Rare TV Flix: The Norliss Tapes

It is neat (but empty) piece of 1970's TV History.  

Today's 'film' is The Norliss Tapes, a Backdoor Pilot for a TV Show that never surfaced.  This all goes back to Dan Curtis, a man whose Career in Television would parallel that of Rod Serling before him and Chris Carter after him.  He's most known for the low-rated, but well-regarded show Kolchak: The Night Stalker, although he actually only worked on the Original TV Movie.  

He also made Dark Shadows, but (thankfully?) didn't live to see Tim Burton bastardize the show into a Film.  As the son of a huge Dark Shadows fan, it was a rough time.  

Around the time that the Night Stalker film aired, he also made this.  The best guess people have is that Curtis was just trying to maximize his chances of a Show being picked up.  It kind of makes sense if you think about it.  If they are deciding between 10 pitches and Curtis has one, there is about a 10% chance of getting picked up.  If Curtis now has 2 shows, his odds, well, double.  That seemed to work out, although in the favor of Kolchak and not Norliss.  

The Story is a neat one and has *some* parallels to the more famous tale.  A man named Norliss is working on a book about the Occult when he goes missing.  The answer lies in his titular Tapes.  

To find out (some of) what happened to him, read on...

Mr. Norliss is a man writing a Book on the Occult.  

He tells his Publisher that he needs to see him right away- it's urgent!

Before they can meet, however, he goes missing.  

The only clue: his Tapes.

An Investigator decides to play Tape #1 to find some answers...

Norliss, as it turns out, is hired by a woman (Angie Dickinson) to investigate a break-in at her Studio by...her husband?

Naturally, there's a catch: he's dead already!

Norliss checks every lead.  

In the meantime, this Film/Pilot gives us a Poor Bastard of Cinema to cover later.

Some man/ghoul is killing people and draining their blood.  To what end?

 Angie and the above Mystic (who gave her husband the ring that made him a ghoul) go to the Crypt to take the ring and end the curse.

Yeah, this will end well...especially since they left at like 4:55 in the Afternoon!

The Mystic is killed, but the ghoul lets his wife escape, shedding a tear.  

A monster with a heart- yowza!

I do have to ask why Zombies were always blue around this time.  Who decided that?

The ghoul has a goal (try saying that five times fast!): to bring this Demon to life via a Sculpture.  

As for the blood, it was used to make the clay.  Ew.

Rather than stop him from finishing, Norliss makes a magic circle to seal it in and a fire breaks out.

If you ever wanted to know what a 1970's TV Version of Marvel's Mephisto would have looked like, here you go.

The fire kills (more, I guess) the ghoul, but it is unclear if the demon got out.  

You want closure or something?

With the case over, the tape ends.  

The Investigator moves on to Tape #2, which is where the 'film' stops cold.  

See you in the...oh...crap.  The End.

Well, crap!  Honestly, the whole thing is pretty good.  I almost wish that it had turned out to be bad, just so I wouldn't be sorry that nothing more came of this.  The worst part: I didn't know this information going in.  I figured that it was just some obscure, TV movie like Cardiac Arrest, Alien Abduction or recent fare like Mask of the Ninja.  

No, this is a tale without closure- which even Bates Motel has a bit of- and something that makes you want to see more.  There are a number of Threads on its IMDB Forum of people saying the same thing, even some forty years later!  This is one of those rare times that I am upset that the movie is good.  

Don't get me wrong- it's not perfect.  The pacing and use of random kills is a bit odd at times.  For modern fans, the conventions of the day may not be as interesting.  

On purely its own merits though, The Norliss Tapes is a good glimpse at what could have been.  

Hey CBS, you haven't made a somewhat-disappointing Remake of this Show that you can cancel after only a few Episodes yet.  

I've seen the Ratings- you can't do worse (not counting Big Bang Theory)!  

I'll leave you like this film left me- wanting...

Next up, a Rare find from Italy.  It is trash, but you have to make it to the End to really see the beauty!  Stay tuned...

Project Ennui: Generation Um...

Let's close this Round out with a...*yawn* bang...or whatever.

