Another attempt at an IP comes to Netflix...and I finally see it. Yes, I couldn't even be bothered to shell out $2 from Redbox for this one.
Will it suck or...um...I'll think of a better joke later. This is...
Just like the last one of these I watched- Uncharted- it's just a Flash Forward- only they never cut back to this Scene.
Joy.
In the, I guess, past, Morbius is a smart young man with a rare blood disorder- never named- that fixes one machine and is INSTANTLY set on a montage to be the greatest Doctor ever.
No hyperbole- he saves more people than that a-hole who created Penicillin?
Can you ever cure himself?
Of course, he can. Using the trademark Spider-Man villain logic, he injects himself with (Insert Animal DNA) to cure himself.
Just like The Lizard, he's transformed, only he's now a Vampire.
He's super-strong, feeds on humans and does a genuinely-dumb-looking slow-mo/travel effect that they are going to do ALL FILM. Double joy.
He's a Superhero (Anti-Hero, I guess), so we need one shot of him shirtless.
It's the Personal Trainer Clause in the Contracts.
They really control the World- not the Illuminati!
Oh and, in case this is your first Film, you'll be shocked to learn that his best friend that suffers from the same rare affliction he has ends up becoming the bad guy.
I know that a 'Mirror Image Villain' is a new concept, well besides the one in Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Iron Man 3, Daredevil, Swamp Thing, Captain America, Man of Steel, Every Season of The Flash, Black Panther, The Incredible Hulk, Jessica Jones, Ant-Man, Howard the Duck, Green Lantern, Iron Fist, Luke Cage, Venom, Venom: Let There Be Carnage, Doctor Strange, The Fantastic Four, The Shadow and the X-Men Films.
Spot which one I made up, kids!
Can the Doctor control his Vampire side?
Can the Film stop doing the morphing effect on his face every few minutes?
Will the Film act like he's heroic after he just killed 8 people, since he feels bad about it?
To find out, stream the Film now.
Big money, time and effort went into this one- is that a shame? Well, to be honest, it doesn't suck- at least not completely.
Does the Film turn out to be really stock? Yes. Does almost all of the Spider-Man stuff we saw in the Trailers end up cut? Pretty much yes. He reads the Daily Bugle- once- but that's basically it. They do make a vague reference to Venom (or its Sequel?) though. I'm sure that bring Kraven the Hunter into this will turn things around!
Positives- Leto commits to the physicality of the role and *some* of his attempts at humor work. I like the Morbius look as a whole. They reference F.W. Murnau, which is a deep cut. The Supporting Cast, when they cut time, is fine.
Negatives- too much facial morphing (it's like a kid playing with his toy), the Morbius flying/floating VFX makes it hard to follow (purple streaks everywhere!), some of Leto's humor doesn't work (or was cut to hell) and the Plot is just too predictable. They also waste Jared Harris here, which should be a crime.
The Film also offers a strange and daring Post-to-Mid-Credits tease that sure is random and likely to mean little. Seriously, they kept one bit of Spider-Man tease in there and it's the most convoluted one. The Writing was just on the wall here...
An original Movie is probably buried somewhere in the raw footage before all of the Sony cutting/tweaking. The final product is just 'meh' at best and silly at worst.
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