Sunday, March 16, 2014
Project Perfectly Acceptable: Frankenstein: The College Years
Welcome back to Project Terrible! Tonight's movie comes to us from Al, my fellow blogger here at his site.
I have to admit, I've been pretty lucky this round. Dance or Die was pretty much okay, and now Frankenstein: The College Years turns out to be a perfectly acceptable bit of cheesy 90's comedy. I'm not going to go heavily into things in this review because, honestly, this isn't a bad way to spend an hour and a half if you don't mind some fairly goofball comedy and watching the early 90's distilled into movie form.
This is a pretty decent little lighthearted comedy. It has a weird but fun premise, and it makes the most of it. We're promised Frankenstein's Monster in a college setting, and that's pretty much exactly what we get. If you're interested in that, you're probably going to enjoy this film enough to justify the time to watch it. If you're not interested in that, well, that's all this film is, so you can safely skip it.
So, here's the idea. Frankenstein: The College Years is the story of two college students who carry on the research of their favorite professor, who passed on suddenly. That work happens to be the reanimation of Frankenstein's Monster, because the science used to create him might lead to perfect organ transplant treatments with no chance of rejection (the idea being that this thing was made by combining parts from loads of different bodies, so Dr. Frankenstein must have figured out a way to stop them from rejecting each other). Meanwhile, an ambitious professor also discovers the project and wants to take the monster for himself to gain fame and fortune. As you might guess, the students manage to reanimate the monster, have to hide him, and hijinks ensue. (It bears noting that this is quite similar to the slightly later Encino Man, which features a similar plot with a caveman rather than Frankenstein's Monster.)
The film, by large, is put together well. Decent actors and writing are matched by good direction, it just works on whole. It mostly moves quickly and keeps up a good pace, and is an easy watch in that respect. Your mileage may vary on the humor. Some is clever, while some is fairly standard 90's sarcasm and smug faces. I kind of alternated between enjoying it, and wanting to punch the heroes in the face, but I leaned more towards the former for the majority of the film. The plot is pretty much exactly what you'd expect, with no major twists. It's acceptable, but as I'll get into a little bit below, there could be a lot more done to make the characters sympathetic. It sometimes feels more like a sequence of events than a story, albeit a sequence of events that does tie together in a logical progression.
This is the part where I would often say something about "I can see the people involved in this film going on to do great things in the future if they refine their craft," but hey, this was made in 1991...so I can tell you what some went on to do. Director Tom Shadyac became quite the director, responsible for several good films including Liar Liar, Patch Adams, and Bruce Almighty. (And Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, but no one's perfect...I kid, I kid.) Christopher Daniel Barnes, who plays one of the two students, Jay, went on to a successful voice acting career, notably including the lead role in the exceptional 1994-1998 Spider-Man show. Our other lead, William Ragsdale (playing Mike), earlier starred in Fright Night, but has largely dropped out of the leading roles since--though he's had quite a career featuring a wide variety of recurring roles on various television shows. And our evil professor Loman? He's the very funny Larry Miller, who shows up...uh, basically everywhere.
So, basically, what we have here is a fun early effort from people who would by and large go on to hone their craft and have fulfilling careers. I don't think this will go down as the finest work for any of them, but I don't think it's something any should feel shame over, either.
Now, that's not to say it's entirely without problems. I mentioned above that this feels somewhat more like a series of connected events than a full story, and I should explain that a bit more. What's the difference? Well, basically, what happens here is that while we do get a connected plot and don't seem to miss out on details, there's not really any sense of adequate build to much of anything. The majority of the film consists of random hijinks with Frankenstein's Monster (who gets named Frank N. Stein, by the way, but don't worry--the movie is aware that's actually the name of the scientist), as he lumbers around the college, drinks beer, ends up on the football team, goes on dates, and busts a move. It varies between "oh, ha-ha, okay, move on," and actually pretty hilarious depending on the scene (the bit with him breaking it down on the dance floor is pretty glorious, while the football practice kind of belabors its point...a lot), but really there's little sense of plot development until a sudden spurt of everything happening at once about 20 minutes from the end of the film.
The fault largely lies with the part of the plot surrounding professor Loman, who makes his ambitions clear but doesn't really present much of a threat for most of the film. It would be much stronger if our heroes had to face off against Loman more directly, but Loman doesn't really get any information he needs to be evil until late in the film, so despite the fact that the guys are utterly failing to hide the fact that they have a gigantic reanimated monster running around campus (and, again, even name him Frank N. Stein in an attempt to disguise him as a student), he pretty much sits in his office trying to translate Dr. Frankenstein's notes for most of the film rather than being a more active threat.
