Back in 2016, I had a decent enough copy and was okay at writing these.
In 2026, I have an HD Copy and am hopefully a bit better at writing these.
As such, let's look back at Jaws of Satan, a 1981 Film that was a bit late on the big Film trends of the 1970s.
Killer Animals!
Films about Satan!
As the Meme goes, why not both?
The Plot involves Satan coming to a small Town as a snake to kill a Priest. You'd think he'd be busy keeping the Public Domain Horror trend alive, but whatever!
Like many bad things, it comes to us from a guy named Bob.
Mr. Claver was a Director for lots of forgotten TV Shows like Here Comes the Bride to respected stuff like The Bob Newhart Show to the cheesiest of 80s Shows like Small Wonder and BOTH Shows where the Lead is an Alien Teen (Out of This World and The Powers of Matthew Star).
Somewhere in the middle of all that, he made this Film.
Is it better than I remembered now that I can see Fritz Weaver's pores? To find out, read on...
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| This still has the original Title. |
On a train, a killer snake breaks free of a chest...somehow (it apparently pushes open the lid via magic) and kills the two people on board.
We immediately saw how you do these Scenes in the late '70s- you put a snake behind a plate of glass.
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| Note the guy's reflection. |
This is a Jaws Film in a new skin (which it doesn't shed).
As such, we have the corrupt Mayor who will ignore the problems due to opening a Dog Track.
This guy's name would have been a funnier joke a few years back.
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| Nobody told me life was going to be this way. |
At a Party, this Psychic lady warns the Priest (Weaving) about a danger facing him.
The snake is looming, since it is way scarier as an ominous shadow.
Said woman is killed off camera for dramatic effect as the Mayor tries to hide the bodies from study.
Maybe we should take it seriously now.
A Snake Expert (a la Hooper) arrives and he does help out, but can only do so much.
Weaver's Mon Signor warns him of some sort of family danger involving Druids (no, really) and Satan.
The snake chases him, only fleeing when he presents a cross.
A Meeting where they get the Town together to deal with the threat.
It's not an official piece of Jaws Bingo, but it is a key one.
In my previous Review, I joked about this random guy attacking the Lady Scientist was random filler, but...actually, it's not.
The snake scares him off and then we see the Mayor complaining about how 'he' failed.
Imagine if the Mayor in Jaws hired a hitman to kill Brody!
The Film is more famous for being the Film debut of Christina Applegate.
She plays the Mayor's Daughter (and her Mom is her Mom here) and eventually ends up being bitten (but survives).
The Dog Track Plot ends with her attack, by the way, and that's it.
It all ends with the Lady, the Expert and the Priest (this Fall on CBS) in a cave with the Satan Snake.
Weaving says his prayers and the snake is lit aflame!
I was expecting it to explode or something else to happen, but...no.
Let's just leave, shall we?
Okay. The End.
It's fun in a silly way and it works because it is treated so seriously.
The Films is kind of a glorious mess. It is about Satan. It is about Snakes. It is clearly just a re-skinned version of Jaws.
Credit where credit is due, the Actors do as good of a job with this as you possibly can. This is absolutely a candidate for private riffing or a Rifftrax Feature.
I didn't even mention how they used every angle to imply that you would see the Lady naked, but you never do. It's so sleazy and hilarious.
The snake looks good in still form, but they always use the glass plate trick (as they should). That said, the thing also doesn't appear to have fangs at all, so...huh?
It's all very silly and I don't hate it. The 4.0 score on IMDB seems a bit low, if you ask me.
That said, Mr. Claver only did one Feature Film, so...
This might be a recurring thing, so, for now at least, enjoy how well this Film scores...
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| It 'explodes into flames,' so does that count? |
Next up, a random Film from my recent collecting of out of print Films. Which one is next? Stay tuned...
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