Strange Killers: Sasquatch Hunters

Just for the record: nobody actually hunts a Sasquatch.  Lying right off the bat- always a good sign!  Today's film is 2005's Sasquatch Hunters, a movie about...well, guess.  You'd guess wrong, of course, unless the thing is based solely on the 3 guys who die right at the beginning.  Is that the idea?  The Film is *actually* about a bunch of people who go out to the Woods to find fossil evidence of Bigfoot and shit goes down.  I guess Sasquatch Archaeologists wasn't as cool...and may have been confusing.  Note to self: write a Film about Sasquatches investigating Post-Apocalyptic life in the year 2448.  Nobody else read that.  Anyhow, this one doesn't really do too much that's unique or interesting...but I already watched it.  Mine doesn't have Bill Oberst Jr like Maynard's did, but it does have...nobody I can recognize.  Shit.  Oh well, Bears crap in the Woods and people make crappy Bigfoot Movies in the Woods too.  Is that really bad or just kind of bad?  To find out, hike on...

These three are looking for Bigfoot and failing at Comic Relief.  They are also in the Opening, so...

...they die from a static image of Bigfoot lunging at them.  Great start, guys.

After that, we get the basic Setup: a Science Group is going to be led out into th Woods by some Rangers and our hero, a guy with a 'tragic mishap on a trip' back-story.

They aren't looking for an actual Sasquatch now.  They are just looking for fossil evidence to prove that they were and/or are still around in a mostly-deserted stretch of Woods.  POV!

The one surviving Hunter spots our Cast and tries to call out for help, but is killed.  A nice, sudden moment...killed by the terrible CG Models used to do it.  Aw.

They find a Bigfoot Burial Ground (better title!) and celebrate this discovery.  People start to vanish...

The group is freaked out when the bones are reburied while they are away.  They flee and end up...at the Cabin by the people they talked about earlier who originally found some bones.  What are the odds?!?

As the Cast is whittle down, they continue to try and escape.  Cue the not-quite-realistic CG Models.

After some drama, our heroes drive away slowly from some guys in black...er, Bigfoots.  The End.

This is really not that good.  It isn't really that terrible though either.  It is just kind of 'meh.'  The idea of killer Bigfoot is not bad.  The idea of being stuck in the Woods and hunted by killer Bigfoots is also good.  It is certainly better than, say, a magic Bigfoot that can teleport.  Who would make something that stupid?!?  The problem is that the Writing isn't that great, the Acting isn't that great and the whole thing just feels kind of cheap.  They briefly use practical effects like suits, which is nice.  All I can figure is that they couldn't get the faces right, so they use awkward CG Models when the full body and face are shown.  How bad could the face be?  The CG here is just not that good and is really distracting.  They do accomplish some interesting moments, like when the group is split up and stalked in the Woods.  The trade-off is that I'm not sure HOW they got separated when they are all running towards the same location.  Regardless, the Film is just kind of run of the mill.  When you consider how much Bigfoot stuff there is- from In Search Of to The Asylum's Bigfoot- that isn't good.  You have to do something to stand out a little...but they don't.  Enjoy that silly CG Bigfoot face one more time...

Next up, we'll stick to the Ape-like theme.  I'm going to do all TEN Films from one 'Kong'-related DVD set- fun!  Stay tuned...

Post-Holidays Flix: The Plague Dogs

While I didn't do Watership Down on Easter, I am going to do the follow-up on Monday.  That make up for it?  The Director's follow-up to the 1979 Animated Classic is another Book Adaptation.  It is another Book about Animals that isn't exactly light-hearted.  The Film is 1982's The Plague Dogs.  It tells the tale of two Dogs that escape from a Test Facility and try to make it to freedom.  Life in the wild isn't easy though, especially when the most dangerous predator- man- is on your trail too!  Like the more famous Film, this is a bit dark, very realistic and not for young kids.  The realistic, hand-painted look works really well in its favor.  On the flip-side, it is so effective in its message that it may be too much for some.  In other words, it is just like Watership Down.  Is it as good though?  To find out, read on...

These two Dogs are being tested on by some pretty bad Scientists.  One of them had a piece of its brain removed!  What product is that testing for?

Speaking of that dog, he has a sad back-story involving his Master saving him from a truck...and dying...and the dog being locked up because of it.  Not for Kids!

They narrowly escape and now must adapt to life on the outside.  It...is a bit of an adjustment.

They befriend a Fox, who helps them survive by feeding on the local wildlife.  They soon get noticed.

In their defense, would you want to go back to this place?  Especially after they claim to have injected you with a Plague?!?

