Quick Reviews: Tenet

 For better or worse, this is a Film that defines 2020.  Will it be for good reasons or bad?  Let's see...

A man working for an Intelligence Agency works on a Mission that goes awry.  On top of that, he has a strange experience with a masked man who saves him.

His day (and life) are only going to get weirder.

Despite things going badly, he's recruited by a mysterious Agency called Tenet to work on a mysterious mission.

This is one of those Films where SPOILERS will only make things more confusing, so you can thank me later.

Without attempting to give too much away, it all revolves around a Russian Tycoon/Arms Dealer who is trying to access a secret weapon.

On top of that, his innocent Wife is stuck in the middle.

No knock on Kenneth Branagh, but when did people decide that he looked/acted Russian?

Why is he needing an oxygen tank?
What is up with the stuff running backwards?

Why is a red clasp hanging out of someone's bag a key Plot Point?

To find out, watch the Film.  I got my $2 worth.

It is dense.  It is complicated.  It takes a while for anything to really make sense.  The Soundtrack is often louder than the dialog.  It is beautifully shot.  In other words, it is a Christopher Nolan Film!  The only thing we're missing is Tom Hardy wearing some sort of face mask.  For better or worse, you can tell his Films from anyone else's.  All of the nitpicks and critiques of his previous Films hold true.  That said, all of the positive analysis and accolades also hold true here.  The Film looks amazing, using real locations- like a Sea full of wind turbines- and real on-set effects.  Who else would go 'yeah, I'm going to crash a plane into a warehouse- let's do it for real!' during their production.  I guess Michael Bay, but it would have been covered in American Flags AND be set at Sunset.  The Plot is very, very complicated.  It was a long time coming for Nolan apparently and it shows.  Everything is thought out and ultimately does make some kind of sense.  Like with Inception, I 'got it' at the end.  No, that's not a brag.  There's enough here for it all to tie together, especially if you watch it again.  I don't think it *needs* that, which is a plus.  Nolan knows what kind of Films he wants to make and hopefully you like him.  For better or worse, he's not going to change.

A big, boisterous Film with alot of depth to uncover.  It's not so dense that it is incomprehensible, but it might feel like that at first.  Just go with the flow.

'70s Trash?: Captain America (1979)

 The cinematic equivalent of getting plain white socks for Christmas.  This is Captain America, specifically the TV Movie Version.  It is not the first version- that's a Film Serial- and it obviously wasn't the last version.  It is notable for happening during a time when Marvel was doing lots of this stuff.  We got Spider-Man (in America and Japan), The Incredible Hulk and even Doctor Strange.  There was more planned that never came about- including a Live-Action Human Torch TV Show!- and alot of seemed to amount to nothing.  Strange was a failed Pilot and this didn't exactly fare much better.  This one at least got a second Movie/attempt out of it.  Starring future B-Movie Icon Reb Brown, this Movie tells *an* origin of Captain America.  It doesn't tell *the* origin, of course, since they couldn't leave well enough alone and probably doing a Period Piece was a no-go with the Network.  As such, things change alot- most for the worse.  I don't want to be all negative on this one.  After all, if I stick with the 'white socks for Christmas' metaphor, they are useful for you.  To find out how this dated oddity turned out, read on...

Instead of the '40s, it is the '70s.

Steve Rogers is back home from the War (having been a Marine) and is just kind of super-chill.
Seriously, he just wants to drive around the country in his Van.

That's what Haley on American Dad did, not Stan!

His chill attitude is not reciprocated, however, as bad guys want to kill him for his connection to a Scientist.

The only logical method: oil up an *entire stretch of road* and hope that the crash kills him.

He's...basically unharmed by the whole thing and sees his Dad's Friend.

The guy exposition dumps all over him about his Father making a 'super steroid' called FLAG (I'll spare you the spell-out) and it being coded to his DNA.

As such, it will work best with Steve.
Oh and his Dad also used to be Captain America apparently.

The aforementioned friend is found dying in his place and only mentions a few names.  This will, of course, pay off later.

Watch Reb Brown try to emote- it's adorable.

The bad guys keep trying to kill Steve, doing a much better job on the third attempt.

However, Dad's Friend decides that he should inject Steve with FLAG, since, you know, he's going to die if they don't.

Logical.

Steve recovers and gets a whole lot of new stuff as a 'thank you gift' for unwillingly-taking the drug, including a fixed-up Van, a new bike and...the lamest version of Captain America's shield ever.

Seriously, I've seen toy ones that look better!

The Film has two things that it really, really loves...

1) Helicopter Shots (both of them AND by them- sometimes both!)

2) Motorcycle Racing shots.

