New(er) Flix: Escape Plan 2- Hades

 It's a big leap from a Prison to the Greek Underworld!  Oh...I see.

This is Escape Plan 2: Hades, a DTV Sequel that looks similar...at first.  There's no Arnold this time, but you have Bautista in his place.  Fair trade these days, honestly.  So why is this Direct-to-Video?

Well, as you'll see, this isn't so much a Film that is STARRING them as it is a Film that is *Starring* about 10 other people and they show up once or twice.  The pair only share, fittingly enough, a pair of Scenes.

The Plot involves another secret Prison only- as noted- the main Prisoner(s) is not Sly. 
Does the Film work with him doing about 1/3 of his role just through Voice-Over? 
Can a completely-different Cast of people have the same affect?
Why did he call it 'TRULY THE MOST HORRIBLY PRODUCED FILM I ever had the misfortune to be in?!?'

To find out, read on...

A bunch of guys we've never met- including Huang Xiaming and Jesse Metcalfe- rescue 2 ladies from...someone in...somewhere and all goes well.

…until the last minute where some shots hit the truck and apparently kill one of them.  Oops.

Stallone- who's finally in his own Film- is now running his Security Firm in a more hands-off way and he fires the guy who went off-plan.

He blames him for the lady- who is never named- dying.

Huang is apparently the real Lead here as we see him meeting up with a lady from his past to protect his Cousin

Oddly, the Film thinks that Patents are secret (which is the opposite) as that guy won't 'reveal his patent' and is targeted by someone.

His attempt to protect the guy fails *immediately* and he wakes up in a Prison called Hades. 

His Cousin is there too.

Stallone tries to figure out where he went and turns to Bautista, who I guess he knows from some earlier adventure.

They have a brief shootout with some masked thugs as they try to figure out who's behind it.

Besides him, there's Jaime King (who does nothing) and 50 Cent (aka Curtis Jackson) who also does, well, nothing.

Can they escape Hades with 'the Zookeeper' (Titus Welliver) watching over them?

What secrets lie in Hades?

Will Stallone do more than 1 Action Scene?

To find out, watch the Film now.

It's alright, even if it is not what is promised.  The DVD Cover- and online Promo Art- heavily features Stallone and Bautista, even though both are minor players in the Film.  Mine specifically shows Stallone in the Prison, which- minor SPOILER?- does happen eventually.  It happens like an hour into the 90 minute Film though.

So, if you know that this is barely a Stallone Film- which should hopefully be obvious by 2018-, is it good?  Eh...I guess.  

My issue is that so much is happening, but also so little.  We have to follow SO MANY Characters with the Action and Plot split up so much.  This feels like when they take like 3 Episodes of a Show and cut it into a Film.  It really is just a Film though.

This is also one of those Films with alot of extra style and flourish added just to make normal- sometimes tedious- parts seem more interesting.  Lots of color correction, flashing lights and editing galore.  Its Director- Steven C. Miller- made his first Film- Automaton Transfusion- for $30,000.  I'm pretty sure they spent more than that just on the blue, green and purple lights!

ES2 is a decent Film that doesn't have alot going on, but looks alright while doing it.  It also makes the best use of a big, tough guy like Bautista- watching him exchange Instant Messages with Stallone.

Next up, another DVD from the pile.  As always, it could be Horror, Action or Sci-Fi...and hopefully good this time.  See you then...

Tubi Thursday: The Crimson Cult (aka The Curse of the Crimson Altar)

 If a Film is historically-notable, does that make it good?

I sure hope so in this case.  This is...

In a Cold Open, this man is surrounded by a bunch of weirdos- including a mostly-topless lady with a whip and a guy holding a goat-, signs a contract and then is branded by them.

Also this random lady dies.  
She's actually too random and disconnected to even count as a Poor Bastard of Cinema!

A man gets a strange letter from his brother, who's been missing for about a week.
Was it that guy in the Intro?

He starts a weird relationship with this lady, where she keeps telling him to 'go to his room' and he keeps trying to get invited into hers.

Ah, '60s...why?

After a good 15 minutes, one of our top-billed Stars appears.  It is Christopher Lee, who has disowned the Film many times and says that he thought that this would be his last chance to work with Boris Karloff.

He was right, mind you.