They manage to survive, but things don't always go their way.  In fact, they usually don't!

For example, this Hunter is accidentally killed by the smaller dog (while being dumb!) and the pressure is increased to catch and/or kill them.

As the Military moves in, they swim for a nearby Island and...the Film ends.  Decide for yourself, I guess.  The End.

This one got me and I'm not even a dog person.  I don't hate them- I just like cats better.  They make you earn it, you know?  All of the reasons that Watership Down is good are the same reasons that this is.  It isn't the same Movie, but it hits the same beats.  The Animals are cute, except for when they end up being terrifying.  The Film has an obvious message- Animal Testing is Bad- and certainly makes a good case for it.  It literally begins with a dog being nearly drowned as part of a test.  No introduction for you!  The Film does a good job of almost never showing a human's face.  They show a few, but it is done sparingly.  This is the dogs' tale, not ours!  They make great protagonists and you really feel for them.  Hell, I even started to care about the fox!  This is a very nice and pretty movie about a not so nice and not so pretty subject matter.  If you love Watership, you must see this.  If that one was too much for you, I have a more tentative recommendation for this one.  If nothing else, it has Picard in it!

Up next, the Sasquatch strikes!  Naturally, it strikes a bunch of nobodies in the Woods.  Stay tuned...

Gained in Translation?: Night of the Lepus

On this special day, I watch a special Film: Night of the Lepus.

In keeping with that tradition, I decided to feature some German Cover Art for the Film.  As it turns out though, this one is actually....more honest than the regular one.

No, really.

A little silly- maybe?  The image of the giant, flaming Rabbit head is pretty sweet though!

Flame Rabbit- coming soon to Syfy?  Make it happen!

Oh and I'll have a Holiday Review of sorts up for tomorrow.  That's still a Holiday according to my Adventure Time Calendar. 

Twin Piqued: Realization Time

Since it is Saturday, we return to this old mystery from the Town of...

This week, we are nearly to the Season 1 Finale, so all sorts of shit is going to go down...

Important Stuff

- Audrey makes her move on Cooper, but he shuts that down.  That doesn't stop her from scheming her way from working at the Makeup Counter to working at One Eyed Jacks.

- The Teen Detectives look for the missing tape from Laura's sessions with the Doctor.  We know that he has it (Episde 2, I think) and they trick him into leaving, so they can steal it.

- The Mynah Bird has to be coaxed into talking, but does...before Leo shoots it!  It manages to mimic some key phrases from the night of the murder into a Tape Recorder though.

- Some sort of double and/or triple dealing is going on with the Mill.  Who is Jocelyn really working with?
- The Bookhouse Boys go undercover at One Eyed Jacks and meet Jacque...

Theme(s)

Scheming and Duplicitous Acts are the name of the game here.  Audrey schemes her way into an interview, lies when she gets there and does the old 'Cherry Stem' trick to get hired.

The Teen Detectives dress up Laura's Cousin as her (since she's the same Actress) to trick the Doctor into leaving.  Meanwhile, someone watches them...and someone watches the person watches them!

Oh and someone puts sugar in their gas tank.

In a lesser way, Cooper is breaking protocol to investigate Jacks (which is outside of Twin Peaks).

Lastly, Leo shoots a bird!  Just...damn, man!!!

Wacky Stuff

While not necessarily the weirdest thing this week (that may be Cooper's Coffee Fetish), seeing this on my Subtitles made me laugh.

Another good Episode all around.  Audrey comes off especially well here...even though she also comes off like a terrible person.  For playing the part so well and just being so bad, she's great.  Make sense?  Everyone here does a good job, whether they have a big part like Cooper or a small one like the Doctor.  The key is that the Show and Mystery still have to seem fresh and accessible after all this time.  Thanks to the presentation, it still does.  You have to not ask obvious questions like 'Why don't they all have Cell Phones,' since this was made in 1990.  The whole thing is sometimes too complicated for most, which is why the show even now has such a niche audience.  While it is definitely complicated and convoluted, it is nice to feel 'on my toes' at all times without cheating.  Everything you need to know is slowly being revealed.  As of this Episode, they are playing fair.  Hopefully that remains true.  At this point, it is pretty clear what all happened, but I just know that something is going to happen.  Aside from the mystery, they do a nice job of putting all sorts of people/actions in place.  What will happen next?  I genuinely don't know.  Although I do now have something to track down...

Next week, we have the Season 1 Finale.  Who will live and who will die?!?  See you then.

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Shatter

As a bonus for yesterday's Review, here is another Poor Bastard...

In Shatter, the titular Spy is stuck in Hong Kong after a bad mission and laying low.  He's staying in a Hotel that is slightly more than just a Hotel.  Wink wink.

