Lost in Translation Collection: The Visitor

 None of these are weird or interesting enough to post on their own.
I might as well just throw them all into one Post.

The Visitor was a weird Film which involved Aliens, Hippies, killer birds and an evil child.
Given this complicated (but ambitious mess), it's no wonder that the Covers are pretty strange.

Here's a German one that has a crazy eye, the glow from Alien and other nonsense.

Here's an Italian one that is actually for the Soundtrack, but features the original Title, a metal bird a la Silverhawks and a blood Moon (I think)…

This one gives an alternate Title- it's Plural now.

This one gives me Beaks: The Movie and/or Zombi 5: Killing Birds vibes...

Lastly, another bird-focused one.

This one is Spanish (it is Visitor from Beyond) and features a lady who can't be bothered to look out for danger...

They are all a little crazy, but nothing mind-blowing.

I can now check that off my list though!

Old-School Flix: Bluebeard (1944)

 Clearing another random DVD off of the Watch Pile.  This time, it is Bluebeard, a 1944 Film that is sadly not a Pirate Film.  If you don't know, the term comes from the name given to Men who date rich, older Women and then kill them.  That's thankfully not a notable thing anymore, not that, you know, murder and all that doesn't still happen.  It's also not *that* important to know here, since the Film is actually not about that.  Why the Title?  Dunno.  They call him that for no clear reason, so let's just accept it.  It was Directed by Edgar G. Ulmer, who has a few notable Films on his Resume.  For one, he did the 1934 'version' of The Black Cat (with Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff), as well as other Films from this time.  Its Star is John Carradine, who is thankfully in the good part of his Career and not the part where he's singing 'Night Train to Mundo Fine.'  Good times.  In the Film, Carradine is a killer who falls in love.  Aw.  Will he be able to stop himself?  To find out, read on...

A random woman's body is found floating in the River Seine.

Don't worry- the Film isn't too French.
In fact, it's mostly just American with like 4 French guys in it.

There is a killer on the loose!

Thankfully, this Exposition Flyer is there to explain it all...and to take way too long to go away, since I guess people read slower back in the '40s.

I mean, it's obviously this guy.

The Film makes no mystery of this, so why should I?

Carradine's Character is a bit complicated to explain, so let me try...

- He's a Serial Killer.

- He's a Puppeteer

- He's also a Painter.

- He paints a portrait of a woman before he kills her.

All good?

He has an Art Dealer who sells said Paintings on the Black Market, but always wants more.

Of course, he knows how he gets them too AND he knows that they could be evidence...like when he sells it to a rich guy who displays it proudly.

It was the last victim.  Oops.

The woman who happens to be falling for Carradine turns out to be the Sister of the Detective trying to solve the case.

What are the odds of that?!?

They set up a sting operation to catch Carradine, but he recognizes the woman from earlier and kills her!

His Dealer friend helps out by delaying the Police and escaping...until he's killed too in his next Scene.

Our Heroine eventually finds Carradine- as part of another Police Sting- and he says that he feels bad about, you know, killing her Sister.

Well, that's alright then....hey, wait a minute!!!!

He fights off the Police- since he suddenly can't kill a woman fast since she's the Main Character- fairly well...until he falls to his death.  

The End.

A slow, but steady Film.  The Plot is fairly-simple...at first.  He's a killer, but he's also conflicted.  Got it.  Now he's a Puppeteer that falls in love- sure, alright.  Now he's also a Painter who draws his victims before he kills them.  Um...alright.  Now there's an Art Dealer, who's separately-corrupt, a Detective, a rich guy, the Sister, a random Courtroom Scene with some Prostitutes, a Police Sting, an underground Phantom of the Opera-esque Tunnel and...did I miss anything?  There's a bit much, no?  The Puppeteer stuff also completely vanishes after the first 20 minutes (it just gets him with her), so what was the real point of it?  Why couldn't he just be a Painter who tries to romance her?  The Movie's not really that long by modern standards (70 minutes) and pretty much on par for its time.  I guess they couldn't reach the proper length without that pointless Puppet Show version of Faust, eh?  None of the seeming-filler is bad though.  Ultimately, it's a Film that is all about letting you see the killer and somewhat understand him.  That's something that would be more prevalent in later Decades, so kudos.  Bluebeard is a good, if 'of its time' Film (no on-screen killing, for instance).  If you can't say one thing about it too, it sure is certified.

Next time, I dig deeper into the Random DVD Pile.  Who knows what will come up next?  Stay tuned...

New Streaming: Loki- Episode 5

 As the end (for now) approaches, what happened last week?  Let's look back and see...

Loki ends up in a strange place with other versions of himself, including a kid, an Alligator and his older (alternate) self.

What in the what now? 

He knows that he can't stay here, especially when he learns about the creature that can easily destroy him.

He needs to rally the Troops (as it were).  Can he?

More Lokis enter the fray, which can either be a good thing or a bad thing.

Aw hell- you know it's a bad thing!

Can he get even one of them to help him?

Will help from the outside come?

Will this all lead up to a big, final tease for the next Episode?

