Quick Reviews: Jurassic World- Fallen Kingdom

Thanks to the miracles of Cable and DVR Service, I got to finally watch this thing.  Is it as bad as everyone says?  Let's see...

In the wake of the Park's closing, a new entrepreneur is driven by his Granddaughter's love of Dinosaurs to save them from the Island.  You see...

The Volcano is finally erupting, so there's nothing to do but run.

Yes, this means that a Billionaire put a Dinosaur Park on an Island with a dormant volcano.  What an idiot!

This Act of the Film also tries to make it a bit of a Horror Film, just with Dinosaurs in place of Jason.  It's...a weird feel, to say the least.

As things get bad back on land, the Film does two big (to some degree) retcons.

1) Blue is now suddenly the super-smart, pack Leader.
2) Blue now feels empathy and seems to actually *love* Owen, as opposed to respect him.

Without SPOILing too many of the Film's obvious twists, I can tell you that they spend ALL OF THE THIRD ACT in a House with a Dinosaur or two.  Yea?

Can they stop a madman's evil (and silly) plans?  Can they escape the House?  Is this just Dino Crisis now?

To find out, watch the Film- now on Cable, Streaming and DVD/Blu-Ray.

Dumb, random stuff.  What is this Movie and who is it for?  Is it an Action Film designed to show off giant, CG Dinosaurs?  Is it a Horror Film designed to show off smaller, CG Dinosaurs?  Is it a Drama about how all Animals should be saved and respected?  Is it a buddy Film about Owen and some new Characters?  Is it a Political Allegory for the evolution of the Military Industrial Complex?  The whole Film is random and all over the map!  The parts on the Island are kind of neat.  It's too bad that the obvious twist- that the helpers aren't good- comes too early and leaves them little to work with.  Oh and it's blatantly a rehash of The Lost World (the last time they did a direct Jurassic Park Sequel).  Seriously, it's so freaking redundant!!!  Could you have tried just a little bit harder, Colin Trevorrow?  Actually, I saw The Book of Henry, so I know the answer to that!  To be fair, the Special Effects look great.  There is a nice mix of Dinosaurs and the Set Pieces are generally pretty darn good.  That said, the Plot is a big old mess and I can't look past it.  It also sets up a bizarre third Film that is guaranteed to come (since this Film broke a Billion).  That said, the Film did less than the first one- in a more competitive time- so here's hoping that they manage it better.  A good Jurassic Park Sequel is a rare thing- kind of like seeing Practical Effects.

Easily the silliest and most erratic Film in the Franchise.  It is preachy, dramatic, trying to be scary, vaguely-political and just plain dumb at times.

Immediate Response: Captain Marvel (2019)

As I'm a Marvel fan and want to be able to look at the Internet for 4 minutes without SPOILERS, I saw this one tonight.  Here we go...

The Good

- An interesting Story told in order, but with truths being revealed slowly throughout that make you rethink everything.
- The Acting is great, everyone getting an Arc and managing to be both funny and serious when necessary.
- Great Visuals, Writing, Production and Humor.
- The Soundtrack has enough '90s Classics on it without feeling forced.  It's great.
- Blockbuster and Radio Shack- nice!

The Bad

- Blockbuster and Radio Shark are gone now.  Don't let me down, Bend, Oregon!


Honestly, I don't have any real complaints.  I liked everything about the Film.

Can it be too 'on-the-nose?'  Maybe.  I didn't mind.

Go see it and make sure to Review it properly.  Stick it to the idiots AND support a damn good Film!

Quick Reviews: Tag (2015)

If you've ever been on the Internet, you've probably seen the opening to this Film.  

Want to know what the rest is like?  Read on...

As you probably know, a Bus full of girls on a trip is driving along until *something* chops off the top half of the vehicle...and them (save for one girl).

She's a mess as she escapes, sees more death and then...none of it happened?  Did it?!?

At School, she hangs out with her friends.  

They get on a weird tangent about Alternate Realities and one of them says this...

All seems normal later until...the Teacher just whips out a chain gun and kills everyone (save the same girl)!

All of the girls flee...in something that sure isn't more and more awkward to watch in America as time goes by.

Things get weirder as reality seems to warp and our Heroine is now...someone else.  Nice Wedding though.

I can hardly SPOIL this Film and I won't.  Instead, here's a context-less shot that sort of SPOILS things...kind of...not really.  Watch the Film.