I know that sounds like a small issue to harp on, but it hurts the film a lot. Without an active threat, we don't have tension, and without tension, we don't have character development, and without character development, it isn't much of a story. It's really notable how much things improve once we finally do get that late movie tension. It goes from kind of a sketch comedy show involving putting Frank N. Stein in various normal life situations and watching him do weird things, to a movie about two students trying to save their reanimated friend from being doomed to a life of lab tests and scientific exhibitions. It's just a shame it didn't hit that point earlier in the film.
Aside from that, the problems are more minor. The humor can be hit or miss, but your mileage may vary on that depending on your particular tastes. Nothing's offensive, but some is pretty cheesy, and sometimes the film reaches too far for a joke...or worse, pretty much explains or lampshades it. There are a few bizarre running gags, such as the monster falling over in the dorms and shaking the entire building (I really don't think he's that heavy) or footballs repeatedly landing in Loman's lab assistant's pasta for no reason other than that the movie seems to hate the poor guy.
There are plotholes as well, and while they can honestly be forgiven in some part since this is pretty much intended as basic comedy, it still bears noting that there is no way you could just pop onto a college machine, add a fake student with no sign of any backup documentation, get him on the football team and in the newspaper, and not 1) Get caught immediately or 2) Immediately alert the evil professor you're supposedly hiding this guy from. Now, to the film's credit, our heroes do get caught and do alert the evil professor specifically because of this, but 1) It takes far too long, and 2) if they're supposed to be smart, why the heck would they go about things this way? This is mitigated a bit by the fact that it's honestly a little uncertain just how lengthy the timeline of the film is, so it's possible that we're really only talking about one or two nights rather than a longer period, but it feels like a long time.
Additionally, Vincent Hammond, who plays the monster, is okay, but feels almost embarrassed by the role at times. His monster voice is a little too...self-aware? Basically, he's a big actor putting on a Frankenstein's Monster impression, rather than being Frankenstein's Monster. It's a little thing, but it's one of those cases where the person himself doesn't quite seem to believe the role, so it's hard for the audience to get into it either.
I won't go into the ending, but I do have to note that there's a bit of deus ex machina involved, though it's a deus ex machina with a little bit of setup earlier in the film if you're listening closely. Maybe a bit of Chekov's gun in the form of passing mention of self-education? Anyway, the ending does involve a few handwaves in how the students are able to accomplish quite a number of tasks, and Frank himself demonstrating some abilities that are only barely justified, so it feels weak. Somewhat funny, but weak. Even in a comedy, you have to build to an ending, and this doesn't feel like it did so very well.
Honestly, though, I have to reach pretty heavily to find anything particularly noteworthy to bring up as a negative here. You may or may not like the film, but it is competently made and can be pretty fun. I can't say I'd recommend going out to see it right away, but if the general idea sounded like fun, you might have a good time watching it. Terrible? Definitely not. Perfectly acceptable 90's cheese--nothing exceptional, but nothing bad either.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Oh, Japan: Apartment 1303
I think I've already seen this movie- like 100 times. Today's film is Apartment 1303, the original version from Japan that is. Right away, I have a problem. Like I said, this movie is very familiar. I'm not even the biggest watcher of J-Horror/K-Horror Films either. I've tried to touch upon the classics like Ringu (and related films in the series), but generally avoid the more standard fare. I tend to like my Japanese films to be crazy as shit. Flying (and size-changing) sharks, tuna rolls humping each other and Japanese people talking about how they want to kill those damn Japanese- that's what I want! So what is this film about? It's about a ghost or two in an Apartment that leads to Japanese girls/ladies being killed. How unique. I did agree to watch this and the American Remake, so let me just jump right in without more stalling...
Girl moves into the titular Apartment. Stall, stall, stall. Ghost shows up and she falls off of the balcony just as the boyfriend arrives.
A month later, a new girl moves into the same apartment. Stall, stall stall. Ghost appears and makes her go crazy. She eats some dog food, puts on a helmet (for a good reason) and...
...jumps off of the balcony. Sadly, this is the best that the visual effects for falling people get.
The Sister moves in to figure out what happened. Her Mother is a bit manic-depressive and tends to lash out. Throw that in with the angry people at the Funeral and you have a really-bleak movie. Yeah...
In Plot Cliche #457, she talks to a Police Officer/Expert about all of the mysterious deaths. If you think that this will actually affect the plot in any major way, then you are sorely-mistaken.