To find out, stream Episode 5 now.

A big, exciting Episode that leaves you wanting more.  It is the penultimate Episode, so that is the goal, right?  If you aren't on board at this point, this Episode won't sway you though.  It is chock full of crazy stuff for people other than me to obsess over in extreme detail.  For instance, they put a giant Yellowjacket head (in helmet) in one shot.  Someone then gets to explain how this is a riff on a bit in Old Man Logan where a Giant-Man skeleton is a landmark.  Thanks, people even nerdier than me.  Outside of all the crazy, random stuff in the background (including a Polybius Machine and Frog Thor!), there's lots of substance here.  The alternate Lokis each get a moment or two to shine.  As everyone will tell you, the randomness of Alligator Loki (or Lokigator) and the stage presence of Richard E. Grant as Old Loki steal the show.  Main Loki gets some great moments too, whether it is being perplexed at the insanity or finally bonding with his new allies Mobius and Sylvie.  There's alot of world-building here and everyone has theories about the finale.  As for me, I'm just going to enjoy stuff like the first appearance of the legendary Thanos Copter!

Next time, the big finale.  Will it stick the landing like previous Shows?

New Flix: The Curse of the Blind Dead

 After 4 Decades away (and 20 years after the death of its lone Director), we get a new one?!?  Let's see if it can live up to this...

Those wacky Knights Templar are up to their old tricks again- trying to sacrifice humans to a dark power.

To note, the real Knights Templar were simply owed money by the Catholic Church, asked for it and were then branded as heretics.

Like every time, they are blinded and killed.

This time, the Lead Knight said that they would return, leading the leader of the Mob to say that they must be blinded then.  

That backfired!

Now here's where things get weird (for this Series)...

Instead of being set in the Modern Day, this is set in a Post-Apocalyptic Future where yadda yadda plague and yadda yadda random people in the Woods are a thing.

A man and his Daughter wander through the Woods until they find someplace safe.

If you've watched, well, anything, you'll know that this won't end well.

Can they escape the titular Blind Dead (who take their bloody time showing up)?

Will they get what they want?

To find out, stream the Film now.  It's on Prime FYI.

A bit of a letdown, even if I didn't expect much.  The first Trailer for this Film appeared what feels like years ago.  Was a Teenager when it first came out?  No, but it was still a long-ass time!  If you take away all of that, the Film is still...meh.  The idea of picking a new setting- fine.  The Post-Apocalyptic Setting, however, is not all that inspired.  It allows them to put the Film on small Sets and with limited numbers of Extras.  We just hear about how it all happened and then it's all running around in the Woods.  They don't do much with it.  You could have the Templars be mutated via radiation, for instance.  They could have Mad Max-style weapons instead of just swords.  Nope.  The Film takes a while to get to the good stuff.  Gee, I wonder if the people in the Sanctuary are good guys or not.  We still get some decent moments as the Blind Dead wander around killing people.  That said, the idea that they can hear you is inconsistent, so that's a bit of a problem.  There's an amusing point near the end when 5 of the Knights Templar show up, but we only see 3 of their faces.  Aw, you only had 3 masks, didn't you?  I'm not going to tell you that every Blind Dead Film is amazing.  The thing is that they all had either great moments, atmosphere, freaky effects or some combination of them.  This Film just has screaming, nothing Characters, random moments of crazy gore and constant bleakness.  Thankfully, it wasn't bleak on the set.

A slow, dark and dreary Film.  It's fairly nothing, save for lots of screaming and splatter effects.

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: The Rift (1990)

 The Rift wasn't the best Underwater Horror Film from 1989/90.
It was definitely one of them though.

Let's see what a modern Poster looks like for the Film...

Damn!

This Movies looks fun!
I can't wait to...

Dammit!  You did it again!  
Nice try.

Here's the original (which was posted once before)...

More flair and flash with those colors.  I'd say it's an upgrade, no?

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Houseboat Horror

 Australia has given us many good things.

Also Paul Hogan.

In Houseboat Horror, we get a random lady getting dropped off by our Heroes to see her boyfriend.

Hmmm...his daytime camping by himself is suspicious.

The guy at the Camp (who I don't recall is even named) is dead and the killer targets her!

He wounds her and 'plays with his food' a bit...

...before he kills her, leaving her at the camp with her dead boyfriend.

As a reminder, the killer hates Film Productions since he was 'burned' by one during a Shoot.
So why is he killing these people?

No reason.
At all.

The lesson: no camping.  It's good for FPSs and life in general.

Next up, a slightly-less random kill from the same Film.  It's just as callous though.  See you then...

'90s Trash?: Graveyard Shift (1990)

 No matter how bad your 4th of July Weekend could have been, it can't be worse than this! 

This is Stephen King's Graveyard Shift, a 1990 Horror Film.  The titular Director doesn't like the Film.  He didn't like The Shining or Children of the Corn either.  Is it as good as those Films?  Eh, no.  The Plot involves a group of people, lots of rats, a strange creature and a Mill.  What a fun combo.  Its Director- Ralph S. Singleton- only has 2 Credits to his name (as a Director).  It is 2 Episodes of Cagney & Lacey and this.  Yep. 

