'00s Trash: Spiders (2000)

 What is scarier than Spiders?  Okay, sure, Vampires are.  Werewolves- yes, also scarier.  Mummies- granted.  Look- this is just an intro- stop giving suggestions!  This is Spiders, a Sci-Fi Horror Film from 2000.  Ah, good times.  Man, remember when Donald Trump was just that asshole who appeared in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York?  Of course, I was also still in High School, so things weren't perfect.  This is when we started to get lots of Direct-to-Video Films about Monsters and the like.  A Film about Spiders should have been expected.  The people in charge of making Films took a break from giant snakes to do one about this kind of creature.  So I guess there's no mystery what a Film about Spiders is about, huh?  Notable names in the Credits include a name I didn't expect to see again- Boaz Davidson.  Firstly, Boaz?  Your Parents couldn't go with something less obscure like Methuselah?   Secondly, he is notable for writing the last Film released by Canon Films- American Cyborg: Steel Warrior.  He also wrote a ton of Films like this, from Mansquito to  SharkMan to, well, Snakeman.  Boaz was all about the animal-human hybrids!  He's an old hand at Canon, even writing Lemon Popsicle, the Film they remade as The Last American Virgin (minus all that stuff about Tel Aviv).  Its Director apparently has it out for me, as he has Directed a number of bad Films I've covered- Boogeyman 3, Ballistica, Axe Giant: The Legend of Paul Bunyan and Planet Raptor.  I haven't seen some of these Films in almost 10 years, so retroactive DAMN YOU!!!! to Mr. Gary Jones.  Let's just stop recycling IMDB facts and web up this mess...

A young Reporter wants to cover the big stories...like Aliens.  If only there had been a Show for people like her back in 2000.

She gets her story as a Shuttle crashes right by where she's at- so convenient!

She breaks into the Base with her two friends, which is remarkably-easy.

It turns out that they were doing experiments on the ship when they were hit by a solar flare.

The people at the Base cover up the incident by saying that the Shuttle burned up.

The ship is blown up- Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions Cliche- and the bodies are taken in.

The one survivor has some, well, gross changes take place...

The newly-hatched Spider (finally!) attacks some Guards and unfortunately takes out our Heroine's friends in the process.

Meanwhile, the evil Boss and his Sidekick try to keep things going, but it gets harder.

The Spider- wait, there are supposed to be more than one, right?- attacks the Boss, seemingly-killing him, and the Sidekick takes a turn to the good side.

He helps our Heroine escape the Base and they drive back to the College...

...where the Boss confronts them.

He seems to still be normal, but eventually transforms...

...into a fairly-unconvincing CGI creation.

Aw, you looked alright when you were a Practical Effect!

It all sets up a fun, but silly climax.

Lots of people get attacked by the sometimes-CGI/sometimes-practical f/x creature.

It ends at night with our Heroine blowing up the monster from a Helicopter.

Remember when she was just a College Reporter 80 minutes ago?  The End.

A pretty forgettable, but sometimes good Film.  Let's be honest- this Film is Direct-to-Video.  This Film is cheap.  This Film is called Spiders.  There's a certain bar to grade Films like this on.  Do you compare it to Big-Budget Hollywood fare?  No.  Is the Film fun?  Often, yes.  They give you a pretty simple Plot- sci-fi stuff makes a giant Spider- and delivers.  It doesn't take long to get started and the whole thing builds nicely.  We get a bigger-than-normal-but-not-giant Spider and it grows to be a big guy.  There's a nice bit of misdirection as the pair escape...only to be attacked by a new Spider.  The idea that she goes from Reporter who will do anything to chase a lead to firing an RPG from a Helicopter is pretty damn ridiculous.  She turns into Jean McClane!  I can actually believe the guy with the Military Background flying the Helicopter, but her being an Action Heroine- not so much.  The Special Effects are actually quite decent here.  Of course, Greg (or Gregory) Nicotero was on board for this, so I guess that explains it.  If you are looking for kind-of-silly, low-budget Creature Feature fun, you can do worse and better than Spiders.  What do you think, Not Quite Willem Dafoe?

Next up, the first Sequel that hopes to up the ante.  Will we actually get multiple Spiders in this one?  Stay tuned...