Gamer Films: Halo Legends

A Halo goes round and round.  Today's film is Halo Legends, a film that I've put off watching for a long time.  Why?  Well, I can break it down into a series of facts.  One- I'm not a huge fan of the game series.  I've played them all to some extent, but I'm not really a 'fan' of it.  Second- I'm still not a huge Anime fan either.  Third- I liked Batman: Gotham Knight (which was a very similar concept), but wasn't 'in love' with it. I like Batman a hell of a lot better than I do Halo too.  So, having said all of that, what did I think about the film?  It's...got its moments.  I'm still not a huge fan of these Character/Series Anthology Films, be it this film, Knight or Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (creative title, huh?).  There's a place for those stories, but I prefer a film to have ONE story.  I'll take DC's more narrative films like Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths or Batman: Year One.  The film attempts to explain the back-story on the overall series in two parts, but mostly just tells random stories for the rest of it.  For a more complete break down, read on...

'Origins' tells the back-story on the series'...um, origins.  It's a lot of neat filler to explain who some aliens called Forerunners are.

If you want closure for this story, apparently you need to play Halo 4...maybe.

'The Duel' is a neat story of the Arbiter- a secondary lead from Halo 2 and on- fighting for honor.

The problem for me, however, is the weird Watercolor filter put on it.  It looks neat...for a few minutes.

'Homecoming' is a neat tale, but weirdly-schmaltzy.  The tone is really bleak here and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel.  I'm...confused by this one a bit.

'Odd One Out' is my favorite story tone-wise.  It's a mildly-goofy comedy tale about Spartan 1337- which is Leetspeak talk for 'LEET'- fighting a giant monkey-alien thing.

It's funny, but I was expecting something more like Red vs. Blue.  Oh well.

'Prototype' is a good segment for Action, but bad segment for emotional-writing.  There's sub-text so forced and blunt that it is pretty much just text-text.

As I said, good action though, even if it did remind me of Starship Troopers 3: Marauder.

'The Babysitter' is a decent little tale about Space Marines learning not to necessarily feel challenged by the Spartans.  Again, it beats you over the head with the emotional weight and just feels forced.  It's still not *bad* though.

'The Package' is the best part of this.  It's the most interesting-looking CG animation here.  It stands out for using 3-D modeling.

It's action-packed and worth seeing this film for.  It's the equivalent of the Tyrant fight from Damnation.  The End.

It's a mixed-bag with no real bad parts.  I liked this Anthology...but I'm not in love with it.  There's usually more of a connection in these Anthology films.  In Gotham Knight, it's a series of scenes set in mostly-chronological order.  In Emerald Knights, it's famous Lanterns telling their exploits as they prepare for the fight of their life.  In this film, it's just a bunch of Halo shorts.  Like I said, there are no bad parts.  The problem is that there is no Framing Device of any kind.  If you watched the first four shorts and got bored, there's no story element to keep you watching.  It's almost like it was made to be sold together and then immediately separated.  I guess that's okay, but this is generally presented as a 'film.'  I'm nitpicking a bit, but I can't be the only one to have this problem.  If you like the franchise, you'll have more of a connection to the individual tales.  If you're a fan of the individual Anime Studios, you'll like seeing their work.  If you fit into neither category, you'll be of a more mixed opinion like I was.  It does give us this great shot though...

Next up, I give thanks by watching something bad.  Have fun diagnosing that logic while you stuff your face with Turducken!  Stay tuned...

Gamer Films: Resident Evil- Damnation

Seriously, these are better without Milla Jovovich.  Today's film is Resident Evil: Damnation.  If you just view this film on its own, it's simple to understand.  If you view it as part of a bigger narrative, things get a bit confusing.  It's a sequel- sort of- to Resident Evil: Degeneration.  I say that since it shares the same lead and has zombies in it.  That said, the character of Leon Kennedy also appears in the games.  Further muddying the waters is the fact that Degeneration appeared to exist outside of game continuity, while this game is basically a prequel to Resident Evil 6 (the game, not the upcoming *sigh* film).  The film utilizes a unique idea...provided that you don't know about Return of the Living Dead 3, 4 or 5.  Our hero goes to a vague European country to stop a Civil War involving one side using the undead as weapons.  This creates another departure from the regular series continuity, but it will make sense in the long run.  To find out whether this tie-in film is worth your time, read on...

A vague European country is involved in a Civil War.  Our hero is called in...but then instantly called out.

Kind of a weird way to begin a film, but alright.

