Holiday Tubi: Terror Train 2 (2022)

 So, someone remade Terror Train this Year.  That same someone made a Sequel...also this Year.

The Sequel, unlike that last one, is actually set on New Year's Eve.
Let's check it out...

The original Remake was, for some reason, set on Halloween.

I guess that explains the Magician and the Costumes better, but still.
Next year, Movie- your time will come.

It's been a Year since the last Film and nobody is super happy about being back on THE SAME TRAIN.
They also never caught the killer.

This trip is set up as a challenge to 'wipe the slate clean' by some and, well, just a job for others.

Not David Copperfield here is the latter.

Another killer is on board and, wow, they sure aren't going to blend in, aren't they?

Incidentally, they embrace the Title quite literally, making this basically a Haunted House...but on a Train.  That's...not a great idea, right?

To give the Movie some praise, they introduce an annoying know-it-all Character and then abruptly kill him.

Our Final Girl- who is literally called this by many people, despite others surviving- is there for her Therapy, since she can't even train in Medicine without freaking out.

She's a real Drama Queen about this whole 'saw my friends die' thing, right?

Unlike the other Jamie Lee Curtis Remake/Sequel, Ms. Curtis is not involved in this one in any way.

I wonder if they even bothered to ask.

Would she have said yes?

Since it literally just came out on the 30th, no SPOILERS here.  To see what happens, stream it now.

------

It's...alright.  I can't say much more about it quality-wise though, if I'm being honest.

There are no Continuity Errors or anything.  The Acting is alright, even quite bi-polar at times.

It is a pretty by-the-numbers Modern Slasher with a few decent Characters and a bunch of assholes.  People sure do love to make fake jump scares and act just as dumb as they did in 1980.

For all of the advances in technology our Society has made, our Horny Teens are still dumb as bricks.  No offense, bricks.

Speaking of technology, CGI Blood strikes again.  It's just for quick bursts, so it is better than the Puppet Master Film using it in place of squibs.  They use 'real' blood enough here to make it a minor quibble.

For better or worse, it is a pretty soulless, but inoffensive Slasher.  Of course, using Google to find Images for this gives me weird hits like this...

You now have 2 choices as to which Slasher Film set on a Train during New Year's Eve to watch.  What a World, eh?

Compendium: The 'Puppet Master' Series

 There's A LOT of these Films!

I didn't do them all at once either.

Let's make this easier for everyone, shall we?
(Oh, and I'm going in Film Release Order)

1) Puppet Master- MONDO BIZARRO: Pull the Strings!: Puppet Master (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

2) Puppet Master 2- MONDO BIZARRO: Pull the Strings!: Puppet Master II (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

3) Puppet Master 3: Toulon's Revenge- MONDO BIZARRO: Pull The Strings!: Puppet Master III (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

4) Puppet Master 4- MONDO BIZARRO: Pull the Strings!: Puppet Master IV- The Demon (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

5) Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter- MONDO BIZARRO: Pull the Strings!: Puppet Master V (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

* Pause for laughter *

6) Curse of the Puppet Master- MONDO BIZARRO: Pull the Strings!: Curse of the Puppet Master (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

7) Retro Puppet Master- MONDO BIZARRO: Pull The Strings!: Retro Puppet Master (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

8) Puppet Master: The Legacy (the Stock Footage one)- MONDO BIZARRO: Great Moments in Stock Footage: Puppet Master- The Legacy (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

9) Puppet Master: Axis of Evil- MONDO BIZARRO: Pull the Strings!: Puppet Master- Axis of Evil (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

10) Puppet Master: Axis Rising- MONDO BIZARRO: Moon Over Miami: Puppet Master X- Axis Rising (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

11) Puppet Master: Axis Termination- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Puppet Master- Axis Termination (2017) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

12) Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich- COMING SOON (Maybe)

13) Puppet Master: Doktor Death- COMING SOON (probably)

Bonus Content

1) The 'Puppet Master' Timeline (to a point)- MONDO BIZARRO: The *Comprehensive* Puppet Master Timeline (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

2) Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys (2004)- N/A

3) Blade: The Iron Cross- COMING SOON 

Tubi Thursday: Puppet Master- Axis Termination (2017)

 After a long, long break, I'm back with Full Moon's most famous Series. 

