'90s Class: Sneakers (1992)

 After watching some bad Horror or Sci-Fi, how about something that's actually good?  This is 1992's Sneakers, a Film that is not about shoes.  Apparently there was some concern that people would think it was a Kid's Film, so they added some swearing.

Why not?

The Film is about a group of good guy Security Experts who do a job for the NSA.  When they find out what they stole and realize who they accidentally stole it for, plans change.

The Cast is full of Stars of the past and (in theory) the future.  You have Robert Redford, Sydney Poitier, Dan Akroyd, David Strathairn, Sir Ben Kingsley and Mary McDonnell.  Tragically, we also get River Phoenix at the tail end of his sadly-short career and life.

Having last seen this one in Theaters when I was a kid (do the Math!), will it be better or worse 30 years later?  Let's find out...

In 1969, two young College Students use phones to steal money from bad guys.  One of them- Redford- leaves to get food and escapes being capture.

Two things- 

1) Redford is 'de-aging himself' here for the Story (as Hippie during Vietnam makes sense narratively).  He was born in 1936.

2) With no CGI to digitally de-age him, they just cast an Actor who looks like him and slapped on a mustache.  Better or worse?  Discuss.

In the Present (of 1992) Martin (now going by the last name Bishop) works for a company that tests Security for Companies.

I can't wait for Stallone to 'borrow' this idea to make Escape Plan (and two subsequent DTV Sequels).

Some guys from the NSA hire them, which is a tempting offer when they reveal that they know about Martin's other name and past.

People who blackmail you for work- trustworthy!

They steal a device from a young Donal Logue (!!!) and prepare to give to the NSA, but they feel the need to test it.

As it turns out, it can hack into any U.S. System due to something something numbers and codes.  I don't know if this was accurate then or is now, but it makes a good MacGuffin.

When they find out the truth, the group is targeted.

Redford tries to get help from his friend at the Russian Consulate (as you do), but this backfires when he is killed and Redford is framed.

Too important to be a Poor Bastard- sorry.

It turns out that the mastermind is Redford's 'college-age' friend, who's now played by Sir Ben Kingsley.
FYI he was born in 1943, so he was also too old to be a (young) College Student.

He wants to destabilize the World Economy, which he somehow equates to when they would steal money from the Government to help the poor.  Sure...

In a pair of things that might seem familiar if you know a certain Tom Cruise Film, they have to manipulate a poor Office Drone (Stephen Tobolowsky) and put their young comrade in the Elevator Shaft to manipulate the Temperature Controls for the Heist.

It's just impossible to place where this was also used.

They manage to get the chip that's behind it all after some close calls and issues with the Heist.  My biggest issue- they have to send Redford to do all of the titular sneaking, as opposed to River Phoenix.

Ultimately, it comes down to Kingsley confronting his friend, but realizing that he can't shoot him.

In the aftermath, they give it over to the *real* NSA in exchange for material goods, a lady's phone number and 'world peace.'

They also steal money from the 1992 Republican Party, so a happy ending.

A good Film, even if it is a bit shallow.  It's a breezy Film starring good, name Actors.  It's got some serious elements, but leans more into Comedy by the end.

Sneakers has a serious Plot involving espionage, theft and bad guys killing people.  It's still less of a Thriller and more of a buddy Film thanks to the fun banter between our Stars.  It doesn't devalue the thrills though.  Make sense?

Being 30 years later, the technology could be dated and silly.  Thankfully, it's not.  There have obviously been many advances since then (for instance, cell phones are not a thing here), but it doesn't rely on stuff like floppy disks like Hackers does.

If you want a Heist Film about good guys, check it out.  It's not going to blow your mind or make a big statement, but it's good and fun.  Speaking of fun, Redford's car here would show up next year as Mike Meyer's Car in So I Married an Axe Murderer.  No joke.

Next time, another random film from the pile.  So many weird and random choices for you.  Stay tuned...

Semi-Immediate Response: The Batman (2022)

 After a busy weekend (ironically, non-work weekends keep you busier!), I'm finally getting around to sharing my slightly-curated thoughts on...

The Good

* Pattinson shines as a young, somber Batman who hasn't gotten his dual life in balance.

* The Riddler is a dark, enthralling Villain who goes after bad people...but is also worse than them.

* The Film offers some new tweaks on Characters and Stories, which are nice to see.  It manages to do so without 'ruining' Characters to boot.

* The Batman/Catwoman dynamic is nice to see.

* The Story has some good twists and turns, making Gotham City a Character in the tale.  

That said...

The Bad

* The Story is very, very dark.  There's not so much hope for a long time in the Film.