When he arrives, he finds that zombies and other Umbrella creatures- mainly Lickers- are being used as weapons.  Even worse- they can be controlled.

As he learns, there are new Zombies here as well.  Some of them are intelligent and can use guns.

This is a build-up to Resident Evil 6.  Interesting idea, but it leads to some very polarizing opinions.  I'll leave that debate to actual Resident Evil fans though.

The crux of the story involves the President of Not-Properly-Named-istan working with series regular Aida Wong to get her own bio weapons.  She's Euopean, of course, so she can't be trusted.

Leon, meanwhile, continues to work both with and against the Rebels.  It's a bit confusing, especially when both sides use zombies/monsters as weapons.  Unfortunately...

The President has the baddest ones available- Tyrants.  Their big move- crushing heads.

Oh and they're nigh indestructible.

I won't SPOIL this big action scene from the end.  If you're at all interested in seeing this film, I recommend it just for this scene!  It's that awesome.

Even if our hero manages to survive this epic battle, can he end the war?  Can he save those he cares about?

Oh and Ada gives the new C-Virus to...someone.  It's one of those 'more will be explained later' scenes like in Amazing Spider-Man.  In this case, you have to play Resident Evil 6.  Joy.  The End.

A Zombie film with brains- interesting.  The story is interesting, even if it seems incomplete.  It feels like they either want you to wait for another film...or just want you to play Resident Evil 6.  It's funny that they do this, given the live-action film's penchants for saying 'See the next movie!'  Seriously, watch the ending to the last film and try not to feel that way.  That said, I did like the story that they presented.  If you were unaware of the game, you could get a pretty good experience here.  I just wish that the whole thing wasn't a long-form teaser for the game.  The only other problem here is the lack of explanation.  Basically, they just assume that you've played the games and/or seen the movies.  They don't even give an ancillary explanation for the Lickers, Tyrants or anything.  If you don't know the back-story on these creatures, you're SOL.  Aside from those complaints, this is a good action-adventure film.  The CG is amazingly-lifelike and you get used to it pretty quickly.  If you want to nit pick the film any more than me, the Tyrant has a reply for you...

Up next, an anthology film for a first-person shooter game franchise.  It's a random hodge-podge of stories...that are kind of good.  Stay tuned...

Gamer Films: Dragon Age- Rise of the Seeker

I'm going to pretend that this is just based on the one game in the series that I like.  Today's film is Dragon Age: Rise of the Seeker.  It's a new film, which kind of confuses me.  Most of the films I'm going to cover here are releases designed to coincide with a new game release (i.e. tomorrow's Resident Evil film).  This film is about a year late to be for the last game and a couple more to be based on the original.  The story, however, is much closer to the original game.  I r confused.  On the plus side, it's based on the game I like.  Given how complex the back-story of the game is, I was concerned that it would be either too simple or too dense.  How did they do?  To find out, read on...

The story is a bit complicated.  There is a strict Church group and there are Mages, which are feared and controlled.  It's all very deep at times.

Instead of lingering on that, here's the title line...

The villains are a cabal of Blood Mages, magic-users that use blood for their spells.  The villains are using an Elf girl for something, but...

...our heroine arrives with a group of Templars.  She makes short work of them, but the main villain escapes.

It's also at this point that you realize that this movie is going to be bloody.  It's not kid's stuff!

Things take a turn, however, as our heroine goes along with her mentor on a mission that seems to go against her beliefs.  Oh and that guy who was obviously going to die...well, he dies.

Our heroine- who hates Mages- is forced to team up with a Mage to save the day.  This leads to the film's one odd omission.

The original game is all about the Blight and their threat.  They show up here...in one scene...as lackies.  There's Fan Service and then there's silliness.

As we learn, our heroine has a tragic back-story involving Mages, which explains her prejudice.

That's nice. Want to go save the kingdom from an army of Dragons now?

I won't SPOIL the entire finale, but I will say that things don't exactly go well at first...

 In true video-game fashion, the Boss gets beaten...but then transforms into a new form.  This is actually a neat-looking finale and quite epic, so I won't SPOIL that either.

I will say that the film sets up sequel-bait.  Is this for a game or a film?  The End.