Wow.  This is just...wow.  Today's film is Generation Um..., a film about...nothing.  Sorry, Seinfeld!  This film is just...well, I have very little to say.  I will try to pad this out to look respectable though.  If I could condense the film down to two words, it would be 'arty bullshit.'  I guess this makes us even, Bob.  I would tell you about the Story, but there's not much to say.  I will say that the film has a 0% Rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but didn't lose about $200 million like Keanu Reeves' last film.  Speaking of which, why are you here?  You stopped Acting for awhile and you came back for stuff like this?  Did you really just want to turn 'Sad Keanu' into a film (like some have suggested)?  To find out (a little) more about this 'film,' read on...

The film begins with Keanu quietly driving two ladies back to their Apartment.  The tone is set properly as the duo have a discussion about whether to say 'shit' or 'shat.'

I already want to punch all of these people.  They're not villains, mind you- just annoying people.

You want to know what this movie is about?  It's about these people going places, looking forlorn and...that's pretty much it.

This isn't even a still frame- it's a GIF!

Seriously, I have nothing left to say about this crap.  I made it half an hour...but I'm pretty sure that nothing changes.

I have more important things to do with my life.  For example...

The Cleveland Show is on Netflix Streaming.  It is a funny show, as represented by this out-of-context shot.

So is Ultimate Spider-Man.  Did you know that there's an Episode Guest-Starring Bob's favorite Comic Book Character Deadpool?  There is.

Instead of pretending to care about Keanu Reeves' moping, enjoy this shot of the duo seemingly air-humping.  The End.

It's more like Generation Ugh...!  I don't have a problem with you making Arty Films.  I don't have a problem with you making pretentious bullshit (even if I call it pretentious bullshit).  What I have a problem with is making a non-movie as some sort of statement.  This film has no point.  It is apparently proud of that.  Why?  Seriously, I'm asking you a question!  Have a point!  I can say that the film is Acted well enough (for what little happens) and shot well.  If something of any note happened, I would give this a pass.  Since this is just some sort of experiment in wasting people's time, I can only respond with this message from my favorite Leprechaun...

Next up, a rare piece of TV History.  It's a unique film...and a giant, unintentional tease.  Stay tuned...

Lost in Translation: Deep Red (Bonus)

While looking for the Deep Red/Suspiria: Part 2 Cover Art online, I came across something extra.  I

t's not all that different, but it is something special...

This is the Soundtrack to Deep Red/Suspiria: Part 2...on Vinyl...from Japan.

I want this.

I really want this!

Fifth Anniversary Post: The Cabinet of Caligari (1962)

I say this alot, but it bears repeating: I really need a hobby!

It's roughly that time of the year again that I celebrate another gone by on the site.  I'm kind of vague with dates like that.  I'm sure that will cause lots of fun 'discussions' if and when I ever get married.  'Honey, our Anniversary is on the 8th and...it's the 16th, so I'm close.'  So what will we talk about today?  In previous years, I've discussed time-traveling warriors, confusing Remakes, compared two films and even dared to do a 1313 film!  So, in summary, there is no theme whatsoever.  Let's keep that up by reviewing an obscure Remake (kind of) of a film classic...whose real remake I've already talked about.  The film- The Cabinet of Caligari.  They excised the word 'Doctor' from the Title, though I have no idea why.  There is a 'Dr. Caligari' in the film, so go figure!  The big name attached to this film is Robert Bloch- the writer of Pyscho (the book)- here right after his biggest claim to fame.  I have a joke or two related to his work here, don't worry.  Fun Fact: Bloch is a Credited Writer on many films, including MST3K fare The Deadly Bees.  He also worked on films like Strait-Jacket, The House That Dripped Blood and a few others.  They're not all winners, you know.  The film is about a young(ish) lady who ends up at a mysterious House and is not allowed to leave!  Can she escape this mansion and Caligari?  Will the deranged residents help her?  Will I be the only one who draws parallels between this film and The Eagles' song 'Hotel California?'  To find out, read on...

A woman's car breaks down and she goes to use the phone at a nearby Mansion.  Even for 1962, this had to have been a creaky premise right?

The caretaker- Dr. Caligari- says that she cannot leave because she needs treatment.  Treatment?  She just needed to use the phone.

It's like the reverse of one of those Mormons that shows up at your door.  Instead of you letting him in, he lets YOU in and YOU then can't leave!

She can check out any time she likes, but she can ne-ver leave!

Too subtle?

At least the Guests/Patients are friendly.  Wasn't he Lucy's Neighbor Fred?