His Resume is more interesting when you factor in his Credits as some sort of Production Manager (Unit/Location/etc).  This way, you can lump together such Films as Captain America II: Death Too Soon, Harlem Nights and The French Connection.  Sure- why not?!? 

As far as the Cast goes, we have Brad Dourif, Stephen Macht and Andrew Divoff.  The Stars of Child's Play, Amityville (1992: It's About Time) and Wishmaster united! 

To find out how this Story that is less than 20 pages long can translated into a 90 minute Film, read on...

In a Cold Open, a man working in a Textile Mill kills some rats (that always linger about) before something makes him fall into the Machine and get killed.

A wanderer ('That Guy' Actor David Andrews) ends up in Town and is just looking for some work.

A man- Stephen Macht- who runs the Mill (who's an asshole) hires him, but he's got some drama.

He's hitting on one woman (who ignores it) and dates another, who he proceeds to treat like crap.

Stealing the Show for a pair of major Scenes, Brad Dourif is an Exterminator who deals with some of the rats, but eventually gets killed.

Oh well- he was fun and mostly-pointless.

As the work goes on, random people are killed by the Rats and some sort of POV creature that they tease.

What is it?!?

Our Hero and a group of workers get bonus pay for working over the July 4th Weekend cleaning out the long-messy Basement of the Building.

What could go wrong?

They find a Sub-Basement, get attacked by the creature and discover what appears to be at least a Century's worth of human remains.

Oh.

Also the Boss kills our Hero's Girlfriend, since, pathos.

The Boss and the Creature have a big showdown...which ends in seconds.

I mean, it is a normal man with a knife against an 8-foot Bat/Rat Creature.  What did you expect?

Since it is a Horror Film, our Hero's escape is short-lived as the Creature shows up for One Last Hurrah.

After some tense moments, he activates the machine via Pepsi Slingshot and kills it, making the Film come full-circle (as it knocked that first guy into it at the beginning). 
The End.

A fun, but pretty nothing bit of horror fluff.  Graveyard Shift does nothing new.  Graveyard Shift isn't riddled with errors and gaffs.  Somewhere in that glorious, boring middle lies stuff like this.  The Acting is fine. 
Dourif does well with his limited time, while it interesting to see Divoff just plain 'lose his shit' here.  He's always so measured and controlled in Films, so it's a bit like that Scene from the '90s Body Snatchers where Forrest Whitaker breaks down (and retroactively loses his future Oscar). 
Andrews is fine, if unimpressive as our Lead.  He's just so generic. 
Macht as the Boss has some Character, but doesn't evolve beyond Asshole Boss.  It's weird how the Film can't decide if the deaths are some form of punishment (like horny teens dying in Slasher Films) or tragic losses (like in non-Slasher Films). 
The scorned (and physically abused) Girlfriend falls down some stairs and gets eaten alive.  Yea?  Boo? 
The strong woman who works with Andrews (and almost makes the Film pass the Bechdel Test) is just straight-up stabbed and dies.  Boo.. right? 
Some of them (like Token Black Guy) get mean, prolonged deaths for no reason, while others are killed in a flash. 
Is there a message or was there just a kill quota? 

As to why King doesn't like the Film, well, I'll get into that in a future Fiction vs. Fiction (UPDATE- It only took me 15 Months!). 

For now, just know that Graveyard Shift is a decent Horror Film and nothing more, in spite of my love of retro Pepsi Logos.

Next time, I go back to the Black and White Era to cover a long-owned Film.  Will I find a John Carradine Film that IS NOT embarrassing?  Stay tuned...

New Streaming: Loki- Episode 4

 As everyone recovers from what all went down last week, let's relive it, shall we?

In a nice Open, we see Sylvie/Lady Loki being taken from her home, due to her supposedly-being a Variant.

She would, of course, escape, setting this whole thing up.

Loki and Sylvie end up back in the TVA and must pay for what they have done.

Has Loki finally gotten through to Mobius about what he knows?

Will they finally reach the end of the road?

I mean, it's not a 4 Episode Series, so no...but there's still plenty for me not to SPOIL.

To find out, watch the Episode before the new one drops.

A strong Episode, although I can't say too much without SPOILERS.  It sure sucks to not be That Guy Who Gives out SPOILERS sometimes.  Anyhow, there's alot of good in this one.  Loki Prime gets alot of time to shine.  His punishment gives us a surprise appearance, a strong character moment and lots of chance to emote.  Sylvie shines as well, since she gets alot more time as well.  Owen Wilson's Mobius also stands out here, as he gets to do more than just be exasperated by Loki.  It's a shame that it took us this long to get him in the MCU, but it is good to have him now.  We just need Luke Wilson and we're gold.  Like many Shows in this format, Episode 4 is a key one.  It moves the Characters along on their journey, deals with some established issues and make us want to know where it all leads now.  Mission accomplished!  Now I just need to make sure I'm recovered enough to see what the hell that is.

Next time, whatever the hell is next.  What more can I ask for?  See you then...