This is weirder than I expected.  Yes, I do realize how that sounds.  Having only seen the Clip, I expected a certain level of weird.  The actual Film as a whole is far stranger than what it tells you though!  

Outside of the opening, it is chock full of more sudden, random gore.  Beyond that, it has a weird dream-like, fairy-tale element to the whole thing.  It's not long, but the Pacing definitely drags at times.  It has the feel in the later parts of a Director not wanting to cut a second of any Scene.  You can just picture him too- sitting at the back of a Theater and trying to see if the Audience is taking it all in.  That's his prerogative.  

It's also mine to point out how I'm not clear if this helps the Film at all.  The reveals at the end are odd and I'm not entirely-clear if they meant to be taken literally.  It's Japan- who's ever really sure?!?  It's interesting...but I was more interested in the first half of the Film.  

If you don't want to watch something in the vein of Jacob's Ladder or The Machinist, skip this one.  If you need to know what this is all about, watching the Film will help...mostly.  

Speaking of Tag, there's ANOTHER 2015 Film with the same name.   I'm...probably not going to review it, so feel free.

A strong opening, a confusing middle section and an even more confusing ending.  If you aren't in the mood for a real brain teaser, just stick with the clip.

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: The Savage Bees (Part 1)

A Bee is not an inherently-scary creature.

It is tiny.
It is cute.
It's a bug.

How do you make it scary?  The answer- giant skull!

Run for your life- the Screaming Skull has become gigantic!

Also, while I have you, Poster- where is the City exactly?  Are they running around in a post-apocalyptic wasteland?

Finally, is that guy in the front 'dabbing?!?'

Here's the original...

Mostly the same, but I added some contrast and sharpening to accent it all.  It's good, but very washed-out.

3,900th Post Celebration: Hard to Be A God (1989)

Another 100 Posts already?!?  This time, let me do something a little different and cover a Film that was already done- sort of.  Back in 2016, I had Bob do the 2012 Film Hard to Be A God, because it looked bleak, long and pretentious.  It was all 3 things.  In one of the Comments, someone told me to check out the original Version.  I didn't know that there was such a thing!  Here we are in 2019 and I finally did it.  I was tempted to just give it to Bob again- I won't lie.  Instead, I watched it with him, giving us the mixed experience to compare.  Should he find that he has more to say after I'm done, he'll post some sort of compare-contrast piece.  The big difference here is the Language.  This one was made before 'The Wall' came down, so it is all in German- just still made by Russians.  Will a USSR Version be vastly-different?  So what is the Story?  Unlike that Remake, this one is easy to decipher.  Shocking twist- they explain everything!  Aliens are monitoring a Planet that is behind them technologically/sociologically to see more in themselves.  One of them goes down and gets too close.  Will he break the Prime Directive?  To find out, read on...

A man rides into a Village in a strange land after reports of weird lights and dragons.  His identity is called into question, but he's still allowed to see a Prisoner.

Said Prisoner is...Werner Herzog?!?  What in the what now?!?

Anyhow, he talks about how he refuses to 'observe' them and the pair talk about conspicuous stuff like 'trackers' and 'chips.'

In the very next Scene, said Prisoner is abruptly-killed (bye, Werner!) and we learn that something is clearly up with our Lead as we see...

So now the truth comes out- he's an Alien observing the Society come to find his (now dead) friend.

He decides to stay and take up the guy's work, since dead and all.

His goal- find proof that the Society will advance by way of a thinker (e.c. Aristotle).  All the while, he's being observed, so they can double-down on the Theme.

He's looking for a particular man, which is good.  You see, every other one he finds- like a man who invented a printing press or a man who made a telescope- are being killed after he meets them.

The bleak Film gets a little more fun with the arrival of a big, brutish Baron.  He was the only levity in the Remake, but he has a little less work to do here.

After things seem too bad and our Hero finally tires of his relative-non-interference, he just says 'screw it' and goes into Action-Mode.

He might as well play a Deus Ex Machina since they already think that he's a Deus.

He does his best to save everyone left by just straight-up using his technology.  His Deus Ex Machina is broken up by...another Deus Ex Machina as the others show up, knock him out and leave with him.  The End.