To be fair, this one didn't come out until 2 years after my last Review (of the 2012 Film), so we're kind of even.

Will this be a welcome return with...

The 2012 Film Axis Rising ended with our 2 Heroes escaping with the Dolls, but the bad guys got some of the fluid to make their own.

Well, unlike Commenters thought, this ending is paid off.

Our Heroes are immediately shot by a Nazi spy...who is immediately shot by The Guy From Ballistica.

You couldn't have shot the bad guy like 20 seconds earlier?!?

The Nazis are still at it, but this time it is all about the magic.

It's vague and 'glowy,' with pretty much the same effects from Retro Puppet Master...a Film they made 18 years earlier.

All you need to know is that there's an evil lady and a dude, plus a random French Psychic.

A short man's...er poor man's Peter Dinklage is an Occult Expert who has to work with Logan on the case.

I could repeat my 'I smell a Sitcom' joke, but this Film was released as Episodes originally, so....

With magic and dark Science on their side, the Nazis seem hard to stop.

Can our Heroes save the day?

Can the sometimes important, but often neglected Puppets help them out?

Well, I'm pretty sure I know how the end of WWII happened, but to find out, stream the Film now.

Could I have gone another 7 years without watching one of these?  Well, it wasn't nearly that bad.

To be honest, the issue with these Films is that they are just so damn cheap looking and feeling.  I know that Full Moon isn't Marvel Studios.  Hell, it isn't even one of those Studios that makes Mumblecore Films.  Even so, it is just so...cheap looking.

A plus- they used CGI and people in suits to actually show you the Puppets moving in full frame.
A negative- they use CGI blood all of the time and I hate it.

To compensate, they put in lots of low-budget gore involving blood spray and the like.  I don't mind it, but some of the uses are weird.  They do this prolonged bit where a random Nazi Guard is mutilated, while a main Villain is just punched out and choked.  Huh?!?

At this point the Timeline of these- especially with the Comics too- is Swiss Cheese, but credit where credit is due for trying to wrap things up.  It's like putting a band aid on Hans Gruber after he falls from the Nakatomi Plaza (gotta work those Christmas jokes in now!), of course.

On the plus side, they kept the Werewolf Puppet and ditched the guy on the right.

At this point, it's probably better to just finish these Films off, right?  Well, unless someone famous died today...

Forgotten Prequels: Dominion- Prequel to the Exorcist

 You can put off reviewing an Exorcist Film, but don't put off an actual Exorcism!

This is Dominion- Prequel to the Exorcist, the 2005 Film with a past that is a bit confusing.  If you know the story I shared in my Exorcist: The Beginning Review, see it.  If not, here's the simplest version...

WB wanted an Exorcist Prequel and hired a Director.
That Director quit and they got John Frankenheimer.
He died and then they got Paul Schrader.
$30 million later and they got this Film...which they hated.
After two Cuts for the Studio, they decided to spend another $50 million on Renny Harlin's Version with a new(ish) Script.

That Film did not do amazing in Theaters- barely recouping the Budget- and the Studio was curious enough to make some money on the still-strong DVD Market with this Film.  $35,000 later (which seems low), they got a 2005 Film that was shot before the 2004-released Film which serves a Prequel to the 1973 Film...while ignoring the Prequel Plot explained in the 1977 Sequel.

Confused?

Basically, this is the original Film with its own Cast.  That Cast was excised- save for Stellan Skarsgard- for the Theatrical Film.  

Which parallel Film is better?  To find out, read on...

In 1944, the Village in which Father Merrin is working is attacked by some Nazis.  They kill many people and make him 'pick the victims' in lieu of them all dying.

In the Harlin Version, this footage is kept in, but spliced into a series of dreams over the course of the Film.  That's much worse, no?

Not Fun Fact: The Actor that plays the Nazi (who was Dutch) died in 2010.
Fun Fact: He did some of the Dutch Dubbing on Total Drama, a Cartoon Network Show.

