephen King Story- how unique!  Even by King's standards, this one is a bit of a weird stretch.  The Story involves a man moving back to his Hometown with his family, only to discover that something from his past won't stay dead.  Can he finally face up to it?  Will any of this actually make that much sense?  Without SPOILing the Plot's weirder stuff just yet, I do wonder how there are TWO Sequels to this.  I guess you know what's coming next Year then.  To find out if this is more It than Lawnmower Man, read on...

A man- Tim Matheson- moves to his Hometown with his Family after an 'incident' in Chicago.  It's too expensive to shoot there, so just trust us.

What could go wrong?

Oh right- his traumatic past.

As we eventually learn, he lost his brother in an accident involving some bullies who decided to park their car on a train track to mess with them.  Guess what happened.  Oh and put 50s Greasers, Bullies and Train Track on your Stephen King Bingo Card.

He starts teaching at the School and then strange things start to happen.  The biggest is when a car- the same one hit by the train- chases down and kills his student.

So this was Filmed in Missouri and Carnival of Souls was done in Utah, but doesn't this remind you of that same bridge?

When the one student dies, a Greaser takes his place.  Why this 20-something in a class full of Seniors isn't weird to anyone is anyone's guess.

The group continues to kill and replace students until they get back to full power.

Given the fact that nobody sees the car or witnesses the crime, Matheson looks suspicious.

Mind you, the kid above was *literally* torn to pieces, so how does that look normal?!?

He finally finds the connective bit he needs to stop the gang- the lone survivor of them.

On the plus side, Sanderson isn't typecast as a Hacker/Computer Expert here.

The gang continues to attack him and his family, finally revealing their true forms when the Budget allows.

The only way to stop them: get his dead brother back.

Naturally, this all leads to a big showdown at the same tracks and the gang is killed again, but for real...assuming that they aren't in the Sequels.  The End.

It's fun and all, but so full of silliness.  The Film is supposed to be taken 100% seriously, but it is really hard.  For one thing, the Plot involves undead Greasers in 1991.  I mean, do I have to even expand upon this?!?  Second, said Greasers just act ridiculous, constantly doing this stupid laugh.  It worked for Tim Curry, but not for you!  Third, the whole premise is just bizarre.  As someone points out on IMDB, the group is killed because the keys were lost in the previous scuffle.  Back from the dead, they somehow drive around easily without the keys.  For the climax, they lose the keys...again and they can't drive away to save themselves.  Did that make sense?  They somehow act like dicks in public, but also drive a magic, invisible car.  On top of that, when they start to haunt the son, he sees stuff from his dad's memory.  I guess the idea is that *they* are projecting this, but, otherwise, how would he know any of that?  Their powers are just kind of vague for lazy screenwriting's sake.  They have a super-indestructible car (it flips over a parked car with no effort), can possibly teleport and project their pre-death forms to everyone.  Why not just give them a magic, laser-firing ring like Dracula had to while you're at it?!?  So, the final product is a mix of silly and super-serious.  It didn't totally work for me, but you might disagree.  I'll leave you with a pretty sad attempt to copy the 'Everything floats down here' bit from It...

Next time, I look at a Film with a familiar title.  Is it worse or better than the first one?  Stay tuned...