O.F.A.R.: The Gardener/Wild Zero

O.F.A.R.
Obscure For A Reason

Do you ever wonder why someone like me reviews a movie and you have never heard of it? I sure do. This is why...

MOST OF THEM SUCK!

There are some real gems out there like "Ricky-Oh" and "Duel to the Death," but may are just bad! Here are a couple cases for you in what may end up being a recurring segment.

1. The Gardener: I just saw this the other day, so the soil is still fresh here. Joe Dallesandro- of "Flesh for Frankenstein" and "Trash" fame- stars as a mysterious, buff gardener who is hired by a rich yuppie lady. He does a great job, but the husband gets jealous. Eventually, the woman begins to look into the man's past and find some questionable things. 

 After her friend is killed by loosely-hanging foliage, she confronts him and burns his body down after it sort of turns into a tree. NOTHING happens for 83 minutes. We get a cheap kill scene at the beginning and nothing for another 70+ minutes. 

 The payoff is not worth it. 

 Don't let a good DVD menu and presentation fool you.

2. Wild Zero: This all the makings of a great film and no results to show for it. As a zombie plague breaks out in the Japanese boonies, the band Wolf- featuring Drum Wolf, Guitar Wolf and Bass Wolf- come into town. 

 They play second-fiddle to the young hero and his conflicted relationship with his lady pal. The lady, it seems, is actually a man. He actually has a hard time making up his mind. Eventually, the group battles the aliens behind the outbreak and the day is saved. This movie tries to get by solely on characters' posturing and posing but fails. 

 The band does nothing but look around and comb their hair. There is a pay-off in the end, but it is too little, too late. Despite what you may think, just don't bother here.

That's just a taste. More coming down the pipe, people!