Three years later, he's in East Africa- no, the Film is not more specific- and working on digging up antiquities for the Church.

He's understandably shaken in his faith by this...so here's a young, idealistic Priest to help him out.

I smell a Sitcom.

Weird stuff is happening in the Area as they dig up an old Church.

For instance, these genuinely-terrible-looking CGI Hyenas.

I mean, I get that you can't go to 'a guy' and hire some Trained Hyenas...but still...

Two Soldiers are killed (off-camera) while trying to loot the place, so it raises the tensions between the Villagers (aka the People whose home this is) and the Soldiers (who just showed up with guns).

This can't end well.

While this is happening, a young man named Cheche (not to be confused with Cheech or Chi-Chi) is taken in by Merrin and a Nurse (who was replaced with a Doctor in The Beginning).

As time goes on, his disfigurement seems to fade away while things get worse.

It all comes to a head when he is fully possessed by Pazuzu (voiced by Schrader's Wife Mary Beth Hurt) and calls himself/itself perfection.

This stands in contrast to The Beginning, where the Doctor is possessed and becomes, well, Regan.
How?  Is the Demon's face just like the girl's or what?

Can Merrin save the young man's soul?
Can he contain Pazuzu?
Will I need a Sequel to this Prequel to cover what happened with Merrin between this and the other Film?

To find out, watch or stream the Film now.  If nothing else, you can see that I did not, in fact, Photoshop this...

A much better experience than Renny Harlin's Film- no question.  Was it necessary? I mean, for all of the bad in The Exorcist 2 (and there was plenty), it basically gave us this Story- albeit in a dumber way.

It is weird that they made 2 parallel Prequels, and BOTH contradict that Film?!?  No summoning of a Locust Swarm or a giant Pazuzu Statue out in the open.  Is Cheche supposed to be a replacement for the (future) James Earl Jones Character?

On its own, the Film is fine.  The direction is nice and most of the Characters get an Arc.  It is one of those Films that doesn't exactly reinvent the wheel, but it tells a far better story in standalone fashion than The Beginning does.

That one was full of 'wink, wink nudge, nudge' moments that just felt too knowing.  This one isn't nearly so blatant about it and is better for it.

So, weird qualifier coming, if you're going to see one Prequel to The Exorcist, make it this one.  Just don't mind the CGI.  It's...something truly evil.

Next up, let's see if I can squeeze one more old Film in before 2023 begins.  I know just the thing.  Stay tuned...

Shudder Sunday: To All A Goodnight (1980)

 How did I miss the first Slasher Film of the '80s for so long? 
This is To All a Goodnight.

While it's less famous than Friday the 13th, it did come out a few weeks first.  Points for you!

Does being first make you the best or the worst though?

The Film was Directed by- get this- David Hess, a man most famous for Acting as a Villain/Creep in Films before and after this.  Why did he only Direct this one Film though?  Dunno- he's been dead for 9 years, so I can't exactly ask him.

The Film's Writer was Alex Rebar, who also Produced the Thanksgiving Slasher Home Sweet Home.  It's a shame he didn't do a Halloween Film and get the Hat Trick.  As a Bonus, Goodnight and Demented- his other 1980 Writing Credit- both feature legendary (?) Porn Actor Harry Reems.  That can't be a coincidence, right?

The Plot involves a masked Santa Killer taking out Sorority Girls based on a previous plight.  Will he/she/they get them all?  To see where alot of the Tropes come from, read on...

The Film's Cold Open shows a girl we don't know being chased by some Sorority Girls and falling off of a small balcony- which is like 8-12 feet from the ground- and dying.

We abruptly see the same School 2 years later (that number is important) and a few Students are staying behind on Campus.

They- of course- invite some guys over and the group pairs off, leaving one girl out of the mix.

Young- check.

Innocent- check.

Virginal- check.

So... you know where this is going, don't you?

A masked Maniac dressed like Santa Claus stalks and kills a few of the Co-Eds and their dates.

Surprisingly, they don't take them all on one night and instead leave a body to be found in the Morning.

Now they are staying at the House for another night...which kind of makes the passage of time kind of pointless here, no?

It is still another Night Scene for the 2nd Round.