A bleak Film that has its moments of good storytelling and creativity.  Let's be clear- this Film is not exactly all that uplifting.  Our Hero watches everyone around him die and he can do nothing about it.  He only has one 'victory' to speak of- saving the guy he was after.  Yes, it appears that the Society might change on its own, but it's not clear.  Other than those victories, he struggles to maintain his status as a passive observer.  The conflict is an interesting one and the Film benefits from its maximizing of this idea.  We see him observing.  We see people observing through him.  We see people observing the World separate of him.  Hell, we later see that someone is observing the people as they observe him!  It's a pretty easy Theme to decipher.  The Film is an interesting contrast of look and feel.  It looks like an '80s Sword and Sandal Film- like Deathstalker, Conan, etc.- but definitely has a different take!  This look and style makes the Film more accessible, I think, than, say, stark black and white must.  It's still a weird, preachy Film in either color scale.  If you like the deeper stuff and want something weird, check this out.  Another up it has on the Remake- only doing shots like this once or twice (and for good effect)…

That sure was worth the wait, no?  Here's to whatever weird thing I'll dig up for the 4,000th Post!

DCE-Hulu: Doom Patrol- 'Donkey Patrol'

I'm a bit late on this one, but being a little behind was no problem with Titans.  I'm WAY behind on that one, so let me play a little catch-up on this one now...

In the aftermath of what happened with the whole 'black hole' thing, the Team has a division.

In Detroit (since Geoff Johns is from there), Cyborg is trying to be a hero.  We see in flashbacks how he knows the Doctor, so he comes to help.

To note: his 'Dad' is Phil Morris, who was 'Martian Manhunter' on Smallville.  Big shoes to fill!

Negative Man is experiencing some issues, as his 'other half' is a separate entity on this Show and kind of pulls all of the strings.

At the Mansion, Robotman looks into Crazy Jane's past via a pile of VHS Tapes of her with the Doctor.

We're one Jared Harris away from this being The Quiet Ones 2!

Can the group get their act together and save everyone or is it too late for that?  Tell me what you think, Jane...

A solid follow-up that continues the weirdness.  The first Episode was good overall, but was clearly anchored by one man- Brendan Fraser.  He really had to carry it (mostly with his voice) due to the structure of it.  This time, the weight was carried more evenly by the Cast.  Timothy Dalton- my 2nd favorite Bond- gets a few Scenes to be likeable and all that.  Robotman still has his moments, which is nice.  The others- including Elastigirl and Negative Man- have nice moments as well.  Crazy Jane goes through about six or seven personalities/powers.  It's a bit cliché to be all 'I act like a little girl before getting violent' though, right?  It's fine, but...how many times have we seen this?  That said, seeing her powers (like above) is neat and I'm curious how many of them we're going to see in the course of the Episodes.  They never got to all of them in the Comics, so we'll see.  I didn't SPOIL most of the Plot here and I won't do that now.  It's weird and kind of fun.  The Nobody as a Narrator bit is fine now- just don't push it.  The Tone is all over the place, but it is still better than Titans.  Just tighten (no wordplay) it up a bit and you're good.  Nice literal shout-out to a Comic Book Writer too...

Next time, the group has new (read: some) resolve to stop Mr. Nobody.  Can they get it done?  See you then...

Rare Flix: The Masque of Red Death (1991)

A Film so good that it never made it to DVD.  How many Films exist in this limbo at this point?  Is it just Elves and Faces of Death IV?  The 1991 Version of The Masque of Red Death must love to be in such elite company.  This is a strange one for me.  I looked around for it for awhile.  It's not like I expected much- it Stars Frank Stallone.  That said, you want what you can't have.  A little while back, I found a beautiful haven of Dead Format Media and this Film was in there.  The Film was mine, even if it was only on VHS.  Is it good?  The Plot alleges that it is based on Poe's Story, but, well, it's not.  It's about a rich guy hosting a Party and people dying, but it's not the same.  It's on the edge of being 'a reimagination' of the Story, but even that is being generous.  This is technically both '80s Trash and '90s Trash as it was made in 1989, but just not released fully until 1991- yea.  Can the 'Star Power' of Herbert Lom, Frank Stallone and Brenda Vaccaro make this work?  To find out, read on...

A young woman is driving to a Party in Bavaria to get pictures of a Celebrity- as you do.

Before she gets there, she stops and wanders into a Crypt, freaks out...and it was all a dream.  F--k you too, Movie.

In the actual Story, she goes undercover to said Party dressed *allegedly* as Cupid.

The Party is a pretty garish affair, with a mix of supposedly-fancy setting and actually-cheap clothes.  As a bonus, a bad '80s Band to keep everyone Wang Chunging tonight!