Dragons are always cool- Asylum films aside.  In all honesty, I didn't know what to expect with this film.  For one, I didn't even know that it existed.  Second, I was unsure as to which game they would make into a film.  If you don't know, Dragon Age 2- as an Electronic Arts sequel- changed a lot of things, including the leads and the location in which it was set.  Thankfully, this was based a lot more on the first game.  Regardless of how you feel about the games, the film tells a good- albeit safe- story.  The characters start out one way and go through a nice little journey of change.  As a whole, the thing feels nicely-paced and has some good action.  Some of the plot twists- which I won't SPOIL- were pretty obvious though (at least to me).  They don't do too much to really break the mold- as one might say- but it's a good story nonetheless.  It probably won't blow you away, but it's a solid, action-adventure tale that stands on its own and alongside the series.  While I yearn for a good game to come in the series, I leave you with this one shot to entice you to see the finale...

Next up, the sequel to a Resident Evil animated film that was decent.  On the plus side, there's no Milla Jovovich in sight!  Stay tuned...

A Dream of Non-Crappy Films

*****I apologize for Re-Posting this, but I deleted it in Haste.  My bad.*****

After a week of films that may or may not have been Terrible, I wanted to write a little something on good films.  I won't review one, mind you, but I will talk about ones that I want to happen.

Given how cynical/realistic I am, I will also wager a guess as to how my dreams will die horribly as well.  Enjoy.

1. A New Blind Dead Movie

I Want...a film produced with a big budget (not huge, mind you), a good Cast and talented people behind it. Make it a rehash- I don't care.

I Will Get...Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes.

2. An Updated Demons Film

I Want...a new version of the tale, complete with modern effects (not all CG please) and set in the modern day.  You could play with the idea that everyone now has DVD/Blu-Ray players and make it bigger in scale too.  Again- it could be a rehash.  Given how under-the-radar the original two are, I could accept that.

I Will Get...a bunch of teen stars, CG Demons and...probably Michael Bay again.

3. A New *Good* Jaws Film

I Want...a modern film good enough to erase bad memories of Jaws 3-D and Jaws: The Revenge.  I'd love Spielberg to come back...but I don't know how feasible that is.  To have him come back forty-years later and having learned his lessons about what to do and what not to would be a great story.

I Will Get...more Asylum films.  Worst Case Scenario is still the Re-Animated pair of Joe D'Amato and Bruno Mattei making a film for $50 though.

4. A Horror/Sci-Fi Crossover That Doesn't Disappoint

I Want...something that works with both stories, could work on its own (just provide the necessary origins) and does not disappoint.  Whether it's Aliens vs. Zombies, Predator vs. Jason, Godzilla vs. Mega-Shark or (my favorite) Leprechaun vs. Candyman, I want something.  Probably not any of those I just mentioned though.

I Will Get...more of the same old crap.  If any major one gets made, they'll find some way to screw it up (see Jason's sudden water-phobia)

So that's a taste of what I want.  Do you have some dream films that you want to suggest?  If so, leave a comment...

Project Terrible 8: Haunted Poland

Austria protects and Austria attacks.  In this case, it's the latter.  In my final Project Terrible review, I have to review Haunted Poland.  Thanks, Maynard!  Remember how I said that The New York Centerfold Massacre barely-qualified as a film?  Well, this is worse.  Essentially, two folks wanted to be filmmakers (and still do apparently) and came up with a crazy plan.  Instead of working their way up the ladder normally, they decided to film their vacation...and make it a film.  No, really.  To be fair...actually, there's not much I can say here.  You wanted to make an experimental film- fine.  The problem is that you didn't make a film- you just tried to add a plot to your vacation.  Imagine if I filmed myself going to Publix, but decided to talk over it and make it into a story about me buying supplies for, say, a zombie invasion.  Would you watch that movie?  No, right?  I don't want to seem like I'm attacking someone for trying something new...but you did make a bad found-footage movie with more shaky cam than Cloverfield.  Be glad that you didn't get this one, Bob!  To see what little plot this thing has, read on...

Our heroes are a couple going to Poland to visit the girlfriend's family.  Thrilling buying Pastries in the Airport action!

They wander around and see the sights.  Their tourism flies off of the silver screen!

In an attempt to set up some sort of plot, they wander near a 'haunted house,' but leave.  Thank God- something almost happened!

Hmm...maybe if they wander around the Woods something will happen.

I guess if you count people wandering around an old building with shaky cam to be action, then this movie is a thrill a minute!

To create suspense, they blatantly steal both the 'guy staring in the corner' bit from Blair Witch and the 'Boo face shots' from Paranormal Activity & smash them together.

It works in a quickly-Edited shot...so here's a still-frame of it.

It's rare that a movie sums up my feelings about it so well.  Thanks, Haunted Poland.

After more tedium, our heroine collapses at a family gathering- hopefully you told your Mom before you did this- and doesn't feel well.  What does this mean?