Who will live and who will die?

Well, you can probably guess those.

What you may not guess is that this Film seems to have inspired the Scream Films are as far as its Ending is concerned.  There's 5 Films, so that's barely a SPOILER without clarification, right?

To find out, stream the Film now.

A decent Film, but it is nothing that impressive in the long run.  Bear in mind that this Film came out *before* the flood of Slasher Films, so it should be judged as such.  

These early Films- like Final Exam- have to be judged on their own merits, as opposed to the more advanced and complex Sequels that would come in the rest of the Decade.

That's not to say that the Film gets a free pass for some generally cliche Writing, odd Pacing and not a big delivery on the kills.  The Film has a variety of them, but you really miss the touch of someone like Tom Savini on these.  This is much more of an implied kill kind of Film, at least for the most part.

The Acting is honestly not bad, but it wasn't going to win any Oscars either.  Everyone plays a pretty simple Role and plays it fine.  There's no real nuance to them, other than when the pairings start to change in the Third Act.

The Ending is kind of predictable in many ways, but it does do the Bonus Twist thing, even if that too is pretty obvious.  Credit for trying.

Goodnight is a decent, overlooked Slasher from the Genre's early days.  Completists will need to see, while curious fans of the Genre will probably enjoy the stock nature of it all.  Make a Drinking Game out of it, if you'd like.

Speaking of like, I'm torn on whether I like this- I think- Fan Edit Poster....

A bunch of Santa-based kills from an early Slasher Film.  While you can probably guess every twist and turn, it is still kind of fun.

5 Offbeat Christmas Cartoon Episodes to Watch This Year

 As a fan of the weird and obscure, I like to cover the stuff that is not covered as much.

Most of these are quite recent to boot.

Let's begin with...

This Disney XD Show made during the peak of the MCU's rise.

The team- Hulk, Red Hulk, She-Hulk, Skaar and A-Bomb get their Christmas dream life...but there's a catch.

As a bonus, check out The Guardians of the Galaxy in their Comic form, since this Show was made before their Film in 2014.

Ultimate Spider-Man is another Disney XD Show that had a Christmas Episode...or two.

In the first one, Spidey *also* gets his dream life, but it comes with bad consequences.

This one has a fun aspect where he sees his early adventures done in the style of the 1960's Cartoon (which is also on Disney +).

In the second one, he experiences Christmas alongside a new Hero- Moon Knight.

This Moon Knight is played up like a (more) crazy Batman and is voiced by Brave & The Bold's Deidrich Bader.

Isn't he Jewish though?

In one that I'd forgotten about for a good 25+ years, there's 'We Wish You A Morlock Christmas' from the classic X-Men Show.

In this Holiday Episode, they learn that Leech- one of the Morlocks (Mutants who are too freaky-looking/acting to live on the surface)- is sick.

Storm- who won leadership of the Morlocks but is not around- is guilt-tripped while they find a way to heal the Mutant.

Let's end on a Christmas Episode from last year that I didn't get around to watching until this Year.

It is...

The Plot is bonkers.  When you realize that Dave Jesser and Matt Silverstein- who created Drawn Together- work on this Show, it makes sense.

In one Plot, their Pupa (too long a story) helps a kid on Christmas, while the rest of them...end up in a post-apocalyptic hellscape in the World of Jingle All the Way.

Merry Christmas!

These are all fun and silly in their own way.  All but the X-Men one are pretty balanced out with humor, action and the like.

I should note that the Solar Opposites one is 100% not for kids, so don't share it with the kids unless they like animated blood and jokes about cannibalism.

The X-Men one is very heartwarming and so saccharine (do people still use that word) that it made my teeth hurt.  You get Cyclops trying to sing Christmas songs, Wolverine facing survivor's guilt (hi, kids!) and Storm being berated by the Morlocks (and rightly so).

It all wraps up sweetly with the gang celebrating Christmas...in the Sewers with the Morlocks as the C-Plot is wrapped up.  That one involves Jean Grey and Gambit arguing in the kitchen over cooking Christmas Dinner.  It even almost comes to blows.