This version of Cap is more Evel Knievel than the Sentinel of Liberty.

To skip past much filler, the bad guy steals the codes from the dead Scientist's Daughter and arms a NEUTRON BOMB to rob a Gold Depository.  No, really.

Cap stops them...by poisoning the man with exhaust fumes from the truck...but he's got a dead man's switch for the bomb.  Why have this if you didn't expect any interference?

This leads to a thrilling climax of...Cap watching the guy get oxygen in the back of a truck.  Eat it, NYC Battle from The Avengers!

For the final Scene, Cap says that he wants to look like his Father as the new Captain America...and he does.

Honestly, if you swap out the shield for a better one and ditch the helmet, it is an improvement.  The End.

A slow-moving Film that is definitely a TV Movie- for better or for worse.  It is all build-up, really.  It is all just 'let's move things into place for the Captain America TV Show.'  That's good...if it exists.  It does not.  As such, it means that the Film builds very slowly to something that never will quite be paid off.  Yes, I will do the Sequel and that buffers that a bit.  The new origin is eh, not great.  I get that they wanted to/needed to make it modern (for 1979), but there are better ways.  Why not do the 'man out of time' story?  It has worked so many times since then, both in Comics and in basically every other Version done in Live Action (excluding the Serial, for obvious reasons).  There's a real half-hearted attempt to say that both things happened, of course.  Of course, unless we see the Dad in any meaningful way, it means basically nothing.  For all they can prove, his Dad was a Vampire who was 20 foot tall and shot lasers from his eyes!  It also doesn't help that Cap is written in a pretty apathetic way.  He *eventually* wants to do the right thing, but only after he just kind of 'chills' and does his own thing.  His original explanation works for that bit, but falls apart as the Film wears on.  He gets there, but, like the Movie, takes too long.  The Action Scenes that *aren't* Motorcycle Chases or Helicopter Chases are alright, but very short.  This is all just a tease.  Reb Brown never gets to his full crazy self here, playing a very 'chill' and sedate Cap.  If that was done later, he could *nail* the version of Cap that was the crazy, Clint Walker one!  As it is, the whole thing is pretty underwhelming, but serviceable.  You'll have more fun with your PS5, but you do need those socks.  Speaking of needs, I must mention that Buster Jones- famous for voicing many iconic Characters like Black Vulcan and GI Joe's Doc- is here in one of his few live-action roles.

Next up, I'll begin the new Year by covering the Sequel.  I don't even need to change Discs, so bonus!  Stay tuned...

Impossibly-Familiar Cover Art: Charly: Days of Blood (1990)

 A barely-known Slasher Film rips off a barely-remembered Slasher Film.  That seems about right, I guess.

In 1990, Argentina made a Slasher Film called Charly: Days of Blood.

I haven't seen it (yet) and the Reviews aren't great.
The Poster, however, is pretty neat...

Nice.

Wait...what is that feeling of Deja Vu though?

Oh, I get it now...

Yep, back in 1985 a similar Poster was made from Elm Street 2.

Given the fact that the Film has gained more prominence in the last Decade, I wonder how many people know that it *inspired* a Foreign Poster like this.

You wonder why I have yet to actually a Review a Film from you, Argentina.  Get it now?

Holiday Flix: Mother Krampus (2017)

 It is 2020, so let's be more inclusive.  There are enough Krampus Movies out there to cover, but the ladies don't get enough coverage.  Let's fix that...

So right off the bat, let's address the obvious...

There is no Mother Krampus.
A DVD Marketing Company came up with that name and someone spent 2 Hours in Photoshop slapping this together.

If you saw this Film before some re-marketing, it was called this...

The Film is actually about Frau Perchta (whom they always pronounce without the 't' in her last name).  It is a real Legend from Germany about an evil Witch.

In this case, there's more to her arrival, but I'll get to that.

On a whim, I decided to see how close their version of Frau got.

I'm not sure if it is accurate, but this drawing of her I found online does beat the Film's...

So the Film makes the Story a bit unclear, but I'll summarize...

In 1922, a bunch of kids went missing.
In 1992, more kids went missing.

This time, however, a local weirdo was blamed and hung by angry Parents in the Woods.
She called on Frau Perchta to 'be there in this moment' and get her revenge.

For some reason, she waited until 2017.

So now in the 12 Days (leading up to) of Christmas, she is kidnapping their kids' kids and killing random people that are in the way.

She's a bit unfocused, as Frau often gets distracted by gross-out horror like cutting skin up into Christmas Cookies.

Can our Heroes/Heroines survive her wrath?  Will she get her wish?  Will they actually nail down what powers and/or weaknesses she has?

