New Seagal Crap?: A Good Man (2014)

Oh Seagal, even your 'best' is still pretty much shit.  Today's film is A Good Man, a 2014 DTV Action Film Starring Steven Seagal- yes, this is a thing!  So, if you are new to this kind of stuff (aka any Seagal film made after 2002), here is a quick rundown on what to expect.  Voice Dubbing- since Seagal is usually too lazy/busy to do ADR/Voice-Over.  Stunt Doubles.  Body Doubles.  No, not for Nudity (thank God!), but for things like walking to/from doors and such.  You also get the Impervious/Infallible Seagal Trope as our hero is never caught off-guard or nor is he ever in danger.  Drama- what's that?!?  A more recent addition has been the blatant addition of a younger, more fit Star to do the heavy-lifting (no pun intended), as opposed to just Editing the fights to make them look better.  On the plus side, Seagal is doing *some* more work now, but it is not all that great.  This film gives us Victor Webster from The Scorpion King 3 (and 4!) to do the more active stuff.  The plot involves Seagal as, you guessed it, an ex-Special Forces Agent who gets involved with the Russian mob in...Eastern Europe.  No Country or City listed- just a big, vague area of land.  To find out what's better and worse here, read on...

On a mission in Dermastan (is that real place, Internet?), Seagal and...one other guy try to take out two bad guys.  They get one, but...

...a drone blows up the building, killing one girl...even though she was right next to Seagal when the explosion hit and he was fine.  Seagal powers!

Oh and Seagal carries a Wakizashi (or small Japanese companion sword to a Katana) with him.  Why again?

2 Years Later in...sigh Eastern Europe, Seagal is working as a handyman while Webster and his sister (who has an accent, while he never tries one) work for a Mobster (to pay off their dead dad's debt).

The man behind it all is...Ambassador Han from Rush Hour?

It will come to no surprise that Seagal is killing the Mobsters.  They treat it like a mystery, but...really now, who else could it be?  The killer has a perfect record, kills with a blade and uses a sword.

For no good reason, the Mobsters blame Webster's character and try to kill him.  Well, NOW he's going to betray you- dumbass.  On the plus side, his fights are back and forth & feature good choreography.

On the other hand...

They do weird stuff like randomly have him impersonate Tony Jaa for this bit.  It just feels weird.

Since the film is so new, I won't SPOIL too much more.  I will show you Webster pulling out a Suplex (really?), making this the second time I've seen this out-of-place move since 12 Rounds 2 last year (which at least starred a Wrestler).

Who will live?  Who will die?  Will Seagal save the day and get the girl?

Okay, that last one was a gimme, right Seagal?  The End.

Is it the best of Seagal's recent works?  Is that a poor scale for reviewing films?  As just a normal film, it has minimal Plot, so-so Acting and purely-average Production Values.  As a Seagal film, it is...alright.  The Plot is kind of a silly mess involving Arab Terrorists in the beginning, Russian Mobsters in the middle and then a Chinese Triad Boss for the end (plus an Italian creep for a bonus).  Seagal is the only connection here, since he fought one in the beginning, killed more in the middle and finally battles the last guy in the finale.  In between, you have a Spec Ops Partner who disappears after the Intro, a Canadian-European villain/hero and two pieces of pathos (the sister and her daughter).  The rest of the Story is just Seagal and/or Webster fighting people for random reasons.  If you go into a film like this for the Plot, you're going to be let down.  If you go into it for Action, you will get a bunch of that.  On the Seagal side, they are one-sided Akido beatdowns where the poor European Stunt Men have to flip and flail while Seagal vaguely tugs at their wrists/arms.  For Webster, we get actual fights that are interesting and dynamic.  The only issue with his fights are the silly parts- like the aforementioned Flying Knee, Suplex and (really) a Chokeslam.  If the film was Starring Webster and a more competent Action Star (like Van Damme), it would be much easier to recommend.  As it is, you have to get pat the fast, silly spectre of Seagal's waistline, neck-covering bandana and jowl-concealing goatee.  As a bonus, I got a goofy shot from their own Making Of Documentary.  Good one, guys!  Here is Seagal, Master of Not Learning His Lines...

Next up, I cover one of the more infamous film flops of the last thirty years.  While Marvel is making all sorts of bank, see how they managed to make Lucas lose his shirt!  Stay tuned...