He's a Witch Expert, which explains the tiny Napoleon and Josephine figures...right?

The Town is celebrating the day that they burned a Witch- played by Barbara Steele.

What's really going on?

Another expert- a top billed Karloff in his final British Film- gives them the usual Exposition Dump about the Witch.

He's great, even if he's delivering cliché dialog in a wheelchair.

Weirdly, his appearance is teased in Dialog as the duo joke about the look of the House being 'out of one of those cheesy Horror Films' as they 'expect Boris Karloff to show up any minute.'

Weird choice for a Film that is not remotely-comedic.

As it turns out, you can't trust Christopher Lee in one of those Films.  Shocking- I know.

Also isn't that guy on the left from Undertale?

To find out the mystery, stream the Film now.

It's not bad.  It's not great.

Shockingly, picking Films mostly at random doesn't yield consistently-good or bad results.  I can't believe it!

Crimson has some neat ideas.  It doesn't exactly do much with them, but that's still something.  Like Witchcraft, it just doesn't have much going to to feel original.  Like The Black Sleep, it has some good, name Actors in it with little to do.  Seriously, look who's here...

Barbara Steele
Christopher Lee
Boris Karloff
Michael Gough

There's not much to say here, really.  The Film is fine.  It looks nice in HD.  It has good Acting.  It just doesn't have a really good Twist to justify the pretty-nothing Plot.  The most you get is one guy you think is evil turning out not to be.

At least I got a reminder of the fact that you can't keep a good Alfred down.

A perfectly-watchable Film, but nothing more.  It has so many great Actors...and so little to offer otherwise.

Immediate Response: Black Panther- Wakanda Forever

 I hid from SPOILERS for about a Week.  It was hell.

Now I can talk about...

The Good

* The Film addresses the 'elephant in the room' by making Chadwick's IRL death part of the Story and they tell a tale of sorrow and recovery from it.

* Namor and his people are fully-fleshed out creations that immediately make an impact in the MCU.  They aren't one-note, evil or cliché.  Such a concept!

* The Film has a grand scale, crossing the globe for its Action and Plot.

* The Film nicely sets up many new things in the MCU like Ironheart and early build for Thunderbolts.  It does so organically in the Story to boot.

* Shuri- no SPOILERS- has a complex Story Arc in the Film and has to rise to the occasion.  Can she do it?

The Bad

* The Film is a bit of a slow burn, as it doesn't rush right to the big moments.  That's not necessarily bad- at least for many viewers.

* The Intro and other moments throughout the Film will definitely 'hit you in the feels.'  Be warned.

* The French are dicks in the MCU...which tracks.

Wakanda Forever is a big, bold Film that takes its time getting where it wants to be.  It is still a really good Film because of/in spite of that.  

Highly recommended.

Lost in Translation?: Horror Shark/Blood Shark/Blood Bite

 After a disappointing Film, let me relive the sweet Poster.

True story- it's been my Phone's Wallpaper for at least a Month.

This is...

So, for starters, the Shark is never that big.  It's not The Meg.

Second- how does that lady not see that thing?
Third- is it a Zombie Shark?

As a reminder, this is the official U.S. Poster with the new Title and Tagline...

It's a weird comparison, no?  It's like a Before and After.

She finally saw the 60 foot Shark and started to swim away.

That Photoshop on her is terrible BTW.
Look at how well she is lit, for starters.

For people like me who seem to have OCD, it sure is fun to pick out all of the random, pointless changes to boot.

Still more interesting than actually watching Blood Bite.

'90s Trash or Class?: Raising Cain (1992)

 Surprisingly, this is my first De Palma Film in a long, long time!  This is Raising Cain, his 1992 Film about, what else, an insane man committing crimes.  He might have a pattern.

In this one, John Lithgow is the man and he's kidnapping children for his Father.  So why does everyone say that his Father is dead?!?  As the Film goes on, there are even more questions raised and...only a few answered very well.

To note, there is a Director's Cut of this which changes the order of the Intro Scenes around.  I'm not watching that.  So if you wonder why I'm describing the 'original' version, this is why.  My DVD is from 2007 and that wasn't even discussed until 2012.

Can a good Lead Actor make a ridiculous premise work?  Is Lithgow that good?  To find out, read on...