At least when Suspiria did this 30 years earlier, it was a bit more fresh.
Eventually we get a clear glimpse on what happened.
Basically, a lady and her young daughter moved into the Apartment. The mom went crazy- for no clear reason- and eventually had to be killed by the Daughter, who, in turn, killed herself by jumping out the Window. That help?
It is also worth noting that she gets this information from a book written about the series of mysterious suicides that seem to keep taking place in the Apartment. So...how does nobody in the film know about this beforehand?
For the climax, she arrives after more deaths (see a future Poor Bastards of Cinema for that) and decides to go up by herself...even though the Police are downstairs. She meets the angry ghosts, which seem to include the Mother, the little girl and the adult form of the same girl.
This visual is neat and all, but how can you have BOTH ghosts of the same person there? Is that how ghosts work now?
Since the whole film has been bleak and dreary, we get a dark ending that solves nothing. Joy. The End.
I don't hate it. I really don't. I just...well, I just don't care. No offense to those involved, but you made nothing new. They managed to do the same old shit pretty well, but it is still the same old shit. I know that some people don't mind this- good for you. I just want more in a film than 'here is what worked before' and nothing more. The pacing is still off. The tone is still super-bleak (even by J-Horror standards). I will say that it was easier to follow than the last few of these I saw like Reincarnation (released as an After Dark film for some reason) and The Wig. Am I the audience for this one? Probably not. I just watched a film today and got two Horror previews with it- Deliver Us From Evil (not the one with horny French girls) and Oculus (which is just Mirror, Mirror) When I saw them, I called every 'jump scare' and just felt ashamed. They were just...so uninspired. That is the biggest problem: apathy. You may like this film alot more than I do. I can live with that. I will stick with the bat-shit insane stuff like ass-chainsaws and sword-boobs that Japan puts out. Kudos for the silly Production Company name though...
Next, let's celebrate St. Patrick's Day. I will either touch upon a weird kid's film or re-visit a quirky gem. Stay tuned...
Girl moves into the titular Apartment. Stall, stall, stall. Ghost shows up and she falls off of the balcony just as the boyfriend arrives.
A month later, a new girl moves into the same apartment. Stall, stall stall. Ghost appears and makes her go crazy. She eats some dog food, puts on a helmet (for a good reason) and...
...jumps off of the balcony. Sadly, this is the best that the visual effects for falling people get.
The Sister moves in to figure out what happened. Her Mother is a bit manic-depressive and tends to lash out. Throw that in with the angry people at the Funeral and you have a really-bleak movie. Yeah...
In Plot Cliche #457, she talks to a Police Officer/Expert about all of the mysterious deaths. If you think that this will actually affect the plot in any major way, then you are sorely-mistaken.
At least when Suspiria did this 30 years earlier, it was a bit more fresh.
Eventually we get a clear glimpse on what happened.
Basically, a lady and her young daughter moved into the Apartment. The mom went crazy- for no clear reason- and eventually had to be killed by the Daughter, who, in turn, killed herself by jumping out the Window. That help?
It is also worth noting that she gets this information from a book written about the series of mysterious suicides that seem to keep taking place in the Apartment. So...how does nobody in the film know about this beforehand?
For the climax, she arrives after more deaths (see a future Poor Bastards of Cinema for that) and decides to go up by herself...even though the Police are downstairs. She meets the angry ghosts, which seem to include the Mother, the little girl and the adult form of the same girl.
This visual is neat and all, but how can you have BOTH ghosts of the same person there? Is that how ghosts work now?
Since the whole film has been bleak and dreary, we get a dark ending that solves nothing. Joy. The End.
I don't hate it. I really don't. I just...well, I just don't care. No offense to those involved, but you made nothing new. They managed to do the same old shit pretty well, but it is still the same old shit. I know that some people don't mind this- good for you. I just want more in a film than 'here is what worked before' and nothing more. The pacing is still off. The tone is still super-bleak (even by J-Horror standards). I will say that it was easier to follow than the last few of these I saw like Reincarnation (released as an After Dark film for some reason) and The Wig. Am I the audience for this one? Probably not. I just watched a film today and got two Horror previews with it- Deliver Us From Evil (not the one with horny French girls) and Oculus (which is just Mirror, Mirror) When I saw them, I called every 'jump scare' and just felt ashamed. They were just...so uninspired. That is the biggest problem: apathy. You may like this film alot more than I do. I can live with that. I will stick with the bat-shit insane stuff like ass-chainsaws and sword-boobs that Japan puts out. Kudos for the silly Production Company name though...