It seems that Shatter wasn't laying low enough...

Boom goes the dynamite- or in this case an RPG.

Naturally, they don't get Shatter, but they do get someone else...

So yeah him and the lady inside are killed.  Shatter lives just fine.

The lesson: apparently avoid proximity to Main Characters at all costs.  Guns don't kill people- Main Characters being near others kill people!

Rare Flix: Shatter

An idea this weird and random couldn't possibly go wrong.  This is hard to explain, so stay with me.  In their latter days, Hammer made a 3-Picture Deal with Shaw Brothers, another famous Studio.  They made...2 Films and this was the 2nd.  Why no 3rd Film?  Good question.  I'm guessing it had to do with money.  The first was The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, an odd mix of Horror and Kung-Fu.  The Film is notable for a mostly Chinese Cast, save for a British Dracula and Peter Cushing in his final portrayal of Van Helsing.  Unfortunately, it is not that great, unless the idea of Dracula recoiling from a Golden Buddha makes a good Film for you.  So that leads us to today's Film- Shatter.  This 1974 Film also features Cushing and a mostly-Chinese Cast.  In addition, we have Stuart 'Remember When I Fought Giant Bunnies' Whitman playing the titular Spy.  In this Film, the Spy does a job, but then all things go to hell.  Will he live to kill another day?  To find out, read on...

Mr. Shatter kills an African Warlord and all goes pretty smoothly.  Kudos for the Camera Gun.

He goes to China (where he totally wasn't before!) and awaits payment for his mission.

The problem: he was tricked.  He was actually hired by a Mobster to do it.  Now he's stuck.

Why does this sound familiar?

He has to get the people behind the trick and he must turn to a decent Bruce Lee stand-in for that.

They get to Cushing (in one of his 3 Scenes) and set up a trap for the real culprits.

Sadly, not everyone makes it there.  To be fair, she was a sibling to one and a love interest to Shatter.

We get a decent kung-fu fight mixed with Whitman...not doing kung-fu (yea!) to wrap things up.

The real culprits (and their dummies) are taken care of in a pretty satisfactory way.

Whitman is paid off by Cushing (in his final Hammer Scene ever!) and leaves.  Okay.  The End.

An odd end for one of Hammer's finest.  The Film is honestly not that bad, despite its reputation.  It was once a hard-to-find Film, apparently skipping a VHS Release.  It is available now- obviously- and turned out to be pretty good.  There is some dispute over the Film's Credits as well.  Basically, they hired a guy to Direct it...and then eventually fired him before it was done.  Thankfully, the President of Hammer was there to finish the job...and take the sole Directing Credit.  According the original Director on Commentary, most of what he shot still ended up in the final Film, so...weird.  The good and bad parts here are the mix of Genres.  It is mostly-Kung-Fu, with a dash of Spy thrown in.  You don't get any cool gadgets after the Camera Gun, so just enjoy that one.  As a Kung-Fu Film, it works quite well.  As a Spy Film, it is a bit lacking.  Although it is *amazingly* similar to the basic Plot of Burn Notice.  Coincidence?  Maybe.  It is such an exact Plot though...so I don't know.  Regardless, this is a forgotten little Film that you would never guess was Produced by Hammer.  They were better at Horror though.  Right, Japanese Hitler?

Next up, let's jump to the 00s and see some crap.  When in doubt, go Bigfoot.  Stay tuned...

The Early History of Asian Actors in Hollywood

Alot of attention is paid to American and British Actors in the 1930s and 40s.  People like Clark Gable, Cary Grant and Buster Crabbe stole the spotlight.

Let's fix this, shall we?

First up, let's take a look at the great Asian Actor who took on the role of 'Mr. Moto' in 4 Feature-Length Films...

How about this forgotten Character Actor from the infamous Poverty Row Films?  The Film Quality is no excuse for ignoring this Star Quality...

Let's not forget that Chinese Actors also got to play Detectives.  For example, the famous Charlie Chan.  Not once...

...but twice.  Good for you, fellas!

Obviously, you can't avoid playing a Villain as a distinguished Japanese Actor.  Go for it!

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that some of these great Actors were keeping up the tradition going into the 1970s and 80s.  Charlie Chan- show your stuff!

In closing, it is really nice to see these great Actors of Color in, well, Color.  Technilicious!

Next time, let's look at the great history of African-American Actors from the early days of Cinema.

It isn't all Natives.  Sometimes, they are...working for the guy who is visiting the Natives.

I can't wait and I know that you can't either!





Oh and APRIL FOOLS!