Rare Flix: Terror at London Bridge! (aka Bridge Across Time)

A thank you to Obscurus Lupa for bringing this Movie into my life!  This is 1985's Terror at London Bridge, an NBC Movie-of-the-Week.  Why is it worth resurrecting after 30+ years?  Well, first things first- its Star is David Hasselhoff.  I could end the hype right there...but I won't.  The Plot is bonkers.  So, follow me here, you know Jack the Ripper.  Did you know that he was actually killed in 1888?  Yep, he sure was and it happened at London Bridge.  Nearly 100 years later, a magic effect brings him back...in Arizona.  So this requires a quick history lesson for those not informed on the comings and goings of famous Bridges.  In 1962, the Bridge was deemed 'not safe enough for travel.'  So, naturally, a rich guy in Arizona bought the Bridge for his 'City of London' by Lake Havasu.  That brings us to 1985 and the return of Saucy Jack at the same Bridge.  Can the Hoff stop the Ripper?  Can you get enough '80s hair?  Can you stop laughing at the premise?  To find out, read on...

In 1888, Jack is chased by a mob (after tossing a man like he's Andre the Giant) and shot, falling to his death from the London Bridge, loosing a stone in the process.

In the Present Day (of 1985), the final brick is restored and this lady bleeds on it (after somehow grazing a piece of a scaffold), which brings Jack back to life.

Of course, it is not clear why it brings him back in way shape or form, so...um...moving on...

When the body is found, the Mayor won't close the Beach...I mean, the Village and blames it on a transient.  Enter the Hoff to smolder him into doing the right thing!

At the same time, this man shows up and is properly-creepy...and also British.

His name should be Red Herring, but it is probably more like Spotted Dick.

In the B-Plot, Current and future Detective Hasselhoff is courting the lady who runs a Boat Service.

In a bit that was possibly-stolen by Die Hard, his backstory involves him killing a kid.  Break out that Emmy, dammit!

As the killings increase and time passes in a vague manner (seriously, the Film takes place over like 2 months with no time cards), Hoff makes his big thesis- the killer is the real Jack.

To the Film's credit, nobody accepts his logic (even if he's right).  Touché, Film.

Shockingly, the guy who was also British and wasn't a fake evil guy is actually Jack.  He needs to kill one more person to make the stone send him...back to England.

First off, huh?!?!?
Second, they know you are the killer, so why would you go back?!?
Third, you already killed a Guard.  Why not use his blood?

Hoff fights Jack and loses pretty soundly the first time.  He takes Hoff's girlfriend up to kill her, but Hoff returns.

For some reason, he decides to toss him over the side of Bridge like it is the Royal Rumble Match!

Of course, Hoff hangs on (but doesn't skin the cat) and shoots Jack, getting over his fear of shooting.

The Movie goes full circle with Jack falling to his death...again and taking the brick too.  Sequel Bait?  The End.

A fun, silly affair.  To be fair to the Film right off the bat, it plays things straight.  Thank Xenu they do too, since the Movie is all the funnier for it!  The Setting- Arizona Tourist Trap- is not rife for Horror or Thrills.  They try to manufacture it by having a 'House of Horrors' Gift Shop, but that's obviously not enough.  The Story is silly as hell.  Why involve Magic?  Why involve Time Travel?  There are a number of ways to make a good, but forgettable Film based on the London Bridge in Arizona...if one is so inclined.  In the short term, that would have been better.  Granted- it worked out well in the long term, since it inspired someone to Review it in 2020 and then inspired me to rip them off by also covering it to.  In my defense, Obscurus Lupa indirectly led me to Roller Gator, so she earned this!  The Film is super cheesy and clearly confined by the setting.  It is a nice travelogue for the place, I suppose, but the Film just lacks atmosphere.  They have to constantly cheat to not show you stuff that would ruin the tension even more, which is kind of funny.  If you can get past the silly Plot, they play it straight enough to enjoy as good old, American now that we bought it cheese.  Case in point: Jack stalks the Funeral for one victim (which takes place in broad daylight on a Golf Course!) and...nobody sees him.  I mean...really?!?

Next up, I need to do some more stuff about women.  How about this Movie about a Witch that isn't spelled with two 'Vs' for some reason?  Stay tuned...