Next, let's celebrate St. Patrick's Day. I will either touch upon a weird kid's film or re-visit a quirky gem. Stay tuned...
Friday, March 14, 2014
Moon Over Miami: Dr. Moreau's House of Pain
This film actually had me yearning for a morbidly-obese former Star sweating all over the place. Today's film is Dr. Moreau's House of Pain, a film by *say it with me* Full Moon. Yeah, The Last Wave was too good and arty for me to review. Dammit- why did I get a good film AND a Full Moon one. I never stood a chance! For those of you who didn't get my earlier reference, the most famous version of the Dr. Moreau tale is the 1996 version Starring Marlon Brando in all of his sweaty, pasty glory. Look- the guy was a Legend, but things just got embarrassing near the end. Speaking of embarrassing, this Full Moon Film. First off, notice something about the title? Yeah, there's no Island here. Why? It's Full Moon- they couldn't afford it! Sad, but true. Every other version- whether it is the 1996 one, the 1977 one, the 1972 one,the 1959 one or the 1932 one- is set on an Island at least. Hell, even the one done on the Silver Surfer Cartoon was at least a new Planet. You may say 'Hey- this sets it apart.' Yeah, but not so much in a good way. There are some unique things going on here, but I'll let you decide whether or not they're good. To find out how to do a classic tale for only $300,000, read on...
For some reason, this film is set in the 1930s. I would like to say that I know why...but I don't. It adds nothing.
Anyhow, this lady hires a Detective for something and this Reporter lady tags along.
The Detective has a personal reason for taking this job of finding a guy: it's his brother. If you think that it goes anywhere, you would be wrong. Full Moon is kind of a tease like that.
Oh and he was in the Evil Bong films. Joy.
He tries to find the guy by way of one of his comrades. Said comrade gets forceful with a Stripper- since all Full Moon Films must find a pretense for boobs- and...she Riki-Ohs him! Holy crap!
This movie just peaked at about five minutes in. Shit.
The trio track her to the titular house- which I think was the setting of Petrified- and captured by some Mutants. They are the creation of the titular Doctor, but there's a catch...
He's actually working for this silly-looking guy under duress. He wants the Doctor to save his Daughter by way of his crazy experiments.
So, just to note, the House is not the Doctor's. So it is Weird Asian Guy's House of Pain, huh?
Stay creepy, people in obvious rubber masks- stay creepy.
You all know how this goes right? The bad guys die, the good guys live and you're just generally-disinterested.
Since I can't be bothered to explain more, here's a shot of a goofy face of death.
...and one more. Why not?
All is well, although apparently mutant strippers are now a thing. Feel free to guess how this happened, why this matters and if you care. The End.
Eegad, this is bad! Let's diagram this, shall we? We get Charles Band covering well-worn territory- see my note about all of the previous Versions throughout the last 82 years- badly and with very little unique thought. Much like The Asylum doing a Remake of Freaks, I can only ask 'Why?' Seriously, was he just home one night playing with his Puppet Master Toys and stumbled across The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996) playing on HBO-Ugh!!! for no good reason? He must have thought 'I can waste $300,000 of my Investors' money by making this thing again, only with one Stripped and implied bestiality.' It makes me wonder what Lloyd Kauffman is doing to inspire his films. I'd rather not know, personally, but I do wonder sometimes. What do they do right? Well, they definitely make some freaky-looking mutants at times. I was never EVER convinced that they were remotely-real, but they were real freaky. That's something, I guess. On the plus side, I think there was only really one Puppet used in some form here. For most Studios, that would be no big deal. For Full Moon, however, doing a film with that little Puppet action would be like Wes Craven doing a film about a woman teaching Violin to inner city School Students. Crazy talk! One piece of advice: don't try to watch this and a good Film in the same night. For all of you big-time Full Moon fans, it is passable. I will leave you with this thought: stay classy, Full Moon.
Next up, I tackle a Japanese film that I have already discussed to death in some form. After all of the Cover talk, will the film be worth it?
For some reason, this film is set in the 1930s. I would like to say that I know why...but I don't. It adds nothing.
Anyhow, this lady hires a Detective for something and this Reporter lady tags along.
The Detective has a personal reason for taking this job of finding a guy: it's his brother. If you think that it goes anywhere, you would be wrong. Full Moon is kind of a tease like that.
Oh and he was in the Evil Bong films. Joy.
He tries to find the guy by way of one of his comrades. Said comrade gets forceful with a Stripper- since all Full Moon Films must find a pretense for boobs- and...she Riki-Ohs him! Holy crap!