Lithgow is a nice, normal guy who's wife forgot to pick him and his Daughter up from the Park.  

Another Mom gives them a ride as he discusses taking their kids to a special Study done by his Father in Europe.

She's less than enthused.

So he chloroforms her and has to act quickly to explain why their car suddenly pulled onto the side of the road.

Thankfully, Cain- his more so-called-Alpha Personality- tells him what to do and they...I mean, he escapes.

After briefly stopping at home- leaving the still-sleeping kid in the backseat the whole time-, he takes the kid to a Motel, which we see from far away.

Director flourish or Plot Point?  You decide!

The next day, his Wife meets an old flame- think every generic Handsome '90s Guy- at the Park...even though he doesn't have a kid.  This is, at least, a Plot Point for later.

He wants her to get back with him after an earlier 'accidental' meeting and...she gets to third base with him in the middle of a Field.

A bit later, we see Lithgow acting nice and then suddenly smothering her with a pillow.  

She's not dead- since that is almost never fatal- and she wakes up in the back of the car as it goes into a lake.

Does De Palma like to be like and homage Hitchcock?  Since when?!?

We see Flashbacks revealing that Lithgow- as the normal Personality- saw this and Cain took over, leading to this.

Why show stuff in order when you can be intentionally-confusing?

She's not dead- for a second time- and attacks Lithgow some time later, after he's talked to the Police.

And no, she's not imaginary like I thought for the first few minutes of this Scene.

De Palma fakes out her death by revealing a different body- the lady from the Intro!

Now we get to Exposition Dump part of the Film.  Deep breath...

Lithgow's Dad intentionally gave his son Multiple Personalities (the '90s term) for a Book and a Study.
He got in trouble for experimenting on kids and died.

A lady working with him- a long-time Character Actress- reveals all of this in a pointless DePalma one-take (see the Stinger).

After that, Lithgow- with Cain in charge- escapes in that lady's wig and the Wife tracks 'the Doctor' to the Hotel.

As it turns out, the Dad (also played by Lithgow) was alive the whole time and controlled Lithgow.

He's stabbed by Lithgow and the kid survives, literally falling into the 'other man's' arms.  Dad Lithgow is dead and we get that last bit explained to us.

So he paid homage to Psycho...by copying the worst Scene in Psycho?  Weird choice.

Some time later, the kid runs off and says that Dad was there.  She says that he's not and bends over...to reveal Lithgow in drag.  The good...or bad...End?

A very silly, but not terrible Film.  Is there a reason that this Film is not mentioned as much as De Palma's other Films?  Is it worse than Dressed to Kill?  Not as good as Blow Out?  Or, is it like with Dario Argento and his later stuff just isn't regarded as well?

For my part, Cain is fine, but can definitely be too flashy for its own good.  He manages- I believe- to not do a Split Screen in this one, but his usual excesses are still on display.  Part of me wonders if the Director's Cut is stronger...but not enough to buy another copy of this.  Granted- this copy (which came with 2 other Films) was only like $2.  If I see it, I'll consider it.

The Plot is a muddled mess that eventually comes together and it is shown out of sequence in key parts for no good reason.  The finale where they just tell you what happened is the worst case of Tell, Don't Show I've seen in a while.

That said, there's a goofy charm to this one and it probably deserves more attention than it gets.  Take us away, One Take that goes on for several minutes (needed to explain this Plot)...

Next time, another dive into the pile of DVDs.  I'm leaning towards another Thriller, I think.  Stay tuned...

Shudder Sunday: Color Out of Space (2019)

 A busy week won't keep me from my obligations.  Here's a look at a reason I first got Shudder...and took until now to finally watch.

I hope you like purple...

A lovely, modern Family- Cage, his Wife, his young Son, his Teenage Son and Daughter- have a normal life until a strange meteorite crashes.

Based on the coloring, I'm going to guess that it was from Planet Prince.

There's some implied drama involving the Mayor (on the right) wanting to own the land and a Hydrologist (on the left) trying to get friendly with the daughter.

They have him wear a Miskatonic University T-Shirt the whole Film, but never draw attention to it.  Nice.

The meteorite vanishes before the News can cover it, but it has actually relocated to the well.

It becomes an egg and...yeah, that's probably not good.

Things start to get really weird around the House.  Nothing major...at first.