So, when you think of Christmas, think of giving, helping others, loving your family and... threatening someone with a head of broccoli.

Ho Ho Ho.

New (Holiday?) Streaming: The Green Knight (2021)

 My other Showtime splurge involves a Knight, a quest and the most artistically pretentious Film of this type since The Iron Warrior.

As a bonus, it is set around Christmas...in 14 AD.

On Christmas Day, a strange warrior called The Green Knight shows up to confront King Arthur.

He lays down a challenge for any Knight- give him a cut and then receive the same cut.

Fortunately, a young man of a lower Station (Dev Patel) is given a promotion by King Arthur.

He's encouraged by his mother to stand up for the King.

He makes his one cut- a swing at the Green Knight's neck.

He decapitates him.

Patel seems pleased...until the Green Knight stands up, picks up his head and vows to return in one year.

The year goes by quickly for the now-famous young Knight.  He secretly fears the passage of time, of course.

He finally must make his journey as Christmas approaches yet again.

It's...weird out there.

If he can survive the journey, what will happen when he and the Green Knight meet again?

Will he be brave enough to honor the deal?

To find out, stream the Film now.

A visually amazing Film with a Plot about as dense as you'd expect from an adaptation of Arthurian Lore.  It is chock full of grandiose dialog and monologues.

Is there more to it though?

The Film does a nice job of presenting the ideal Arthurian Hero and then breaking it down.  Is Gawain really a Hero?  Will he really do the right thing at all times if it is hard?  Is he really even a Hero?

The man himself faces those questions directly and has to answer for himself.  A rich, lush looking world surrounds someone just trying to be something he may not be and cannot be.

So yes, the Film is gorgeous to look at with sweeping vistas and colors.  There's just not a lot of real Story here past 'Guy must go to here and do this.'  It's a beautiful, sometimes ponderous journey that is easy to get lost in.

The Green Knight is not shallow in Character, Setting or Acting- just the Plot.  Each new location will wow you...until you realize that our Hero is not going to go even at a moderate pace to the next one.

Now I could recommend the original Story (translated by people like J.R.R. Tolkien), but I'd rather check this out...

Like I said, it looks amazing, but ultimately not alot really happens.  Merry Christmas though, I guess.

Tubi Thursday: Krampus 2- The Devil Returns (2016)

 So back in 2016, I reviewed the 2013 Film Krampus: The Christmas Devil.
In 2016, they also released a Sequel.

In 2022, I finally covered it.
I wished that I had waited until 2032...

Krampus is back in this small Town and is kidnapping kids.

The first one we see is a kid who breaks into an empty House to vandalize it.  His friend is there too, so...death, I guess.

It has been 5 years since the last Film and that one's Hero (of sorts) has been hiding out.

He's called back in to help solve the kidnappings, which is happening earlier this year.

Is he Tom Green now?

That sardonic Santa is back and he's passing on his Naughty List (which is just a boring piece of paper) to Krampus.

Also, yes, these shots were done the same way.

Lazy Cinematography is lazy.

Making things harder is this Crime Boss Guy (with like 4 goons) who wants to kill our Hero on account of him killing his Brother (friend of the Site Bill Oberst Jr.).

What does this mean for the Film?

It means that KRAMPUS- the Title Character- is just gone for the next 30+ minutes.  Joy.

Will our Heroes be able to stop Krampus and/or the Criminals?
Will I be able to stay awake during this dreary Film?

To find out, stream it now...I guess...Ho Ho Ho?

Wow, this...is not good.  I was hoping to have softened on this in the 6 Years since I saw the original Film.

Nope.  Still sucks.  Alot.

It is dark, dreary and pretty listless.  It's just so uninteresting.  The Acting is not good enough to liven things up when you get such 'rich' settings as An Empty House, a barely lit Bar, a Barn and someone's barely lit House.

Why is it so hard to make a Krampus Film?  Oh right- they didn't make one.

This is a 'Krampus Film' where the guy barely does anything but kills a few random people and... that's it.  Again- he's barely in this Film.

I guess I'll stick with the old stuff from the Comics...

A Film that isn't about what it should be.  Just make a fun Krampus Film, folks- it's not difficult!