This movie just peaked at about five minutes in. Shit.
The trio track her to the titular house- which I think was the setting of Petrified- and captured by some Mutants. They are the creation of the titular Doctor, but there's a catch...
He's actually working for this silly-looking guy under duress. He wants the Doctor to save his Daughter by way of his crazy experiments.
So, just to note, the House is not the Doctor's. So it is Weird Asian Guy's House of Pain, huh?
Stay creepy, people in obvious rubber masks- stay creepy.
You all know how this goes right? The bad guys die, the good guys live and you're just generally-disinterested.
Since I can't be bothered to explain more, here's a shot of a goofy face of death.
...and one more. Why not?
All is well, although apparently mutant strippers are now a thing. Feel free to guess how this happened, why this matters and if you care. The End.
Eegad, this is bad! Let's diagram this, shall we? We get Charles Band covering well-worn territory- see my note about all of the previous Versions throughout the last 82 years- badly and with very little unique thought. Much like The Asylum doing a Remake of Freaks, I can only ask 'Why?' Seriously, was he just home one night playing with his Puppet Master Toys and stumbled across The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996) playing on HBO-Ugh!!! for no good reason? He must have thought 'I can waste $300,000 of my Investors' money by making this thing again, only with one Stripped and implied bestiality.' It makes me wonder what Lloyd Kauffman is doing to inspire his films. I'd rather not know, personally, but I do wonder sometimes. What do they do right? Well, they definitely make some freaky-looking mutants at times. I was never EVER convinced that they were remotely-real, but they were real freaky. That's something, I guess. On the plus side, I think there was only really one Puppet used in some form here. For most Studios, that would be no big deal. For Full Moon, however, doing a film with that little Puppet action would be like Wes Craven doing a film about a woman teaching Violin to inner city School Students. Crazy talk! One piece of advice: don't try to watch this and a good Film in the same night. For all of you big-time Full Moon fans, it is passable. I will leave you with this thought: stay classy, Full Moon.
Next up, I tackle a Japanese film that I have already discussed to death in some form. After all of the Cover talk, will the film be worth it?
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Instant Fun: The Medusa Against The Son of Hercules
Are you ready for a really misleading description? Good. Today's film is The Medusa Against The Son of Hercules, one of many in a series. Which Son of Hercules? Why Perseus, that's who. I know what you're thinking- they never even met, let alone were related. Well, are you ready to find out the truth? Basically, someone bought up a bunch of Sword and Sandal Films- some with Hercules, Ulysses and the like- and lumped them together as The Sons of Hercules. My friends and I first came across this phenomenon thanks to Rifftrax and their hilarious riffing of The Sons of Hercules: Land of Darkness (well worth your $9.99). There are 14 of these things, so I may get to more of these in the future. With nothing to do one night, Bob and I checked this out on Streaming. It is crap. It is funny crap though. The film tells the story of Perseus, some evil guy, a dragon that never fully exits a lake and the titular Medusa. It is stretched quite a bit to fill 90 minutes and just plain silly on multiple occasions. After a long delay, I remember it fondly still. To find out if you will feel the same, read on...
If you didn't know that this was a 'TV Series' made up of multiple films, this would REALLY freak you out. How many Writers do you need?!?!?
The Story begins properly by explaining to you that this is about Perseus, who is a 'Son of Hercules' since the guy liked him. No, really.
Basically, there are two forces. They keep fighting in this rocky area. As it turns out, this is a bad idea since there is a Medusa nearby and the world's laziest Dragon. Much like 'Zombie Dad' from Amityville Dollhouse, it seems cool until you realize the limitation- in this case, it is not ever exposing more than half of the creature.
Apparently this is the ONLY way to travel for the good guys, which seems implausible and contrived. Who'd live there?
Perseus (Richard Harrison) finally plays a role: he's a guy who wants to avenge his father's death, while also not wanting to fight.
He is also secretly-training the Princess (it's a secret to him that she's a Princess, that is). He's kind of dull.
He ends up working for the King as a Guard...and immediately quits. He's kind of a puss.
Despite winning a fight earlier and getting a job, he quits...only to return to save the Princess. It's Damsel in Distress Syndrome, folks!
This guy is evil. He wants to marry the Princess. That is the only thing you need to know.
Perseus is the hero, so he naturally takes out both creatures. Both events are a bit underwhelming.
He kills the Dragon by...swimming near it and re-emerging. He kills the Medusa by looking away with a shield and swinging his Sword. Lame.