Apparently he was possessed or something.  She runs- thanks for the P.O.V. running- and passes on the spirit to our hero...or something.  You stole this ending from a film (which I won't say).  Joy.  The End.

Just a thought: actually make a movie.  Seriously, I don't hate people for trying something new.  I do hate them a little for doing it so badly though.  I kid, I kid.  If you like horror films, this is not one.  It has brief glimmers of one- albeit a generic one- which is a sign of hope.  As a whole, this film suffers from all of the usual Found Footage cliches.  As a bonus, it finds some new ones.  Since this is a non-professional effort, there appears to be very little of the Behind the Scenes stuff like Sound Editing and the like that you expect.  If you have good Sound Editing, you don't ever talk about the Sound Editing.  If you make a bad movie, you're Waiting for the Giants.  The camera work is also an issue as it's even worse than such Found Footage movies as The Devil Inside Her.  Hell, the camera work in Monster is better than this.  That's the problem: it has to be judged as a real film.  It's not.  However, everything about it requires this, making it look inferior as a result.  If you want to make a film resume, do it.  If you want to make a movie, do that.  Here's my main issue summed up in one shot...

Next up, a week of video-game tie in movies.  First up, an Action-RPG that I like gets a movie to promote, um, something.  Stay tuned...

Project Terrible 8: Message From Space

I don't know if it's Terrible, but it certainly is weird.  Today's film is Message from Space, a film givene to me for this series.  In a way, I'm happy.  I've put off watching this movie for a long time...but I don't know why.  It's probably because I was so spoiled by Turkish Star Wars.  Regardless, I finally watched it and...it's certainly got problems.  Aside from the often-horrible Dubbing, the plot meanders quite a bit in spite of a story that should have some urgency.  A lot of other problems come up- many of which are due to its age- but I'll make sure to address them later on.  What you need to know is that this film is made up of 99% Japanese Actors/Actresses, one lady I've never heard of before and Vic Morrow.  I'll do my best to avoid any helicopter jokes- honest.  The movie is a crazy mess.  In other words, it's right up my alley!  To find out more, read on...

A bunch of 'hippie aliens' are oppressed by The Empire...I mean, Evil Space Samurais.  Their answer: send out space seeds to find heroes.

Right.  Good luck with that.

 The film takes a while to, you know, set up the whole 'heroes save the day' story.  In the meantime, this...

Random Fact: Chris Isaak is in this film's version of the Cantina Scene.  Weird, right?  What the hell was he doing in Japan in the '70s?!?

Check out these Bartenders too.  Did they predict the look of Matt Smith's Doctor or is this just a coincidence?  Weird.

After a lot of padding and meandering, our Leia substitute meets up with our heroes- who I guess are C3-P0 and...someone else.  Great- forward momentum.

Nah.  Instead of that, our heroes sell Not Leia to a crazy woman and her Lizardman son.  No, really.

They, in turn, are killed by the Not Empire, making our heroes the secondary villains of the film.  Ugh.

The Empire is on the move, as they launch the Death Star...I mean, the entire planet to attack the Earth.  Cue the ship panning over-the-camera shot...for the fifth time.

Our heroes FINALLY get off their asses and do something.  As a bonus, they pick up Sonny Chiba here to be Luke Skywalker...I mean, an entirely-original character.

The battle is fierce.  Many model ships are destroyed.  Many Extras are killed.  In The End, our heroes destroy The Death-Planet by, well, you know exactly how they do it.

They all fly off to find a new home planet- since they blew up their old one- and live happily ever after.  Well, except for Vic Morrow.  The End.

In space, nobody can hear you sit around and not do anything.  Seriously, the biggest problem here is the Pacing.  Our heroes are anti-heroes in that they don't seem to have the drive for it.  That's fine.  It sets up the whole Hero's Journey and what not.  Unfortunately, they draw this out too long to make the film nearly reach the two-hour mark.  How about you just cut some of this stuff and just make the film less tedious.  Aside from that, it's goofy fun.  This film is one Editor short of being a real Cult Classic.  Mind you, a lot of people still consider it to be so...but whatever.  The story is blatantly trying to be Star Wars...but that's okay.  Turkish Star Wars just rear-projected Episode IV footage for F/X shots, so the bar is set pretty low.  Pacing aside, I enjoyed this silly, piece of crap movie.  Take us away, clear slope into the Uncanny Valley...

Up next, a film that's not really a film.  I'd blame Austria, but it's actually from Poland.  Stay tuned...