Dr. Caligari insists that she needs treatment.  Said treatments lead her to see freaky imagery lying the heads of people in bassinets and a man baking babies!

That seems weird, provided that you have never seen the kitchen at a Golden Corral!

She continues to struggle and try to leave.  She finds that there are dogs watching the perimeter.

Just for the record: if this turns into Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator, I'm leaving!

Our heroine finds one kindred spirit in a man who is willing to help her get away.  He really wants to help her, in fact, because...

He's actually Dr. Caligari!  Holy Plot Twist, Batman!

As it turns out, she's actually a Patient in his care.  The mean, bearded version was just her subconscious labeling him as a Villain since it was resisting the Therapy.

Just like The Wizard of Oz, everyone she saw in her fantasy world were from her real world.  On the plus side, she's finally cured.  The End.

Do all Classics hold up?  Not all of them, but this one is pretty good.  I will say no bad words about Robert Bloch's Writing.  I think it is actually illegal, but I would have to look that up.  The Story is pretty simple on paper, while obviously holding a deeper meaning in the end.  The movie doesn't do a whole lot that is all that new, but none of it is bad.  It's all good, so I can't complain.  You do have to bear in mind that the film was made 52 years ago, so it was far less cliche back then.  The film is a bit creaky- as mentioned above- in some ways.  Depending on your point of view, this can be a good thing or a bad thing.  Some of you love the Classics and don't like the changes that have been made.  Some of you have only watched films made in the last 20 years and think that black-and-white films are a relic of the past.  Regardless of your point of view, the film is a decent successor to the original 1920 Classic.  As of this Writing, I still prefer the Original film.  Will that change?  Maybe.  For fans of the Classics, give this one a look.  For the rest of you, I give a more measured recommendation.  In closing, leave it to Robert Bloch to put a woman in the bathroom somehow...

Next up, I reluctantly do my remaining Project Terrible film.  It is all angsty and shit, so I'm sure to love it.  Stay tuned...

Even After Five Years...: A Call For Help

***UPDATED TO ADD SOME FILMS THAT I FORGOT***

I feel like I only just started doing this.  It is then that I look at how many films I've reviewed and realize how wrong I am.

However, there are many more Films that have eluded by curious eye.  After all of this time, I still haven't seen many film oddities/gems.

If you know a good way to find these Films, feel free to Contact me via Twitter.  Bear in mind that I live in the United States, so what may be available for you, may not be for me.  Here are some of the Films...

1. Embodiment of Evil (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0923683/?ref_=nv_sr_1)- Carry this, Netflix!
2. Frankenstein '90 (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087289/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)- I love trashy Frankenstein films!
3. Evil- In The Time of Heroes (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1314242/)- I know that you're broke, Greece, but please import this still.
4. Freeway 2: Confessions of a Trickbaby (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0175536/?ref_=nv_sr_2)- Seen it once on Cable, but OOP on DVD with Netflix.
5. The Guinea Pig Series (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0161634/?ref_=nv_sr_1)- These famous films have continued to elude me.
6. Santo En El Tesoro De Dracula (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0208504/?ref_=nv_sr_1)- I've waited more than 5 years for an English DVD!
7. KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077788/?ref_=nv_sr_6)- They can't block this film forever...can they?
8. Zebraman 2: Attack of Zebra City (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1534568/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2)- Yes, rub it in, Maynard.
9. House of the Wolf Man (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1483768/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_3)- Why am I not allowed to see this?
10. The Masque of Red Death {1989} (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097844/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_47)- An obscure one that features Adrian Paul.  Speaking of which...
11. *The Other* The Masque of Red Death {1989} (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0179334/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_46)- There's also one starring Frank Stallone.  Sure to suck, but I want to see how much!
12. The Wasp Woman {1995} (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114896/)- Clips galore grace YouTube, but this Showtime remake eludes me.  I've seen others- like Bucket of Blood, Piranha and Humanoids from the Deep-, but not this one.

If you can help me out, I will be eternally-grateful.  Peace out!

UPDATE: I've crossed out the ones I've already seen and covered.

If you still stumble across this, the other ones are still open.