Weird smells.
Time seeming to be moving differently for others.
People starting to act differently.
A light coming from the Well...

Things only get worse around the House.  This is not so much a 'slow burn' Thriller as it is a 'slowly glowing more and more' Thriller.

Things escalate when...well, no SPOILERS for that.

It's a Nic Cage Film, so you shouldn't be surprised to see him have a freak out.

To see why AND to see how it all ends, stream the Film now.

A fun, freaky Film that shows that people other than Stuart Gordon can do Lovecraft right.  For obvious reasons, that's a good thing!  We still miss you, Stuart.

The Film does a really good job of introducing a normal(ish) Family with realistic, underlying problems.  It's not that they don't get along or are dysfunctional- they're just a Family.  This is important, since it makes us care for them and want good things to happen to them.

When things go horribly awry (and they do), we are invested.  Simple stuff, but not every Film can manage it.

The big appeal is the titular Color and how it affects everything.  In that regard, the Film really delivers.  It creates freaky effects, some mutations that are nice and gross and just generally makes everything get all warped there.  Good stuff!

If you're willing to stick through the set-up and build-up, it is a really good Film experience for fans of Lovecraft and the bizarre.  Nic Cage, as always, is great as a normal guy who eventually becomes, well, Nic Cage.  Now I just need to decide whether or not to add the "U' to the Title...

A good Movie that shows that Richard Stanley can still deliver.  Can we get more good Lovecraft in the future?

Tubi Thursday: Blood Bite/Blood Shark/Horror Shark (2020)

 So many different names for a pretty nothing Film.

Maybe I'm being too harsh on my latest Chinese Monster Film. 

To find out, read on...

The Film begins In Media Res with a lady being lowered down in a Shark Cage to try and dart a creature.

What kind of Shark?

A Blood Shark.

It's not a real thing, but it is real(ly) silly!

In the actual Plot, it is a mix of Deep Blue Sea (they are experimenting on Sharks in an Ocean Lab right as a big storm is coming in) and Jurassic Park (A Scientist/skeptic is called in to check out an Exhibit before it is opened.

The titular Shark is a Great White who is apparently injected with Redeye Trout (I think they meant Bass, but blame the English Dubbing) DNA to be more fertile.

They go full DBS by having the older Scientist fall into the Tank and used as a battering ram to break the glass (like so)...

They manage to get away from the Blood Shark, but now they need to track it down.

Can they get past all of the melodrama to do the deed?
In lieu of a shot of their subpar CGI, here's a nearly 25-year old FX shot that looks better.

A pretty silly Film that takes quite a while to really get anywhere.  Outside of the Flash Forward, they spend well over 20 minutes just setting things up.

Between that and all of the melodrama (our Hero has PTSD and a past relationship with 2 people at the Base), it is a bit of a slog.  Once the Shark finally turns red (yep- that's a thing), it picks up.

Now you get to enjoy their truly-unimpressive CGI (see the second Cap) and truly horrendous attempts to fake the shots of people being 'underwater.'  Those are trashy fun...for a bit.

Ultimately, it just kind of peters out as far as interesting Scenes go.  You'd think people hunting a big, red shark would never get boring, but it did.  Oh well.  I will always have the great Posters and Promo Art...

A surprisingly-dull Film about a giant, red Shark.  In a way, it is an impressive achievement, really.

Fiction vs. Fiction: Stephen King's Graveyard Shift (1990)

 A long-delayed look at a forgettable Film and a slightly-more forgettable Short Story from Stephen King.

Seeing another Story with a giant rat creature reminded to finally talk about this one.

See what happens when rats and men meet at work...

****VS****

What's the Same?

The core of the Story is the same in both the Film and Short Story.  A group of workers at a Mill have a problem with Rats.  The Boss is also a jerk.

A group of them go down into the Basement to clean it out and find more than just the normal whiskered rodents down there.

One of them is a bat-rat hybrid that is quite a bit too big to just throw a can at.

In said Basement, the Boss is killed and...

What's Different?

...so is our Hero.  Only the two of them actually go down there in the original Story.

In the Film, we get a few of them to fill up the kill quota.
There's also a Love Interest, who tragically dies down there with them.   
She has no equivalent in the Short Story.