* As good as The Riddler is, he's not so much an 'homage' to The Zodiac Killer as he, well, is him.  Once he sends out cyphers, it's just the actual guy doing the actual thing.

* This is definitely a Film for those who like Crime Thrillers that feature Batman, rather than a normal Batman Film.  

That's not necessarily bad- I just thought you should know.

In Summary, the Film is really, really good.  If you're here for the big Action rather than the gritty, crime stuff, stick with other Batman Films.

Just know what you're getting here.

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Savage (1995) [Part 2]

 Another Poor Bastard- and not just for being in 1995's Savage.

As you might recall, our Hero joins forces (eventually) with a Policewoman (Carey Grant's Daughter) to solve the mystery.

Before that, she just happens to go to the same Club that he does- she brings her once-mentioned friend too.

The bad guy sends in his henchmen to take out the titular Savage.

A shoot-out in a Nightclub- what a novel concept.

As you can imagine, this goes poorly for everyone but our Main Characters...

This includes these random Bartender Ladies, who are officially on the worst Shift ever, and...

Our Heroine's friend.

No, I didn't see that coming from 20,000 miles away.

Her death is mentioned once again near the end, but she's still a pretty clear Poor Bastard.  If she was not here, would the Plot have changed in any way?

Also those poor Bartenders.

The lesson- avoid people with the kind of haircut that our 'Savage' has.  It ends badly 100% of the time.

Next time, a random victim- this time from the 1930s.  This bites!  See you then...

Tubi Thursday: Queen Crab (2015)

 As a Celebration of Women and their History, why not cover a Film about a lady crab?

I can't think of a reason.

The Director of Arachnia and A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell gives us this Film.

A Scientist- played by Mark Polonia the Director of Feeders 2 and Amityville in Space- is working on making things grow bigger.

He's terrible at this, but also good at it.  He made some fruit that makes things grow, but his daughter feeds it to her new pet crab for apparently months.

The top of the House blows up and kills the Parents (even though they were in the Basement).

In the Present (which we're told via a 'funny' Title Card) the Crab is now a Giant and by a Town full of terrible people.

* The Sheriff is lazy, while the Deputy is a dumb jerk.

* The girl is now a paranoid loner who shoots the Deputy with zero consequences.
* A different, older Lady is exactly the same.
* The girl's long-lost friend is a B-Movie Star (in a B-Movie).

They call in an Expert (who looks like an older Chad Gable) and they slowly figure out that there is a Giant Crab.

Lots of filler.  The Film is only 80 minutes long.

The crab- which is the same level of Claymation from Arachnia (only made 12 years later)- kills some people, but also has some sort of psychic link to the girl/adult.

Instead of showing you said effects, here's a shot from over 50 years ago that looks better.

Sorry, Brett Piper, who is the Writer/Director and VFX guy.

To find out what happens, watch the Film on Tubi.

It's...not good.  It tries to be a fun B-Movie, which is a thing that alot of people like.  Someone keeps giving these people money to make stuff like Sharkula, Noah's Shark and Zillafoot.  That or he has Mob ties.

The Plot is pretty nothing and has lots of random filler.  Did I mention that it's not even 90 minutes?  This is early Full Moon stuff, where they'd make Films that barely hit 60 minutes, but put a Making Of... thing on the Tapes/DVDs to make it appear longer.  Yea.

Queen Crab's Claymation/Stop-Motion effects are decent in a throwback sort of way.  If it were just that and not several terrible Green Screen shots, I'd be more forgiving.  With barely any Story of note to make you feel connected, it's just a slog with old-school effects.

The Queen is dead.

A B-Movie that isn't as a fun as it should be.  It's also not good enough to stand on its own...so win/win?

Buy the DVD!: Batman Forever

 With Bat-mania back again (even if it is low-key), I might as well look back at a 'classic.'

In 1995, Joel Schumacher took over for Tim Burton (when his Films got too dark to sell McDonalds Toys) and made his first Film in the Series.

The most-recent DVD release has an Audio Commentary Track that's specifically the Director talking about the Film.  Why not give it a listen and see what I learn?

* It was his idea apparently to redesign Gotham to give it 'character' and to show it during the day.
Were there any daytime Scenes of note in the Burton Films?

* He finally got to cast Jim Carrey in a Film, after having to turn him down for D.C. Cab back in 1983.  According to Schumacher, Carry was 'too big of a personality' to make into just one of the Supporting Cast.  Not wrong.

* In 2 early Scenes at Wayne Enterprises, you can see a pre-fame Jon Favreau playing an 'Executive.'
He has no lines and isn't ever highlighted.