With the Medusa dead, Perseus has a new Army. I'm sure that these people who just got un-stoned will be great fighters and have all of their weapons!
Of course, Perseus wins. He kills the villain, who makes this lovely face before going to see Hades & the day is saved. The End.
This is cheesier than Parmesan! Viewed as its own film- Perseus the Invincible-, it is straight-forward with some cheesy moments. Viewed as a Son of Hercules film and it takes on an extra-cheesy nature. He's obviously not related to the famous Demi-God, so you're confused right from the gate. It puts you in the frame of mind that makes every goofy moment- like the world's laziest dragon- just seem extra ridiculous. There are certainly moments that could really work- like the dragon's detailed design-, so it is not without worth. The glimpses of a good movie make it worth giving a shot, while its cheesy moments will make you laugh. There are certainly structural problems. For example, Perseus is a very hard to follow hero. He wants revenge, but doesn't rush off to get it. He loses to a guy, then barely wins the next time...but they just act like he is a great hero now. Right...okay. I will say that there is a line where a hero can be reluctant, but still make him seem driven. It doesn't really work here, as Perseus constantly seems to fight against the plot itself! In summary, this is a sub-par movie made fun and cheesy...albeit by accident. If you like to do your own Rifftrax/MST3K-style riffing, you will get a kick out of this. I will leave you with one Actor's total fail at being an Archer (which they didn't bother Editing out)...
Next up, I'm either doing an Arty Import or a Full Moon Film. Since they couldn't be any more different, you can enjoy the suspense. Stay tuned...
If you didn't know that this was a 'TV Series' made up of multiple films, this would REALLY freak you out. How many Writers do you need?!?!?
The Story begins properly by explaining to you that this is about Perseus, who is a 'Son of Hercules' since the guy liked him. No, really.
Basically, there are two forces. They keep fighting in this rocky area. As it turns out, this is a bad idea since there is a Medusa nearby and the world's laziest Dragon. Much like 'Zombie Dad' from Amityville Dollhouse, it seems cool until you realize the limitation- in this case, it is not ever exposing more than half of the creature.
Apparently this is the ONLY way to travel for the good guys, which seems implausible and contrived. Who'd live there?
Perseus (Richard Harrison) finally plays a role: he's a guy who wants to avenge his father's death, while also not wanting to fight.
He is also secretly-training the Princess (it's a secret to him that she's a Princess, that is). He's kind of dull.
He ends up working for the King as a Guard...and immediately quits. He's kind of a puss.
Despite winning a fight earlier and getting a job, he quits...only to return to save the Princess. It's Damsel in Distress Syndrome, folks!
This guy is evil. He wants to marry the Princess. That is the only thing you need to know.
Perseus is the hero, so he naturally takes out both creatures. Both events are a bit underwhelming.
He kills the Dragon by...swimming near it and re-emerging. He kills the Medusa by looking away with a shield and swinging his Sword. Lame.
With the Medusa dead, Perseus has a new Army. I'm sure that these people who just got un-stoned will be great fighters and have all of their weapons!
Of course, Perseus wins. He kills the villain, who makes this lovely face before going to see Hades & the day is saved. The End.
This is cheesier than Parmesan! Viewed as its own film- Perseus the Invincible-, it is straight-forward with some cheesy moments. Viewed as a Son of Hercules film and it takes on an extra-cheesy nature. He's obviously not related to the famous Demi-God, so you're confused right from the gate. It puts you in the frame of mind that makes every goofy moment- like the world's laziest dragon- just seem extra ridiculous. There are certainly moments that could really work- like the dragon's detailed design-, so it is not without worth. The glimpses of a good movie make it worth giving a shot, while its cheesy moments will make you laugh. There are certainly structural problems. For example, Perseus is a very hard to follow hero. He wants revenge, but doesn't rush off to get it. He loses to a guy, then barely wins the next time...but they just act like he is a great hero now. Right...okay. I will say that there is a line where a hero can be reluctant, but still make him seem driven. It doesn't really work here, as Perseus constantly seems to fight against the plot itself! In summary, this is a sub-par movie made fun and cheesy...albeit by accident. If you like to do your own Rifftrax/MST3K-style riffing, you will get a kick out of this. I will leave you with one Actor's total fail at being an Archer (which they didn't bother Editing out)...
Next up, I'm either doing an Arty Import or a Full Moon Film. Since they couldn't be any more different, you can enjoy the suspense. Stay tuned...
Monday, March 10, 2014
Lost in Translation: Deep Red
I came across this while doing some background research on Deep Red/Profondo Rosso before my review. I learned that apparently it had an extra quirky title when released in Japan...