In the Film, our Hero is the lone survivor and makes it to the surface...so he can have a big face-off with the rat-bat monster.

In the Short Story, the others stay up on the surface and are blissfully-unaware of the Monsters as they prepare to go down to look for the 2, ending the Story on a downer.

To pad the runtime out, the Film has a few set-up kills- including a man who our Hero is hired to replace- and one of them is pretty cruel (a woman who rejects the Boss' advances is killed).

They also add a fun- but unnecessary- Character in the form of Brad Dourif's Exterminator.
He has a few Scenes and dies, not really impacting the Plot as a whole.

Thanks for...being in the Film, I guess.

Final Thoughts

The Film is...alright.  It is a pretty basic Creature Feature that I watched last year, kind of remember and didn't keep.  It was worth the $2 I paid for it at Goodwill though.

The Short Story is less fleshed out- since, you know, it is like 30 pages long- and gives you a good taste of a bigger Story.

If the Film had been changed less (and done better), it would be a great segment in a Stephen King Anthology like Cat's Eye or a Creepshow-style Film.  As a stand-alone, it's...not that impressive.

Night Shift has a bunch of fun, crazy Short Stories in it to enjoy. 
Stick with that for now.

My Crazy Youth: The Time That 'Godzilla' Traveled to the Dark Future of...2022?!?

 A Show I remember from back in the day is Godzilla: The Series.  Even as a teen, I didn't love the American version of the Japanese Monster.  As an Adult, I learned why.

That said, the Show is way more in line with the premise of the Series than that big-budget Film.  It was also part of a slew of '90s Films with mostly-forgotten Shows- Men in Black, The Mask, Jumanji, Wing Commander, Ace Ventura, etc.

Now that I own the Complete Series Set (which has 2 Unaired Episodes), I can cover it better.

To begin, we go late in the Series for Future Shock.

The HEAT Team chases a Monster out into the Ocean alongside Godzilla, but a strange storm strikes the ship!

They return back to NYC and find their home all smashed up.  Insert 'Guns & Roses smashing Hotel Rooms' joke to be properly-'90s here.

What is the Story?

They find NYC wrecked as well- thankfully, the Disc has no Subtitle Track, so you're spared a line about someone 'playing Ping Pong with the World Trade Center' visible here- and something else is strange.

What's up with this Marquee?

They are in the dark Future of 2022, where their normally-asthmatic/hypochondriac Scientist buddy is now a buff John Connor-esque resistance fighter.

The source of this peril- DARMAs, a group of hard to kill (except when it is dramatic) monsters that in the last 23 years killed Godzilla and most of the world's population.

In a rare Plot Device, their absence had *no* effect on this timeline happening, so they go back into the Storm (that waited politely all day for them) and return to 1999.

Aside from a DARMA chasing them, there's no issue.

Back in the Present, they track down the guy who is working on said creatures now and stop him.

Thankfully, they have 2022's laser weapons (good thing we don't have those now!) and Godzilla (absent since the first few minutes) to set things right.  The End.

A fun, if obviously silly premise for an Episode.  

As a Cartoon Show, you'd better believe that they checked all of the boxes for Story ideas in 40 Episodes.  They go to every climate, every Continent, travel inside of Godzilla to cure him from the inside and, as you just read, went to the Future.

The future stuff is fun- a relative statement given that it is supposed to be bleak, of course.  They give you a good reason for it and really revel in all of the 'Future has gone bad' Tropes/Visuals.  One gripe though- they don't show Godzilla battling the DARMAs at all.  Nope, they just say he saved a bunch of people and died.

Was it too dramatic for a Kid's Show?  You can just describe it?

The Pacing of this was not what I expected as usually the 'come back to fix things' part is pretty short.  It's not quite half the Episode, but it is longer than a few minutes.  

They do make the most of that time, of course, paying off a setup earlier and continuing to tease a long-term story of romance.  I'm not sure if those ever properly paid off, of course.

Future Shock is a fun Episode that breaks the normal setup of 'Go here, find Monster and defeat Monster.'  It plays with that a bit in a nice way.  

As for the dark Future, at least they got Cyborgs in THEIR 2022!

Godzilla: The Series is not exactly the most complex Show of its time, but it sure is fun.  I've got more highlights in the near future (also of 2022).