* He cast Drew Barrymore (hot off of Doppelganger) due to their decade-long friendship.  As a kid, she allegedly told him that St. Elmo's Fire (future Review) was 'her favorite.'

* He says that he's been accused of 'objectifying his Male and Female Stars' to which his reply is '...And?'

* Between the Cape and Suit, the Batman ensemble weighed around 100 lbs., so he gives kudos to Val Kilmer (who does one fight Scene in it) and the Stuntmen for working in it.

* In an Alley Fight, the painted-up Leader of the Blacklight Gang is Don 'The Dragon' Wilson!  He'd also be in Cyber Tracker 2 the same year that this came out.  Win win?

* To his credit, Schumacher jokes about how things don't make sense sometimes (like how Riddler built his base so quickly) or how physics are wonky.  '...but it's a Batman Film' is his constant rejoinder.

* He's less defensive and apologetic than he apparently is on the Batman & Robin Commentary (which I'll likely cover soon).

* Like Frank Gorshin before him, Jim Carrey couldn't get a double for his stunts says the Director.  Hard to argue.

It's honestly a pretty fun and informative Commentary Track.  He really talks up everyone that worked on the Film, so it's not all about 'look what I did.'

At one point, he laughs at something Carrey does and quickly points out that he's 'not laughing at my own Film.'  He seemed like a nice, genuine guy.

I guess I can forgive him for helping 'kill' the Franchise.

My Crazy Youth: The First Time Morbius was on 'Spider-Man: The Animated Series'

 With Morbius finally coming out (maybe, right?!?), let's look back at how he first appeared in Animation.

It's a '90s Flashback with the Soap Opera-laden Series called...

Given the Serial nature of the Show, it's important to know a few things before we cover Morbius...

* We had Lizard transform and be cured via Neogenics (which is real, but doesn't make Mutants- yet).

* Spider-Man suddenly starts to mutate more from his bite, turning into a Man-Spider.

He would be cured...but still leaving mystery about his recent absence.

During this period, another Student named Michael Morbius was experimenting with blood samples involving the story's MacGuffin- the Neogenic Recombinator (sorry, Spell Check).

He takes one of Peter's samples unknowingly and blasts it...but a bat flies in the way (as it does) and gets mutated.

Now he's just Morbius (beating Vince McMahon to the idea of removing people's first names) and he feeds on blood...I mean, plasma.

So, TV Standards & Practices will allow him to drain plasma (which is different, but not really) via holes in his hands...but you also can't show the act happen.

'90s TV was weird, no?

His attacks makes people question Spider-Man...for some reason and this brings in Blade, who thinks that Spider-Man is a Vampire...for some reason.

Heroes first meeting- gotta fight!

Stuck in the middle of all of this, you have Felicia Hardy (who Peter likes, but she likes Michael) and Police Inspector Lee (who ends up loving Blade).

To see how it all ends up, stream the Season 2 Episodes now.

----------------

A fun pair of Episodes that introduce new elements and really push the bounds of TV Standards and Practices.  Aside from the aforementioned 'plasma' loophole, you have Blade who never uses a real gun, throws gas grenades and wields what seems to be a lightsaber.

No joke- an energy sword.

We also get Whistler, first appearing 2 years before his Film counterpart.  He's very British in this one (voiced by Malcolm McDowell), which is neat.  Morbius is also Eastern-European, which is no doubt a nod to Bela Lugosi.

The melodrama is quite rich here, so you take the good with the bad.  Peter monologues sadly so much that I fear for anyone reading his MySpace Page!  The Action and Story are strong enough here though, so I still recommend checking out this pair of Episodes.

As for Morbius, he will obviously (based on the fact that I put 'The First Time' in the Title) return...in Season 4.

Given how wrapped up in the Show's mythos THIS version of Morbius is and how murky Sony's mythos is here, these two are nothing alike.  

Why not check this one out then?

Streaming Standard: Masters of the Universe- Revelation (Part 2)

 After some time to digest the Series/Season as a whole, I'm ready to discuss the 2nd part (aka Episodes 6-10).  

Are you?

Obvious note- while I'm touching on the Plot in broad strokes, there is still a certain amount of SPOILERS in play.

So read this after you've watched the second half OR just don't care.

So warned.

*

*

After everything that went down in the last 5 Episodes, things are NOT in a great place.

The big news- Skeletor is back and he has the power!

With Skeletor back and powerful, at least He-Man is back.

The problem- without the sword as a conduit for his power, he's...not quite the same.

(sure is a shame that the Trailer SPOILED this in advance).

At Skeletor's side is Evil-Lyn, who sadly did not turn to the side of the light.

She becomes the new Sorceress...but things don't stay stagnant for long.