Suspiria: Part 2.
No, really. See for yourself.
Credit where credit is due: the random art design of it is intriguing. If I were a Japanese man in 1975 (a bit of stretch, I know), I'd look at this and say: "これは何ですか"
Seriously though- Suspiria: Part 2?!?
Just for comparison, the actual follow-up to Suspiria- 1980's Inferno- was released in Japan as Inferuno. Weird.
Suspiria: Part 2.
No, really. See for yourself.
Credit where credit is due: the random art design of it is intriguing. If I were a Japanese man in 1975 (a bit of stretch, I know), I'd look at this and say: "これは何ですか"
Seriously though- Suspiria: Part 2?!?
Just for comparison, the actual follow-up to Suspiria- 1980's Inferno- was released in Japan as Inferuno. Weird.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
70s Class: Deep Red (aka Profondo Rosso)
A Classic remains a Classic. How do you follow up a film like Suspiria? It's a tough prospect- that's for sure. For many, that was the last truly great film that Dario Argento film. I respectfully disagree with that broad assessment, but let's approach the film with that mind-set. What does Dario do? It's simple- make another great Giallo film (following the Animal Trilogy)! As such, he made Profondo Rosso aka Deep Red aka Dripping Deep Red aka The Hatchet Murders aka The Deep Red Hatchet Murders. On the plus side, this wasn't falsely-labeled as a Sequel (or was it?). The film has a plot you've probably heard a million times. A Jazz Pianist witnesses the murder of a famous German Psychic and decides to investigate it. How many times have you seen this plot?!?!? You could say that Argento has/had a thing for reluctant heroes in his Giallo films. They were either unwilling witnesses (Deep Red, Bird With Crystal Plumage, Cat o'Nine Tails), related to the crimes by circumstance (Tenebrae) or targeted by people they don't know (Opera, Four Flies on Gray Velvet). He had a type, you see. So is this film the Classic that you remember/everyone tells you that it is? To find out, read on...
The film begins strongly with the sound of a lovely Children's Song interrupted by murder. You'll get an explanation for this...in about two hours. It is a Mystery after all.
At a Parapsychology Conference, a German Psychic reads the room. She freaks out when she senses an evil presence in the room- that of a killer!
The film makes a clever use of POV to show the guilty party fleeing the scene...for now.
Around this time, our hero- David Hemmings- is a Jazz Pianist. He walks across the Street to...the painting 'Nighthawks' apparently and witnesses said Psychic's murder.
He runs to the scene, but doesn't see the killer...or does he?
The Pianist and a Reporter- future Argento collaborator...in bed Daria Nicolodi- try to solve the crime, since...well, why not?
Is it just me or are they looking into my soul? Stop judging me!
The mysterious killer- whose hands actually belong to Dario Argento- starts taking people out that get close to the crime. He/she has a flair for the dramatic. We could all learn a lesson from him/her.
The Pianist- not to be confused with Adrian Brody, who would later still in his own Argento film- investigates an abandoned School for answers. He uncovers a drawing hidden behind some plaster that is a bit creepy.
Carlo- the crazy friend of the Pianist- has a gun and appears to be upset. He meets a pretty bad end involving a truck and the tire of a different car. Sorry, crazy Andy Samberg.
It turns out that the Killer was hiding from Hemmings in the beginning. It is the downside to having an alternating series of mirrors and creepy paintings on your wall. I knew that there had to be one!
We get a nice and gory death set-up for the finale involving a necklace and an elevator. I would love to see Mythbusters test this one too.
What are the odds that Superman III and Deep Red would have that in common? Weird. The End.
I have no real complaints, honestly. The Story is simple enough on paper and that's fine. The film works by giving us a number of ancillary Characters that either get killed or give exposition. Hemmings and Nicolodi make a good pair, playing off each other well. Their Characters are somewhat cliche- quirky artist and aggressive Reporter- but they have some nice subtext to them. The film features some graphic gore, but nothing too over-the-top. For you younger viewers, you may get a kick out of just how red the blood is. Human blood has never looked that bright, but that was just how it happened in films back then. I like how the film's plot clearly inspired later films like Halloween and Friday the 13th. You know what the best part is? The Goblin Soundtrack, of course! It is just pure awesomeness. I won't SPOIL everything here, because you really need to see this movie if you haven't. If you like Thrillers and don't mind a bit of gore, you will like it. Argento's Giallos from this Era are just damn good- no question. In fact, the only thing I can really use for a Stinger is this sign on a window that was clearly just glued on (badly)...