Holiday Re-Review: Leprechaun 4...In Space

I live for this kind of crazy shit!  I had to make a choice for this St. Patrick's Day.  I could do a new film- The Last Leprechaun- or revisit one of my favorite bat-shit insane sequels- Leprechaun 4: In Space.  Well, I watched about half an hour of the former and...I'm doing the latter.  It helps that I own the latter, by the way.  Yes, the only Leprechaun film I own is the one where he battles Space Marines, make a giant spider and kidnaps an alien Princess.  Are you surprised at all?  I didn't think so.  This is actually quite fitting for a lead-in to my Anniversary posts as I first reviewed this film back in 2009 (my first St. Patrick's Day review).  I feel old now.  For the uninitiated, let me give you an idea of what happens in the film.  The titular Leprechaun is attacked by (Space) Marines when he kidnaps a Princess and disrupts mining operations.  He doesn't take death lying down and comes back for revenge.  Plus, they did steal (and shrink) his gold.  Will he succeed?  Will he reclaim his would-be Bride?  Will this film (or any) fit into the continuity of the series?  To find out, read on...

The Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) is sitting pretty.  He's kidnapped a Princess to make her his Bride and is just generally being a nuisance for the Empire...or whoever is in charge.

Shockingly, Leprechaun 4 is light on back-story in regards to its Universe.  You should just accept that there is a Leprechaun in Space.  I know that I did.

They seemingly-kill the Leprechaun and return to their ship.  The big story is the Final Girl and the Obvious Lead Marine.  They have a familiar dynamic to anyone who has seen Space Mutiny.

Yes, they even have a scene in a tacky, futuristic Night Club together- just to really enforce the point.  Just for fun...

Their boss- aka the bad guy from Allo Allo- is a crazy Scientist who wants to keep the Princess around when he learns that her body has regenerative powers.  He's a bit weird.

The Leprechaun regenerates back on the Ship...by way of climbing out  one of the Marines when he has an erection.  Classy film, huh?

He makes all sorts of mischief, including going right to the the mad Doctor.  Of course, it is hard not to get past how cheaply put together this whole film is.  Just...just look at this shot, for example.

...or this one.

I should mention that the Doctor is mostly a torso and mostly a rip-off of Dr. Strangelove.  Things only get worse, however, as his 'restore my body' chemical is messed with by the Leprechaun and...

...he turns into a giant spider-mutant.  Of course- what else could have happened?

I won't SPOIL the crazy series of events that happens too much.  It is just too wacky for words.

I will say that they turn the Leprechaun into a giant though.

 Oh and they blow him up in a really-dated effect (even for 1998).  You just kind of have to see this shit.  The End.

I love this shit!  Yes, it is bad.  Yes, it is ridiculous.  Yes, it is a Horror film somehow turned into a Science-Fiction Comedy (that is not self-aware).  I know.  For crying out loud, it is called Leprechaun 4: In Space!  If they wanted you to take it seriously, then they were possibly the dumbest people in History!  So yeah, this film is utterly ridiculous and I love it for it.  Spider Mutant!  Leprechaun pretending to be a naked lady!  Giant Leprechaun!  Did I mention the Spider Mutant already?  Right.  If you like the ridiculous and weird, check this one out.  It can't be any worse than drinking a dozen Shamrock Shakes, right?  Take us away, possible Disney Lawsuit material...

Next up, I celebrate the kind-of, sort-of Anniversary of the site.  I do so with an obscure Remake of a Classic with a heavy literary pedigree behind it.  Stay tuned...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Apartment 1303 (Original)

It is time for random death- this time from Japan!

These are three young ladies that work as Maids at a Beach Bar.  Japan- gotta love it!

They get invited to a private party with some boys.  Said boys are renting out Apartment 1303 for Spring Break.

Since the wrong chromosomes are there, the ghost appears to kill.  Even though these girls didn't actually move in and the Sister that was there for a while wasn't attacked right away, it is going to...attack right away.

So yeah, they're dead.

You gotta love that effect, don't you?

It's real enough to be a little convincing, while silly enough to make me laugh a little.  Hehe.

They all fall.

The highlight of the falling is when one of them hits a branch near the ground and BOUNCES off of it.  Science!

They're all dead.  Amazingly, none of them managed to hit the Pool AND they hit on a pretty wide dispersal pattern.  Sure is some crazy wind in Japan.

So, here's the question: why are they Poor Bastards of Cinema?

Well, they didn't move in, but were killed by the ghost anyhow.  The boys that actually rented the place- they got away clean and lived.  They died just up the body count- that's all.

The lesson to take away: don't go to parties.  In case reality turns into a Horror Film, you will die.