To find out, stream the Film.  I saw it on Tubi, but you do you.

Can you return gifts before Christmas?  This one is...not great.  To say all of the nice stuff first, they were a little original.  It's not a killer Santa and it's not Krampus.  In defense of the Filmmakers, they weren't going for that angle.  There are moments that work, mostly the ones of build-up and suspense.  When the freaky-looking Witch is sort of stalking people.  When she just kind of looks freaky in the background or trying to lure kids in, it works.  The problem is that the Film has to go all in for the cheap, gross-out gore.  Frau Perchta can't just kill you- she has to do all sorts of body horror to you.  I can admire the creativity to a point, but it reaches far past excessive many times.  They just go on and on- meh.  Being gross or cruel in a Film just to be gross or cruel doesn't do anything for me.  The Plot is kind of a mess too.  So the first murders mentioned in the Intro were Frau Perchta, but the other ones weren't.  That woman- who claimed to be innocent- pulls a Freddy Kreuger...only she doesn't come back.  It's like if a woman was killed in a Film and then called on Candyman to get revenge- it's less satisfying.  Have her become Frau Perchta, drop the summoning angle all together OR have her working with the Witch.  Do a little twist and reveal that there are TWO Witches.  Do something else other than this.  I was tempted to do the Sequel- apparently not made by these people- too, but I'm suffering enough with this one.  Oh and thanks to the Film's Facebook Page, I can see the *actual* original Title...

A Film that has some real promise to deliver low-budget Horror.  Ultimately though, it gets too silly and excessive for my taste.

Is It A Christmas Movie OR Not?!?: A Top 10 List

 Nothing is sure on the Internet except for the fact that nothing is sure.

Well, f#%k that, noise!

Let me answer some simple and oft-repeated questions about whether or not Film A counts as 'A Christmas Film.'  Here we go...

1) Iron Man 3- NO

While it is set at Christmas-time, it is also set in Los Angeles and the Season only comes up in one Scene.  If Tony doesn't dress like Saint Nick and Rhodes as Black Pete, then it doesn't count.

2) Batman Returns- YES

It is set in the right time, features a Christmas Carnival and has lots of related moments in it.  Plus, it is always snowing, so ambiance.

3) The Long Kiss Goodnight- YES

Another Shane Black Script that has Christmas-time as a Setting, but actually does more with it.  It's tenuous, but enough for me.

4) Silent Night, Deadly Night- YES

It features multiple Santas, the right time as a Setting and all sorts of Christmas imagery.  That said...

5) Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2- NO

Other than the flashback stuff (since the Film was originally just designed to be a loose framing device to reuse the footage), it isn't seasonal at all.  Odd choice.

6) Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out- YES

It is barely one, but it has a dead Santa, is set at the right time and ends with 'Merry Christmas.'  A close one.

7) Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation- NO

No killer Santa, not set at the right time and no seasonal joy.  Ho ho no.

8) Elves (1989)- YES

It is set at the right time, features a Lead as a Mall Santa and has a Department Store Location.  That said, the titular 'Elves' are actually one and not related to Santa.  It is harder to sell 'Incestuous Nazis' than Santa, of course.

9) Die Hard 2: Die Harder- YES

It is set in the right time, is all about the Christmas Airport Rush and features lots of snow.  You can't deny it, just because there is no Santa.

10) Die Hard- YES ALREADY

It is set at Christmas, takes place at a Christmas Party, features a reuniting of people for the Holidays and, oh yeah, is famous for the 'Now I Have A Machine Gun, Ho Ho Ho' Sweater.

Is this settled now?!? 

TV Flix: Stephen King's The Tommyknockers (Part 2)

 …and we're back with the better (but also worse) half of the Mini-Series.  If you're just joining us, this is Stephen King's The Tommyknockers, a 1993 TV Movie/Mini-Series.

Here's a recap...

- A small Town in Maine
- An alcoholic Writer
- Strange green rocks that make people smarter (and also talk to them)
- Slow corruption
- Kid goes missing.
- Town is a bit crazy...

Things are still getting weirder in Town.  The green energy seems to be controlling them more directly, leading to a big Gathering in the Town Square

As the first exposed (and most looking like a Meth Head), Helgenberger seems to be the Leader.

To deal with the 'townies' aka Cops from out of Town, the Mail Boss zaps them away with...um, a laser gun from her lipstick dispenser?

Sure- why not?!?

Things get even sillier when the remaining Cops get taken out...

One of them is apparently killed by her Dolls coming to life.  Mind you, she keeps DOZENS of Dolls in the Lobby, so death is probably a sweet release.