Next up, let me finally catch up with a film I watched around a Month ago. With a tenuous connection to slightly-better film, this Son has alot of heavy lifting to do. Stay tuned...
The film begins strongly with the sound of a lovely Children's Song interrupted by murder. You'll get an explanation for this...in about two hours. It is a Mystery after all.
At a Parapsychology Conference, a German Psychic reads the room. She freaks out when she senses an evil presence in the room- that of a killer!
The film makes a clever use of POV to show the guilty party fleeing the scene...for now.
Around this time, our hero- David Hemmings- is a Jazz Pianist. He walks across the Street to...the painting 'Nighthawks' apparently and witnesses said Psychic's murder.
He runs to the scene, but doesn't see the killer...or does he?
The Pianist and a Reporter- future Argento collaborator...in bed Daria Nicolodi- try to solve the crime, since...well, why not?
Is it just me or are they looking into my soul? Stop judging me!
The mysterious killer- whose hands actually belong to Dario Argento- starts taking people out that get close to the crime. He/she has a flair for the dramatic. We could all learn a lesson from him/her.
The Pianist- not to be confused with Adrian Brody, who would later still in his own Argento film- investigates an abandoned School for answers. He uncovers a drawing hidden behind some plaster that is a bit creepy.
Carlo- the crazy friend of the Pianist- has a gun and appears to be upset. He meets a pretty bad end involving a truck and the tire of a different car. Sorry, crazy Andy Samberg.
It turns out that the Killer was hiding from Hemmings in the beginning. It is the downside to having an alternating series of mirrors and creepy paintings on your wall. I knew that there had to be one!
We get a nice and gory death set-up for the finale involving a necklace and an elevator. I would love to see Mythbusters test this one too.
What are the odds that Superman III and Deep Red would have that in common? Weird. The End.
I have no real complaints, honestly. The Story is simple enough on paper and that's fine. The film works by giving us a number of ancillary Characters that either get killed or give exposition. Hemmings and Nicolodi make a good pair, playing off each other well. Their Characters are somewhat cliche- quirky artist and aggressive Reporter- but they have some nice subtext to them. The film features some graphic gore, but nothing too over-the-top. For you younger viewers, you may get a kick out of just how red the blood is. Human blood has never looked that bright, but that was just how it happened in films back then. I like how the film's plot clearly inspired later films like Halloween and Friday the 13th. You know what the best part is? The Goblin Soundtrack, of course! It is just pure awesomeness. I won't SPOIL everything here, because you really need to see this movie if you haven't. If you like Thrillers and don't mind a bit of gore, you will like it. Argento's Giallos from this Era are just damn good- no question. In fact, the only thing I can really use for a Stinger is this sign on a window that was clearly just glued on (badly)...
Next up, let me finally catch up with a film I watched around a Month ago. With a tenuous connection to slightly-better film, this Son has alot of heavy lifting to do. Stay tuned...
Doubly-Rip-Off Cover Art: Black Plague
Thanks again, Redbox!
This is yet another Direct-to-Video film being promoted in your local Redbox Kiosks. Rather than build up more, let me just show it to you...
Neat...but familiar. Do you really need a hint?
Well, see for yourself...
...but wait, there's more! Aside from aping the famous Iron Throne from Game of Thrones, let's consider the title of the film itself.
In addition, consider the original man in said Throne and a recent film of his own...
Sure is subtle, huh?
Just as a bonus, here's a shot of Lena Heady in said Throne (which I think was just a Promo Image for one of the Season Premieres)...
So yeah, this is at least a none-too-subtle Rip-Off. I suppose that they get some points for just going for it, I guess.
Now as for the people that keep releasing two-part Episodes of Steven Seagal's True Justice as Movies, you can just go to Hell.
This is yet another Direct-to-Video film being promoted in your local Redbox Kiosks. Rather than build up more, let me just show it to you...
Neat...but familiar. Do you really need a hint?
Well, see for yourself...
...but wait, there's more! Aside from aping the famous Iron Throne from Game of Thrones, let's consider the title of the film itself.
In addition, consider the original man in said Throne and a recent film of his own...
Sure is subtle, huh?
Just as a bonus, here's a shot of Lena Heady in said Throne (which I think was just a Promo Image for one of the Season Premieres)...
So yeah, this is at least a none-too-subtle Rip-Off. I suppose that they get some points for just going for it, I guess.
Now as for the people that keep releasing two-part Episodes of Steven Seagal's True Justice as Movies, you can just go to Hell.
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