As we get a new Horror Film in Theaters today about this famous Fairy Tale, it is important to look back at the knock-off...to a 2012 Film also about that. Life is complicated, sometimes...
In this Modern Update on the Tale, a young woman (Gretel) works at 'The Gingerbread House,' a Bakery run by That Lady From The Howling.
Hansel is...um, a guy who watches TV and plays Not Call of Duty.
After a fight, he walks away...immediately into the Woods. I'm sorry, but do they live in a National Park?!?
His leg is wounded by a (human) trap and the pair end up at That Lady's House, which is less than 100 feet away.
The next day, he ends up in the Basement/Dungeon, while Gretel is courted by That Lady.
When she hears Hansel, all bets are off and, well, Witch be tripping!
Hansel sees how bad life is in the Dungeon...and also how full it is.
This is a Town of like 20 people...and 7 are in this Dungeon. How does nobody know?!?
As it turns out, the Witch has two Sons who do all of the chopping and dirty work.
It really wouldn't be a Direct-to-Video Film in the 2010s without killer Inbred Woodsmen, would it?
Can the titular pair survive their ordeal? Will this actually be a good Asylum Film?
To find out, watch the Film. It is on Streaming and VOD, but I watched it through Tubi.
A decent enough Film, if completely unoriginal. Obviously, it is based on a famous Fairy Tale, so it can only be *so* original. That said, the Movie this was designed to ape marketing-wise had the pair being grown up Witch Hunters- that was pretty original as far as that Story goes! This one is just 'what if happened now?' Kinda lame. It is an Asylum Film, so it looks pretty cheap and was clearly made in California. Sadly, the Water Processing Plant from around a dozen Asylum Films does not play a part. The Film really only has one draw- dark, gory action. The Movie is definitely 'for everyone' thanks to its content. You see blood. You see bones. You see implied cannibalism. They also do pretty blatant cheats in the Story- three Characters having nightmares- just to add some more! It also makes sure that nobody comes out a winner in this. Everyone with a remote emotional connection to our Heroes doesn't get a happy ending. I won't go into it, but the Film doesn't even truly deliver one for anyone really. Why is Freeway 2 a better Hansel & Gretel adaptation than you? It has a few good moments and That Lady From The Howling clearly has fun with this. If I hadn't already seen here play evil in that La Llorona Film, this would at least have that appeal going for it. As it is, it feels way more like Wrong Turn than it should. It's not the worst Asylum Film by far, but its bleak tone and gory nature make it pretty niche. On the plus side, its Poster doesn't look like I made it in 10 seconds in Photoshop like this *REAL POSTER* for a Film with the same name does...
A fairly generic Horror Film that just tries to be dark. Is it worth sitting through a Film like this if it offers nothing new though?
Hansel is...um, a guy who watches TV and plays Not Call of Duty.
His leg is wounded by a (human) trap and the pair end up at That Lady's House, which is less than 100 feet away.
When she hears Hansel, all bets are off and, well, Witch be tripping!
This is a Town of like 20 people...and 7 are in this Dungeon. How does nobody know?!?
It really wouldn't be a Direct-to-Video Film in the 2010s without killer Inbred Woodsmen, would it?
To find out, watch the Film. It is on Streaming and VOD, but I watched it through Tubi.
No comments:
Post a Comment