What could possibly happen to make Skeletor and Adam work together?

Wouldn't you like to know?

To find out, watch the Episodes now!

So now we have the full picture and the whole story?  Are we all relaxed now?

Revelation drew some big outrage.  Was it warranted?  I mean, the Show 'killed off' 2 major Characters, focused on Teela (who was a Lead in the original Show) and sort of deconstructed the whole idea of the Plot.

The full Show undoes some of this- but still kills off random characters like Fisto- but definitely points out issues in the original Show.  All of the lies being told to keep He-Man secret are important.  You can talk about these things without being all 'I hate the original Show.'  I still love the original Show (and the 2003 Reboot).  It's alright.

If you can get past the shock of the updates and changes, it's a big adventure Show with deep Themes and ultimately is quite fun.  Can we all just get along now?

With a complete run, you can now see what the whole point of this was.  It is a fun Show with big stakes, big actions and more emotions than you might have thought possible from the Source Material.

Impossibly-Silly Cover Art: Amityville in Space (2022)

 As a low-level Blogger, I get invites and Screeners all of the time.
I don't cover alot of them.

I'm going to have to cover this one...

…words.

….I have no words.

Is this really serious?
Is this Satire?

I guess I'm going to find out!

Tubi Thursday: Werewolf Woman (1976)

 As March is Women's History Month, I might as well do something for that.

Instead of all of those Male Werewolves, let's cover a...

A woman in the 17th Century (or so) is targeted for being a Werewolf, killing a man that was part of the group hunting her.

This is, of course...

…a dream.  Or a vision.

Our Heroine is the ancestor of this woman (so she's played by the same Actress, of course).

She's traumatized by a (thankfully-not-shown) rape that happened to her at a young age.  Starting this Month off strong!

She's a bit unbalanced, freaking out after her Sister has sex with her Husband in private.

She lures him outside and kills him, freaking out more as you can see.

She's put under Doctor's care for her 'hysteria,' but manages to escape by killing a helpful Patient and Nurse.

She goes on a series of killings that involve her watching people have sex and then killing one (or both) of them.

She's not well and we have a Detective following her.

So the Film is Italian, but got a rewrite and English Dub (which I'm watching).

As such, I don't know if the Detective LITERALLY explaining Scenes we already saw was in that Version or just for us dumb Americans.

She finds happiness with a man in the Country, but the Film turns into Straw Dogs/I Spit on Your Grave when they kill him and have their way with her.

She goes further mad, kills them and is found in the Woods.

A bleak bit of narration just says that she died in a Mental Hospital and her Dad killed himself.  Fun!  The End.

Eh, it's not great.  I can't be 100% sure where the fault lies as this was rewritten (it has a separate Writer), recut a bit and Dubbed by an American Producer.

That said, the bulk of the Film boils down to a few things- people have implied sex, she watches, she freaks out and she kills people.  There's not much meat on the bone here, which would definitely disappoint all of you Lycanthropes out there.

For some of you, all of the Nudity is a plus.  Take that for what you will.

Werewolf Woman is mostly alot of freaking out, some sex and violence.  If you want that (but not an actual Werewolf), enjoy.

Just some sleazy Italian trash to end your day.  What more could you ask for?

New Streaming: Creepshow - 'Mums'

 After a short break, why not cover more Creepshow?

We're in Season 3, so let's start out with a tribute to...

A young man on a Farm has his life upended when his Mom's attempt to suddenly leave with him is interrupted.

She's taken away and now he's left with his Aunt, while his Dad and friend are up to something.

He knows that something is up, as his Dad is planning some sort of attack.

Oh no, White Nationalism on a Show- real life is invading fantasy or whatever.

Will he get to carry out his mission without interruption now that his Wife 'isn't around'...

…or will the Garden be the key to everything going wrong?

To find out, stream the Segment (and Episode) now.

A 'fun' Episode about a subject that is certainly not fun.  It's Horror, so it's fun in that way.  Make sense at all?

The Segment touches upon a bunch of rough things.  We have (implied) spousal abuse.  Domestic Terrorism.  Betrayal.  Death.  Freaky creatures.  Revenge.  It wouldn't be a Creepshow Segment without some revenge, no?

Without exact SPOILERS, I'll tell you that there's some freaky-deaky effects on display by the end.  Good Practical Effects on display here- as always.  The Acting is nice too, so it's not just a showcase for gore or crazy stuff.  The lead Kid Actor is especially good.

It's a fun, freaky way to start off the new Season and you even get to learn more about Flowers.  They're...scary?

Next time, some fans learn that fame comes with a price.  I'm sure it's not more Body Horror.  See you then...