A note on the Screencaps: VHS Copy means that I had to mine Google for these.

She has to get inside the social circle of the Owner- Lom- and that means hanging out with Duke- Frank Stallone.

I bet she's wishing for death now!

Oh thank God, it's a Killer...I mean, Oh God, it's a killer!

This masked man starts his spree with...a Waiter, but eventually moves on to other people like Vaccaro.

Can a group of Characters that range from dull-to-very-dull solve the mystery before they all die?

Or will the killer- who is not The Plague- get the final laugh?

Well, yes and no.  Everyone but the Reporter dies and so does the killer.  The End.

A pretty generic Film that has been mostly lost to time.  Is it a big loss though?  The Film generally looks nice, giving you something other than a Cabin or a Dormitory as a Set for a Slasher Film.  The Film only looks cheap when you notice all of the little details.  There's also the fact that it looks outdated for 1991, since it was actually made in 1989.  They already had a set- used for a different Film-, so they just made another Film real fast.  The Story is pretty nonexistent, mostly consisting of random Subplots and Character Moments.  None of them really feel *that* impactful or exciting.  Do I care if the Reporter gets back with her ex-boyfriend?  Do I care if the Model gets respected?  Do I care if they all don't trust the Butler?  If the Story is pretty nothing, are the kills at least notable?  Kind of.  The first one is pretty bloody and there are *some* inspired moments there.  You just have to slog through the nothing Plot, so-so Pacing and bad '80s Music to get there.  Want me to really sum up how generic this is (setting aside)?  As our Final Girl leaves, she has to go past the skewered villain and she does so...very slowly.  Once she turns her face away, the killer's eyes pop open and grabs her...before dying.  That's just sad.  Speaking of sad, compare the so-so mask and outfit for our Killer to the one most commonly-used in big Stage Productions of 'Red Death'...

Next time, I finish off the works of a Director that I dealt with for a long time.  Will Seven be his lucky number?  Stay tuned...

DCE-Hulu: Titans- 'Koriand'r'

After a short break, I figured that I might as well wrap this stuff up.

In spite of said break and the gap put in for no good reason, I'm still curious to see how this plays out from Episode 8's Cliffhanger...

Starfire loses control and tries to kill Raven.  Kind of cutting the tension, Robin arrives seconds after the turn, but isn't enough to stop this on his own...

After all that is over, there's tension at the Home.  Mom is acting weird, Starfire drives off and Beast Boy is feeling *sigh* angsty.

He's feeling all sorts of other things too.  Things are not...great for him right now.

On a side note, I'm sorry that they made you look like The Joker.

Away from 'home,' Starfire, Robin and Donna make a strange discovery in a Barn.  It's not an old car or some records- it's much weirder!

To find out where this all goes, watch the Show!

A decent effort at times, but pretty dull at others.  So, let's review the overall Pacing in recent Episodes.  Episode 8 had a pretty solid pace, leading to a climax.  Episode 9 was complete filler, barely making the effort to even pretend that it mattered where it was in orders.  After that gap, Episode 10...is really slow-paced.  Enough good/interesting stuff happens to make it more than filler, but not nearly enough.  We get even more explanation of Starfire's connection to Raven.  It's a shame that they already gave us so much, making this a little redundant.  The only real twist in it is a confusing one.  The Cult of Trigon was using pawns like The Nuclear Family to get Raven to use her powers to free their Master.  They also locked up the Mom, who was seemingly-against the whole thing, hence her captivity.  Now we learn that she...was trying to help Trigon all along?!?  What in the what now?!?  Oh yeah- SPOILER.  Seriously though, how much sense does this make?  Was she secretly-evil as part of a plan that makes no sense?  Did she just not bother to tell the Cult that she was evil, making this part just dumb?  Did she somehow turn evil in the small time gap?  Is there a good explanation for this?  It's a Twist just to have a twist and it's dumb.  This continues to drag and get mired down in silly/stupid stuff.  I'm really counting on this Finale to pull me in...

Next time, the Season Finale is here and things get big.  Will they legitimately get good though?  See you then...

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art?: The Red Queen Kills Seven Times

A great Title.
A great hook.
A barely-talked about Film.

Will showing you the Italian Poster help?  Let's find out...

Nice!

It has a neat, experimental look to it that feels right for the time-period.

Great use of color and good enough that I didn't mess with it one bit.