Thursday, September 18, 2014

Boll-shit?: Suddenly (2013)

Ah, Uwe Boll- is there something you can't ruin.  Today's film is Suddenly, which is somewhat of a Remake of a 1954 film.  In that film, the villain is played by Frank Sinatra.  In Boll's film, the villain is played by Dominic Purcell.  See a problem yet?  The film tells the tale of a group of homegrown terrorists (all white, for a change) that seek to kill the President.  Their plan hinges upon a nearby house that they can shoot him from.  The only one that can stop them is a drunk Cop (Ray Liotta- aw!) with a secret in his past.  Shot on the cheap in Canada, this film is chock full of Boll 'day-players,' but not Boll himself.  I'm sure if he could have found a way to appear in black-face or as Hitler, he would have.  The reason I'm even doing this is because Bob's Parents watched this on their own (they learned their lesson) and wanted to know who I, a connoisseur of bad movies thought of it.  Well, I saw it (obviously), so let's just jump right in...
Liotta is a Cop/The Town Drunk and...can we just address that one?  How bad off is your town if you are paying this guy to carry a gun in your town?!?

Then again, this film has a Cast of about 15 people, so I guess that beggars can't be choosers.
In the main Plot, this small town is getting a visit from The President of the United States.  He's there to visit their...Hunting Lodge?  That's what Barack Obama is known for- HUNTING!

So yeah, they have to prepare.
Meanwhile, some militant guys show up dressed as Secret Service Agents and take over a house that is apparently close enough to shoot into the center of town from.

Look- I know it is part of the Plot, but how close could this house be?  Do you have guns that can fire accurately for well over 1,000 yards (through a Forest)?!?
Just for fun, let me highlight an earlier scene where the lead Actress' kid is shown hiding some fireworks in the Woods.  I mention it because, despite showing us the exact place that he hides it...and how he re-covers it...THIS HAS NO PAYOFF!!!!
While nothing offensive or really stupid happens, the movie is just *yawn* so damn boring.

I think Dominic Purcell's attempt at being stoic and serious says it all.
In fact, let me just remind you of how Boll put Suddenly Co-Star Brendan Fletcher in Blackface in Blubberella.  Good, I can't finish that sentence.
Since the film is so recent, I won't SPOIL the ending for you.  I will show you a real black man- just for contrast.  The End.
Damn, this one was boring.  So what is it about Uwe Boll?  What kind of film is he aiming for?  It can't be a good one, can it?  He's made bad movies (In the Name of the King, Bloodrayne, In the Name of the King 2), really bad films (Blubberella, PostalHouse of the Dead {either Version}) and just really dull ones (In the Name of the King 3Bloodrayne 2, this one).  The best thing I've heard about his work is that he has made a decent film (according to Bob and/or Maynard).  Is that it?  Alright then.  Suddenly is a film with a good premise (good enough to be made 60 years ago), but the execution just sucks.  Nothing outrageous happens.  Nothing funny really happens.  Nothing all that exciting really happens.  I know that there is supposed to be thrills and drama, but there is not.  To make up for it, the Musical Score *tells* us what the Scenes are supposed to illicit emotionally.  That is good Writing, folks!  Seriously though, this Score is very, very insistent.  I will say that some of the Acting is good, provided that they don't underplay Scenes too much.  I'm still not sure whether Dominic Purcell likes working with Uwe Boll.  He has appeared in quite a few now, so he must...right.  I question it because he has seemed to be permanently bored out of his mind in the two films I've seen them work together on (this one and In the Name of the King 3).  Is that his thing?  Either way, he's no Sinatra.  Do I need to watch the original film?  It inspired Lee Harvey Oswald (allegedly), so who knows what it will inspire me to do?  I can say one thing: it won't make me want to watch this nap-inspiring film again.
Next up, the king of Fat-Kido returns with a new film.  Naturally, he's a former Special Agent who fights the Russian Mob...again.  Stay tuned...

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