As for the other one (who played Taggart in Beverly Hills Cop), we get the 'ironic comeuppance' for him drinking too much soda as a rigged machine traps him...and explodes.

That seems...logical.

Smits takes out one of his teeth to pretend like he's 'connected' like the others.  He sees what she has been hiding...

The missing people are covered in weird alien goop with random sci-fi shit attached to them.

He pretends to be with them and gets Helgenberger to take him into the craft with her first.

After all, 'they' found it.

So here's where things inevitably go bad in a Stephen King Mini-Series- the big reveal.

It was Aliens.
Aliens who look like big mouth bass and go down really easily.

Seriously, the first one roars and gets instantly decapitated like he's Jango Fett.

Oh and the 'Controls' make you do the Jesus-pose, so maybe this is more like Christmas than I thought.

In a confusing bit, killing the Alien that attacked returns Helgenberger to normal, but not everyone else.

Instead, he gets her and the hostages out and flies the ship away.  When the Aliens get reinforcements, he blows all of them up.  The End.

A pretty silly, but kind of fun finale.  The second half still takes a bit to get going.  The silly stuff really starts to pile on though.  Everyone has crazy devices.  The Mail Boss can read people's minds.  Everyone is losing teeth and sleep like the frequently buy from Walter White.  Is there an Los Pollos Hermanos in Maine?  That's the extent of my Breaking Bad knowledge FYI.  The Film raises so many questions and never quite answers, well, any of them.  The Aliens control you with...their machines?  They want you to be smart to...help them?  The Aliens big plan is to just get back home?  There's a line about them 'feeding' on the Townsfolk and 'using them,' but it is never elaborated on.  I kept waiting for the devices they were making to be important to help the Aliens in some way, but nope!  Plus let's consider how many things could have been going on.  Satan could be at work.  A Lovecraftian Horror.  Creatures from another Dimension.  Evil Leprechauns.  I vote for that last one, obviously.  Instead, it is just Alien Catfish who are, kind of, catfishing the Town.  It has apparently happened to some degree before, but nobody dug it up, so it just ended in like one crazy guy.  Finally, let's discuss the Title.  The kids are told/talk about The Tommyknockers, who are evil spirits or something.  They aren't in the Film.  Instead, it is just something they remember and the eldest Son speaks about 'seeing them,' but actually doesn't.  In Italy, this was released as Creatures of the Dark, while in Mexico it was Strange Energy.  Both make more sense, to be honest.  This one is...weird, but kind of fun...but mostly just weird.  For instance, here's an early version of the CPAP Machine...

Next time, I get more in the mood.  Tis the Season...or whatever.  Stay tuned...

TV Flix: Stephen King's The Tommyknockers (Part 1)

 A Mini-Series is always two parts, so why not this?  This is The Tommyknockers, a 1993 TV Mini-Series Based on the Book by Mr. King.  Anyone remember this?  We remember It.  We remember The Langoliers (especially the Ending!)  We remember The Stand...and so did someone who had the power to get it Remade this Year.  In honor of that, let's look at the far-less remembered Adaptation.  The Plot is an odd one, even for the famously-quirky Author.  It involves a small Town in Maine (take a shot!) who all turn kind of strange over a short period of time.  Can a Writer with a substance abuse issue (take a shot!) solve the case and save everyone?  Its Director was John Power, an Australian Director without much of a notable Resume...if you don't watch Australian TV.  For all I know, he was huge there.  Its Writer was Lawrence (not Larry) Cohen, who also was a Writer on It and Carrie.  Apparently he also tried to turn Carrie into a Broadway Musical- no joke!  Since we're dealing with Part 1 here, enjoy the Miniseries Slog (TM).  To find out how it all starts, read on...

Jimmy Smits is a Writer (who's definitely not a King Proxy here) who has a drinking problem.

I mean, this is less than a Decade after King did so much cocaine that he can't remember Directing Maximum Overdrive (his words), so...

His lady- Marg Helgenberger- has plenty of time while he's away, finding a strange thing in the Woods near her house.

It makes their dog get its eyesight back...but also go a little crazy.

The first 1/3 of this is just setting up all of the Characters.  

Let me sum it up...

- Two Cops who know that they both love each other, but won't act

- A family with two kids trying to stay afloat.

- The Grandpa who just wants his Grandkids to believe in magic.

- A lady Cop who loves her Husband...but he loves his new Boss instead.

I saved you at least 25 minutes there.

Everyone who is around the strange objects buried in the Woods begins to act more manic and can suddenly make strange inventions.

Can you imagine if they all submitted to Shark Tank at the same time?!?

The strange behavior from everyone- save Smits- escalates to the point where the scorned Wife finally listens to the voices...from her Television that tell her to kill her Husband.

Okay, you win- TV is bad for you!

It all comes to a head when the older Son does a magic trick to make things disappear and reappear.

When he does it to his Brother, he can't make him return (with the device he was told how to build by 'the voices.')

Will they find him?  Will we learn what's up with the green light?
Will the silly title make sense in a meaningful way?

To find out, watch and read Part 2...

Alot of Film to get through before much happens.  The Tommyknockers is definitely an odd little Story.  Most of King's works have a fairly obvious hook.  You have the rising tension of how things are going in Carrie.  You have the creeps and scares of It.  You have the crazy cataclysm of The Stand.  Here...you get people acting weird, making inventions and green lights.  In Part 2, they start losing teeth like they're on Meth- fun!  In case it isn't clear yet, this whole thing is some sort of 'subtle' metaphor for substance abuse.  I mean, it would be if it wasn't ALSO about that.  It's like telling me that Moby Dick is a Metaphor about how the White Whale is yadda yadda...when there's also a White Whale in the Story.  As you can see, I'm an English Major and not a Literary Major.  The big problem here is just how long you have to wait for any payoff.  In It, you got weird moments and scares throughout.  In Carrie, you get the actions of the bullies and hints at their reprisal.  Hell, the TV Movie/Pilot Version even had Carrie somehow pull debris from out of orbit in the first part.  No, I'm not joking- it's in the Book.  It's not terrible- it just isn't terribly-interesting either.  It thankfully gets somewhere kind of interesting at the end, so see how that is next.  In the meantime, here's a look at how 2020 has made us all feel at times...

Next time, I cover Part 2 before all of my Holiday stuff begins.  It's a King Story, so prepare for a silly and likely disappointing Third Act.  Stay tuned...

Quick Review: Terminator- Dark Fate

 Well, they tried again.  For what feels like the 13th time, a Terminator Series fails to relaunch.  Is it bad though?

In an alternate timeline, things take a turn for the worse as John Connor is killed.

It's not a SPOILER, right?  I mean, it is literally how they marketed the Film.

In the Present, a new Terminator is sent to Mexico to kill a seemingly-normal young woman.

A mysterious young woman shows up to save the other and they have to flee the Auto Manufacturing Plant.

It's an Action Film, so let's get on the Freeway!

A surprise- not really, given the promotion- appearance of Sarah Connor is enough to turn the tide...for now.

Can a woman from the Future and a grizzled woman from the Past team up to save a young woman in the Present to save our Future?

Was that sentence confusing enough for you?

The woman from the Future explains that Skynet was defeated (since she's never heard of it), but a new threat rose in its place.

That's why the Hispanic-looking robot is here, since the young Mexican woman is important in this time.

Can they team up with Schwarzenegger (who's role I won't fully SPOIL) to save the future from a dark fate?  

To find out, watch the Film.  It's on Amazon Prime, so maybe get around to it now.

Considering how poorly it did, I was expecting worse.  Terminator: Salvation was a bit of a mess, even if it tried something new with its tone and setting.  Terminator: Genisys was all sorts of dumb and failed to tell a self-contained Story.  Terminator: Dark Fate tried something new, but crashed and burned.  I'm sure you could document the many reasons that it likely didn't do well.  For one, it is Franchise Fatigue (both for it and them in general).  Secondly, in trying to be different, it might have alienated a few people.  John is dead and now it is a bunch of ladies fighting a Terminator- that might ruffle some feathers.  Even having its original Lead back wasn't enough for the 2015 failure, so that's not enough.  I liked having Linda Hamilton back here- not seen since T2- and I thought she did a good job playing the grizzled, tough lady that Jamie Lee Curtis did in the last Halloween.  The future stuff and time-travel is a bit screwy, but all came together.  The new Terminator's gimmick of splitting between the liquid metal and the skeletal form (see below) is a neat one.  It sure is better than 'Nanobot Terminator' from Genisys or just Lady Terminator from T3 (not to be confused with the Film called Lady Terminator).  One of the more subtle disappointments here is that its Director left Deadpool 2 over 'creative differences' and rebounded to this, only to see it fail.  Sorry, bud!  In the final Act, they get a bit preachy with the 'you decide your fate' aspect and it might get a bit 'Yea, Ladies!' at times.  If I'm noticing it (and not really bothered by it), I can only imagine others getting up in arms about it.  What's next for the Franchise?  Only time will tell...but do see this Movie if you haven't and give it a shot.  I know 2 people that liked it.

A solid Action Film that does have some odd pacing issues.  If you can get past that and a little bit of preachiness towards the end, it's a fun time for all.